Sunday, December 25, 2011

Road Block

Waiting for my next rib tickler and/or inspirational blog (*winkwink*) check out my other blog (all food. all the time) at http://www.epicureanenthusiast.blogspot.com

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Blog Block

I realized it's been a while since I've blogged....with the holidays, busy season at work and just life happening I just haven't really found the time to sit and write something. 

But I have one I'm working on about shhhh.....Secrets. ;)

So hopefully I'll be ready to upload and publish it soon. 

Until then Happy Holidays everyone!

(...and don't forget to check out my other blog for yummy holiday cookie ideas...)

Friday, December 2, 2011

Makes Me Sick.

It just makes me sick that we still live in a world where this discrimination and hatred exists. 

"In a move to "promote greater unity" among its body and the Pike County community it serves, a small Kentucky church voted to ban interracial couples from membership and from participating in certain worship activities, Kentucky.com reports.

Though reminiscent of some Jim Crow-era mandate, the Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church actually made the decision earlier this month, following a visit from 24-year-old Stella Harville, daughter of the church's secretary and clerk, and her 29-year-old fiance, Ticha Chikuni, a native of Zimbabwe.
According to Harville's father, Dean Harville, Stella brought Chikuni to the church in June where they performed a song for the congregation. 

Following the visit, former pastor Melvin Thompson told Harville that his daughter and her fiance could not sing at the church again. Thompson later proposed that the church go on record saying that while all people were welcome to attend public worship services there, the church did not condone interracial marriage.

His proposal, which was accepted by a 9-6 vote last week, also suggested that married interracial couples be prohibited from becoming members and used in worship activities, except for funerals.
"It's not the spirit of the community in any way, shape or form," said Randy Johnson, president of the Pike County Ministerial Association, according to Kentucky.com.

While Pike County and the surrounding community come to grips with the church's decision, researchers at Ohio State University and Cornell University say black-white marriages in the United States are soaring, increasing threefold, from 3 percent in 1980 to 10.7 percent in 2008."

Did You Know?

Since moving to Portland two years ago I've tried to do what I can to make the best of where I'm living.. Visiting touristy and local hot spots alike. Trying out and exploring the culinary scene that makes Portland a foodies-wet-dream. Just generally trying to familiarize myself with the ins-and-outs of this new town. 

So when a friend forwarded me this "9 Facts You Might Not Know About Portland, OR" I was so up for the challenge!!

Here they are:
9. Portland is the only city with an extinct volcano within city limits. Yep. Mt Tabor. Not too far from where I live too. 

8. Portland has more movie theatres and restaurants, per capita, than any other city in the United States. Now while I didn't necessarily know this exact fact it's hard to not believe it. Especially where McMenamin's often times combines both in one establishment.

7. Portland has the second largest hammered copper statue in the world (the first is the Statue of Liberty). I did know this. Her name is Portlandia and she lives on 5th in Downtown. Depending on what angle you look at her she's either beautiful or a bit scary. 

6. More than 20 Farmer's Markets and 35 Community Gardens provide access to fresh, locally sourced food. Yes I did know that. And I've been to a number of them. :)
5. Saturday Market is the Largest continuously operating open-air crafts market in the United States. So while I did not know this I also don't agree with it...mostly because Saturday Market does shut down January and February (understandably so). So does that still count as "continuously"? I think this is a prime example of Portland just wants to be #1 at whatever it can. 

4. Portland's International Rose Test Garden is the oldest in the Nation. Believe it or not, I did know this. Mostly from my time working at the Portland Rose Festival. The garden was opened/started in 1917 and is actually 5 gardens in one.
3. Portland has more microbreweries and brew pubs than any other city in the nation. Again, I did know this. And because we're the microbrewery capital of the USA that means it's damn impossible to find a freaking liquor store anywhere!! Actually I have no idea if one is because of the other but it sounds like a good blame.

2. Portland is home to the nation's largest urban park - the 5,000 acre Forest Park. Look at me go! I knew this too!! I also know that Portland houses the smallest park in the WORLD!! Mills End Park. It's a whopping 452 sq. inches
1. Portland's nicknames include "Rose City", "City of Bridges", "Rip City", "River City", "Stumptown" and "Puddletown". Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! Although the "official" nickname is "City of Roses".
So in the end. I'm very proud of how much I've learned about my new town in the last two years. :)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Big Butt Blog

I love when things just fall into place sometimes. Not wrong place wrong time but instead right place right time. For me today the right place right time was reading an essay by Erin J Aubry, called "The Butt: it's politics, it's profanity, it's power" (part of the "Body Outlaws" anthology.

As I write this I'm sitting on a small plane headed from Portland to San Francisco (eventually making my way to San Diego). When I say small plane I mean put your carry on luggage below because the overheads are the size of a bread box, four seats across small.

The airline doesn't matter.

What does matter is today, this flight, was the first time I EVER in my nearly 10 years of flying as an adult, had to ask for a seat belt extension.

I was mortified.

Despite being size 26, and having good ol' fashioned birthing hips and a big butt I've always been able to wear a standard airline seat belt. 

Yes they've always fit snug over my hips but it's supposed to. Sometimes I've had to sit up straight, slip the belt under my belly to
have it sit across my lap.

But never have I had it not fit.
Not click into itself.

Thankfully I was one of the first on the plane and there were not that many people in the back of the plane when I slipped beside the flight attendant and had to ask for a "belt extension". The flight attendant smiled and politely asked what seat I was in as she handed me the balled up belt.

Did it have to be a different color?
Did she have to ask what seat I was in so everyone around knew the woman in 11D didn't fit in her seat?

Now to be fair to myself I fit in the seat. My hips and thighs don't spill over into my neighbors seat. It's just the combination of my hips, butt and stomach just were two or three inches too big to fit into the airlines expectation of "maximum size".

No matter how you look at it. No matter what spin you put to it. It was still the first time I had the thought "I'm too fat to fly".

Enter Erin Aubry's "The Butt".

Now while I cannot claim to know first hand the social stigmas and perceptions the country/world puts onto woman of color and their butts. A number of things that Aubry discusses in her essay spoke to me and I could relate my own personal experiences of being a big butt
woman.

"I have a big butt. Not wide hips, not a preening, weightlifting-enhanced butt thrust up like a chin, not an occasionally saucy rear that throws coqettish glances at strangers when it's in the mood and withdraw like a turtle when it's not. Every day, my butt wears me...."

I often feel this way. That no matter what I wear, how I try to camaflage it, there is no hiding that I have a BUTT! Although (perhaps) unlike Erin Aubry I also have wide hips. And there are days when I'm convinced my butt and hips are teaming up and flirting with strangers when I'm not looking. Winking and giving come hither looks to every man on the street.

I have no control over it and it gets me in trouble. My butt/hips are out there socializing away and then when the men come up to me and use such original come-ons like "Hey there Momma" and "Mmm. Damn girl"- I have to be the bitch that turns them down... It also doesn't help that
I think my breasts are in on the scam with my hips and butt.

There are days when I just cannot stand my butt/hip duo and want to vote them off the island.

Days when it doesn't matter how many pairs of pants I try on I just can't find a pair that fits. Either they fit around my waist but have too much fabric in the seat so it looks lime I've got a load back there. Or they fit fantastic over my butt, with curves in all the right places but I can't make the button up. Because I'm telling you now I don't do elastic waist bands unless we're talking pjs or lounge pants.

Days like today when something as insignificant as an airplane seat belt makes me hyperaware that I have a "larger than average" sized body and society isn't sure what to do with it.

"I'll admit: For all my hand wringing, I'm growing accustomed to my butt. It's a strange and wonderful development....as I've gotten heavier I've actually gotten more comfortable with how I look....So what if America, in it's infinite generosity, wants to hp me get rid of this bothersome behind....More and more, my response has been: I am going to eat cake. I will wear the things that fit-whatever ones I can find-with impunity. I will walk this way. I don't have an issue, I have a groove thing. Kiss my you know what."

This last piece of Aubry's essay is really what sang out to me. I am currently near the heaviest weight I have ever been (actually the heaviest was approximately three years ago but only by about fifteen or twenty pounds more) but I believe I'm also the most comfortable with my body...until days like today.

(End Note. I returned via this same airline on my way home from San Diego. This time on a standard 747 and my seat belt fit just fine)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Ready to Turn 30?

I'm not sure why I'm suddenly obsessing with (almost) being 30....?

Yes, my birthday is 2 1/2 months away but I'll be turning 29 not 30.

Maybe it's because I'm a "planner". I like to be prepared...like to know what to expect before something (large) happens. Plan ahead for any possible unexpected twists and turns.

This way, starting to think about the "Big 3-0" before it happens, I have time to get my life (somewhat) to a place that I'm (more) happy with.

I came across these "Tips All 30-Year-Old Women Should Know Before 30" in Madame Noire. And I thought it might be useful to go through these tips and see how "ready" I am.

*                *               *

Tip #1 How to cook a complete gourmet meal: "You don’t have to be Betty Crocker to know how to cook at least one decent meal. Maybe you can only whip up one complete meal, but anything beats spaghetti as your ‘specialty’. Everyone should know how to cook a meal edible enough for not only yourself, but guests as well."

Haha! I've got this one nooooo problem! I'm known for my cooking. I pride myself in my cooking. I love throwing dinner parties for large groups and/or small intimate dinners for two. I definitely know how to cook more than "at least one decent meal." 

Consider this one "Checked"



Tip #2 How to manage your finances: "Shopping until you drop or broke, whichever comes first, is definitely something that should be left in your 20s. Before turning 30, women should have a savings account, an emergency fund, and a checking account complete with next month’s expenses. In addition, knowing how to manage your money and not let it manage you is another trait you should possess before you turn 30."

Okay so this one I still need work on. (See this is why I'm starting to think about being 30 over a year ahead of schedule). I do have a retirement fund with my company, I have a checking account, have recently paid off a credit card (that hadn't been paid off properly...eek) and haven't had a bounced check in a while. However, if I lost my job tomorrow I'd be f***ed. I don't have a savings account and I have (maybe) just over $100.00 in my bank account (hooray for payday coming soon). However, now that the credit card has been paid off and 1/2 my monthly paychecks aren't going to pay off furniture from 6-7 years ago....I'm planning on starting to tuck away money for a nest egg (and hopefully not allowing my shoe fetish to eat away at it).

For now, I'll mark this one as "In Progress"



Tip #3 How to live alone: "If you’re accustomed to city life where living accommodations can become quite costly, you either have or have had your fair share of roommates; but before turning 30, if your funds permit, you should have experienced living on your own sans a friend, roommate, boyfriend, or especially parents."

Holy smokes am I ready for this again. I lived alone for a number of years however, because of relocation and financial situations I've been living with roommates and/or family for the last four years (give or take). Now it's time to start saving the money and find my own place again... hopefully long before I turn 30!

Checked and In Progress



Tip #4 What you will or won’t do for love or money: "Maybe you’ll air out your business on a reality show for a little extra change, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll spend your 30s attempting to be a basketball wife or maybe you’d prefer to make your own money. Whatever your choice, you should know before turning 30 what you will or won’t do for love or money. Understanding yourself and your limits is very important."

I don't think I've ever really thought much about it. But I think I'm pretty secure in myself, my values and my choices that I know what I would or wouldn't do for money and/or love. But I don't have a list in my wallet or anything. 

Checked.


Tip #5 How to have a healthy relationship with the other sex: "You’ve dealt with the cheaters, or maybe you were the cheater. You’ve been lied to or done the lying. You’ve had your heart broken and possibly broke a few hearts in the process. But through the negative, you’ve experienced a somewhat stable relationship with a man (other than your father). You’ve realized that men and women are completely different and our thought processes are even more distinct. Still, you’ve learned to work around the differences and how to sustain a healthy relationship with a man."

I have to say I laughed at the "other than your father" piece... but my "daddy-issues" aside and the list of "unhealthy" relationships I may or may not have had. I think I have had "healthy relationship(s) with the other sex". There are, of course, some bumps in the road with any and all relationships. 

Checked and In Progress


Tip #6 How to have a healthy relationship with yourself: "Before 30 you should know that you are worth the investment, physically, mentally, and emotionally. You understand that beauty is only skin deep and that keeping yourself up physically is on half of the battle. Before 30 you should know how to have a healthy relationship with yourself or at least on the path to doing so."

I have the occasional moment of amnesia but for the most part yea...I got this covered.

Check.



Tip #7 How to dress according to your shape, size, and style: "By 30 you should know that everything doesn’t look good on everybody. With that in mind, you know what works for your body shape, what colors compliment you the best, and different looks to don on different occasions. Simply put, you know exactly how to look fabulous."

You mean that "Juicy" written across my butt and buying tees from the Junior section isn't a smart idea? Oh.... DUH!!! I love clothes. I love fine tuning my style. And I think I do it very well. So consider this:

Checked!



Tip #8 How to pick your battles wisely: "By now you should know that every argument doesn’t require a response. Learning to choose your battles wisely is a characteristic that comes with getting older."

Yea. So we're not ending on the best note. I still have a lot to learn about picking my battles. But then I'm a stubborn hot blooded Italian woman. Oh well. I knew I wouldn't be 100% ready (according to Madame Noir) to turn 30. 

*               *               *

Anyone out there 30+ with other tips or suggestions for preparing for the big ol' 3-0?


Almost 30

So I have 1 year, 2 months and 27 days until I turn 30 years old. 

Yes - I know I'm jumping the gun and haven't even had my 29th birthday yet. 
No - I'm not dreading turning "the big 3-0"

What I am wondering is what to do with my "Surviving 20-Something" blog once I'm no longer a 20-something. 

That's where you come in. 

Do I change the title of this blog to allow for my life adventures as a 30-something woman? Do I start a new blog and just link the last entry of this blog to the new one?

What are your thoughts?

Little Black Dress


So I'm on the Holiday Party Planning committee for this year's company party. And of course, being an organizer and party planner, I want everything to be perfect.


Aside from making sure the party doesn't resemble a frat boy's 21st birthday (no offense to fraternities or 21 year olds) I want to make sure I look perfect as well. haha

I found this dress on Torrid.com and while I loved it I just wasn't sure if I could pull it off....but after some "fashion consultation" with a few friends I went for it!

The party is happening at a local Wine Bar and Lounge - so nothing fancy (last year it was held at a ballroom) but I still thought I needed something special. After I don't get much chance to put a dress and get dolled up. 

Besides every woman needs a little black dress right?

So it finally arrived and I couldn't wait to try it on (despite not having the proper push-me-pull-you-panties) and here it is (just ignore the look on my face - the flash startled me). 


I'm happy with the purchase and can't wait to wear it to the Holiday Party.  

Now to just accessorize.  I figured a killer pair of shoes and some fantastic earrings should be enough. Although if I can find a new bling-ring I'll be set. 

The other day while Christmas shopping I stumbled on these earrings and of course had to buy them. They'll go great with the dress I think. 


$6.80 at Forever XXI! 
SOLD!


Okay. Shoes time. I haven't really settled on what I want them to look like. I had come across a pair of shoes like this a while back (these are not the exact ones because of course now I can't find them). 

While they are super fun and I'll probably buy them "just because" I don't think they fit with what I'm looking for to wear at the Holiday Party. 

Friday I went to a Payless Shoes and fell in love with these. 


Holy Smokes! I'm in love. They also had them in black....can't I buy both? The red is sooo sexy but the black would go better with the dress. 


Sadly I left without any of them but the woman did say that another shipment of shoes would be arriving Monday. I think I'll have to be going after work and see what they've got in. But my gut says to just get these while I can. 

Soooo cute!!

If you have thoughts, suggestions of links to some killer accessories send them my way!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Red Flag

**WARNING!! This blog contains
some language
(quotes from others) that may offend.
Proceed with caution**


Okay. So if you haven't been following (or you are a new reader) the saga of my life life you may want to read this blog, and this one...and then finally this one. (Oh and if you want a quick, humorous wrap up of my dating experiences check this entry out)

Now somehow, and perhaps its because I've felt like my head has been in a whirlwind the past month or so, I have failed to mention that a week after Mr. HK (who is now back in the USA and I supposed should now be called either Mr. SF....or as one of my bff's calls him "The Creature") contacted me guess who should reappear on my computer screen? 

Mr. CT of course.

Sent me an email saying his computer crashed, lost all his emails, and that's why he hasn't emailed/IMd me lately. Now, I'll give him that, I'll trust that this is why the emails stopped. However, I am keeping in the back of my mind the fact that a broken computer does not also mean a broken phone (when questioned about not calling there has yet to be an answer). Also, when I mentioned to Mr. CT that I felt like "runner up" - because I saw he had restarted up his online dating profile - his response was "well it DIDN'T work out with anyone else."

.... he just didn't get it. 

At this point, I'd been honest with "The Ex" about the fact I had been 'seeing' others while we were broken up and equally I wanted to be honest with Mr. CT. about the fact that "The Ex" and I were talking and exploring the possibility of mending fences. 

His response: "The China Guy!?"

Now, from there I explained that he was no longer living in Hong Kong and that "The Ex" was only 1/2 Chinese (when I first started talking with Mr. CT he was perplexed on me having been in a LDR with someone in China). Something about "the China guy" just didn't sit well with me. My bff in Seattle tried to convince me I was just over reacting. That because "The Ex" was now back I was trying to convince myself that there was something racist wrong with Mr. CT. 

So we (Mr. CT and I) continued to talk and be friends. Then earlier last week Mr CT and I were chatting. He asked "So how is the China Guy"....hm? So as a response I told him I didn't think he really wanted to know how he was doing and if he had another question he just needed to ask. (My thoughts were that he was hoping "The Ex" and I weren't doing well and the gates had reopened for him). After a few moments of silence Mr. CT has a moment of verbal diarrhea asking if I've ever met "the China man" face to face and how do I know he's not a "Negro"
 
Um? WHAT THE FUCK!!??

RED FLAG!!

RED FLAG!!

Overwhelmed and shocked I ended our conversation (thankfully it was 5 o'clock and ending the conversation was fairly easy enough). I quickly sent my Seattle BFF a text message telling her what just happened and asking if I could start jumping to conclusions and see this as a "red flag"!! (of course she said 'yes')

Later on Mr. CT found me again online and apologized saying he didn't mean to offend me, he was just curious if I knew "The Ex" wasn't "white, black or whatever".....I replied that I wasn't offended by the intent of the question just his use of the term "Negro"... no response.Since then I have received a few (offline) messages telling me 'good morning' and 'evening'. 

At this point I don't see him talking his way out of this one. 
I don't see me believing anything he might say trying to. 

At this point I'm not sure if I need to tell him to just piss off point blank or to simply let this whole thing fade away into the cyber-sunset. Either way, Mr. CT's time is quickly running out. 

Thursday, October 20, 2011

BOOBS!

So hopefully you are all familiar with The Bloggess? I have a huge blog-crush going on with her...hopefully if the obsession goes too far someone will stop me before she turns on me like Shatner turned on her.

Anyway, The Bloggess not only maintains her own (hilarious) blog but she also writes for Sexis and last week she wrote an article called A Boob By Any Other Name and I had to share it with my readers.

Now in the article she explains these are names that Twitter's hashtag #NicknamesForBreasts show. Some of my favorite are:

The old stand-bys:
Knockers
The girls (My usual go-to name)
Ta-tas

Fun to say*:
Chee Chees (that's what my family has always called boobs when you're a little girl)**

Weirdly poetic:
Devil’s Dumplings

Adorable:
Dirty pillows (A friend also used to refer to them as "Naughty Pillows")


Kind of brilliant:
The Golden Girl***
Bert and Ernie
Frick and Frack
Thelma and Louise (because those girls are always in trouble)



*I also heard a joke (or maybe read it somewhere on FB?) that was "I have bigger balls than any man I know. They're so big God had to put them on my chest to prevent chaffing" (<--one of the nicknames from twitter was calling breasts "testicles" and The Bloggess had a question mark next to it).

**In my family we also refer to them as "ma-guppies" (a reference to a M*A*S*H episode where a Korean refugee child keeps calling Klinger "Mamasan").

***I totally love the idea of calling boobs "The Golden Girls" until you then start thinking of them as old, wrinkly and saggy. But hell if they're as sassy and raunchy as Betty White...I'm all in!!





Friday, October 14, 2011

Beauty DIY

So I know I'm not a "theme day" type blogger.
Nor have I been a big "fashion" type blogger.

However!

I came across two fun fashion/beauty ideas today I just had to share.

The first is homemade pore strips!!

Because I am the first to admit I am addicted. It sounds gross I know but there is just something so addicting about pulling off that strip and seeing the disgusting-ness I've cleaned out of my pours.I plan on going home later tonight and giving this a try.

I had a friend (the one who originally posted the idea) tell me when she tried it "didn't find it to be setting up... but tried to make it more paste like and added baking soda... then it got flaky... so [she] did [her] whole face like a mask (very cool and refreshing) and kinda worked like a scrub in the shower feelin' smooth and not dried out"

The second is nail print art.  

It totally looks fun and funky - but I have to say I'm a little worried about what it might do to my recent manicure. Maybe I'll try it out on my sister! Haha. 

I love this type of beauty DIY and will definitely let you know how both of these turn out.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Taking a Cue from Bridget Jones

 
"Will find nice, sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts... "


Mermaid or Whale?

French model Tara Lynn
A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. 

They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.




Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Hardest Journey


“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping” - Chinese Proverb

*          *          *

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

2nd Chance?

So today Mr. Hong Kong messaged me.....just talking about what we have or haven't done in the last four months, what we do or don't want to see happen, what it even means that we're talking now.....

Normally (or at least pre-Mr.HK) my philosphy on exes has always been "an ex is an ex for a reason"... no questions. no 2nd chances. no matter the circumstances.

But now I'm not so sure. 

So I posted a question on my FB and I want to ask it here too:




"Have you ever gone against your better judgement or personal philosophy when it comes to exes?"

So far the responses (from friends/family online) have been:

"No. Bad Morgan."
"Who hasn't? And it always comes back to bite you in the ass"
"Which EX are you talking about?"



So what about you?
Do you think 2nd chances can happen?
Have you ever given an ex a 2nd chance?
What happened?


Sex Ed (for Adults)

Came across this Salon article/quiz and just had to share!

A sex ed exam -- for adults
By Tracy Clark-Flory

"D.C. is introducing standardized tests about s-e-x in public schools. Can you pass our version for grown-ups?"

1) A paraphilia is:
a. A fetish for parachuting
b. An incurable sexually transmitted infection
c. A clinical category of sexual disorders
d. A word I just made up to sound smart

2) Abstinence-only education:
a. Delays first intercourse
b. Reduces rates of teen pregnancy
c. Reduces rates of STIs
d. All of the above
e. None of the above -- and yet Congress has spent over $1.5 billion on it



3) What is the average duration of heterosexual intercourse?
a. Less than a minute
b. 13 minutes
c. 8 minutes
d. 25 minutes

4) Roughly how many women can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone?
a. 10 percent
b. 20 percent
c. 60 percent
d. All of them, they just haven't met Mr. Right

5) Non-human animals have been observed doing all of the following EXCEPT:
a. Group sex
b. Same-sex sexual behavior
c. Making dildo-like objects
d. Oral sex
e. "Except" nothing -- they've done all of the above and then some. Uncivilized animals.

6) What infection is NOT included in most STI screenings?
a. Chlamydia
b. Gonorrhea
c. Herpes
d. HIV

7) How many men have faked orgasm?
a. 10 percent
b. 25 percent
c. 40 percent
d. None -- dudes can't fake it and don't have to

8) A woman may experience orgasm as a result of sensory information from which of the following nerves:
a. Pudendal nerve
b. Pelvic nerve
c. Hypogastric nerve
d. Vagus nerve
e. All of the above

9) Which is generally the most pleasure-prone part of a man's penis?
a. The underside of the glans
b. The top side of the penile shaft
c. The head
d. It's all the same

10) Which of the following is true about marital satisfaction?
a. It generally decreases after you have a baby together
b. It all goes to hell after the baby's born
c. It is usually not affected after a couple has a baby together

11) What percent of married adults are largely satisfied with their sexual partner?
a. 54 percent
b. 64 percent
c. 94 percent
d. 0 percent. Married couples don't have sex


12) Which of the following can reduce the effectiveness of oral contraceptives?
a. Female orgasms
b. Antibiotics
c. Antidepressants
d. All of the above

13) Stop reading, Mom. Approximately what percent of heterosexual women and men in the U.S. have had anal sex?
a. 10 percent
b. 15 percent
c. Trick question! Only gay men have anal sex
d. 25 percent

14) How long does it usually take for symptoms of HIV to appear?
a. Two weeks
b. Six months
c. Two years
d. Over a decade

15) How many women and men feel preoccupied with their sexual performance?
a. 5 percent of women, 10 percent of men
b. 15 percent of women, 15 percent of men
c. 30 percent of women, 50 percent of men
d. 0 percent of women (all they have to do is lie there), 0 percent of men (what's there to worry about?)

16) A person who has oral herpes (cold sores) can pass the herpes virus to a partner while performing oral sex on them.
a. True
b. False

17) Among young, healthy men who have difficulties getting or keeping an erection, the cause is most often related to:
a. Erectile dysfunction
b. Performance anxiety
c. Peyronie's disease
d. Phimosis

18) Approximately what percent of couples have experienced sexual problems?
a. 10 to 20 percent
b. 32 to 40 percent
c. 57 to 70 percent
d. 78 to 95 percent

19) Which of the following lubricants can be used safely with latex condoms:
a. Silicone-based lubricants
b. Water-based lubricants
c. Oil-based lubricants
d. All of the above
e. A and B only

20) How many U.S. states grant same-sex marriage licenses?
a. 6
b. 4
c. 10
d. None




21) What is a "gender identity"?
a. It dictates whom a person is sexually attracted to
b. It is a person's inner sense of maleness and/or femaleness
c. It is your biological sex
d. All of the above

22) Roughly how many men and women have never masturbated?
a. 2 percent of men and 25 percent of women
b. 10 percent of men and 20 percent of women
c. 1 percent of men and 15 percent of women
d. 5 percent of men and 11 percent of women

23) Which is the fastest-growing group of people with HIV in the U.S.?
a. Homosexuals
b. Men who have sex with men
c. African-American women
d. Gay Caucasian men

24) What is the most-visited porn site on the Internet?
a. LiveJasmin.com
b. YouPorn.com
c. XTube.com
d. Spankwire.com

25) Which acts as an abortifacient?
a. Plan B
b. RU-486
c. IUDs
d. All of the above

26) The HPV vaccine can reduce the risk of:
a. Genital warts
b. Cervical cancer
c. Anal cancer
d. All of the above

27) A woman's virginity can be proven by:
a. An intact hymen
b. Bleeding during first intercourse
c. Both A and B
d. Nothing -- it can't be proven with physical evidence










1) c; 2) e; 3) c; 4) b; 5) e; 6) c; 7) b; 8) e; 9) a; 10) a; 11) c; 12) b; 13) a; 14) d; 15) c; 16) a; 17) b; 18) d; 19) e; 20) a; 21) b; 22) d; 23) c; 24) a; 25) b; 26) d; 27) d


If you scored between:

18 and 27, you go to the head of the class. Email me and I just might send you a Certificate of Sexual Proficiency.

8 and 17, you're probably Canadian.

Zero and seven, you likely landed on this page by Googling "free porn" -- sorry to disappoint. (See: The answers to Question 24 above.)