Dating the last 4 months

I came to the realization that Mr. Hong Kong and I have only been broken-up for four months.... and unfortunately I sent him an email today....just saying a happy belated birthday and hoping he was well. I'm so stupid.

I then immediately messaged my bff in Seattle telling her what I'd done. Here's how some of that conversation went:

BFF: I told you that this wasn't going to be easy....and that it was going to be hard.

Me: I know. You're right, as always. It's not like I expected to break up with "Mr. Hong Kong", turn the corner and find prince charming. But at least someone who is local, not a workaholic, not creepy/sleezy and wants to get to know more than my bra size

BFF: I know... but it doesn't make it easy that the other guys weren't even half decent

Me: Seriously. my "1st date"...well we've talked about him plenty. Then there was the teacher and the Canadian who both just disappeared. Mr. CT who looked like things were going well before *poof* The guy in SoCal who is only interested in sex. The Chicago guy who wanted me to fart on him. And now the "local" lawyer who doesn't know when he'll be leaving Tokyo.

BFF: I am trying not to laugh, because of how you put it but you should write a book! hahahah

Me: AND THAT'S ONLY IN THE LAST FOUR MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!

BFF: I know! hahaha

.....(later on in the conversation).....

Me: Oh. and I forgot about the Australian who, even though we both were emailing just as friends (because of the distance) - just stopped emailing. And then there is the guy from the UK who couldn't stop complimenting me (but in that way of weirdness) "Me: What's the weather like. Him: Rainy but it'd be sunny if you were here beautiful." WTF? Where do I find these guys?! And don't get me started on the ones who hit on me in person around town.

...(even later on)...

BFF: Ever thought of taking the sex people up on their offer? ...Maybe you need something without any ties... just have some fun.

Me: Yea but guys in Portland are (for the most part) gross and i honestly have no idea how or where to even beginning thinking let alone doing something like that. I can't get a guy to buy me a cup of coffee let alone take me home for the night.

Oy vey. I just get so frustrated with the whole dating process. I wish I could just shut the part of my brain off that desires a relationship. I wish I knew how to just pick up men in a bar and slip out the next morning before . I wish I knew how to shut down emotionally and not need or want a partner/companion. I wish this how thing was just easier.