Miss Representation (trailer)

Oy Vey.

29 Signs Your Biological Clock is Ticking (*my "oy vey"s)

"I thought I could beat science. I thought breeding would be best left to girls with, you know, feelings. It was for women whose gag reflex is strong enough to handle rooms full of “baby pink” and stores with names like “A Pea In The Pod.” I remember watching Marisa Tomei in “My Cousin Vinny” talk about her biological clock and thinking, Dang that is one slammin’ mini dress she can pull off. Why the heck would she give that bod up for a baby with some schlub? Bitch is crazy! But lately, I have to admit, I just can’t fight this feeling anymore! Babies have won me over with their adorable powers, which are part bunny-soft, part kung-fu grip. Curse you, cuties! You are sweet, lovable lady kryptonite. So, as someone who is trying to hit the snooze button on her biological clock, I’m here to help you, my fellow womankind, to notice the sneaky signs of their newborn magic working on you ..." Simcha

1. You’re checking out the man with a Baby Bjorn at the park, even though he’s standing next to a ripped, shirtless dude soaking up some rays*.
   
2. You make silly faces at passing kids is strollers*.
   
3. When you hear a baby cry you think, Aww! instead of STFU!*
   
4. That woman over there is a bad mother. You’d be so much better.*
   
5. Your horoscope says you’re going to be pleasantly surprised and you think you should pick up a home pregnancy test.
   
6. The cutest thing in the world: baby shoes!*
   
7. It didn’t even occur to you that there was something odd about a grown woman going to see “Toy Story 3.”*
   
8. Pregnant ladies don’t scare you.*
   
9. Dog-sitting for your friend made for the best weekend ever.
   
10. You already have a pet, but you want one more.*
    
11. Your mom is starting to make sense.
    
12. You are getting way too comfortable talking about bodily functions.*
    
13. You suddenly notice the places you go would be great to bring kids to.*
    
14. One-night stands have lost their appeal.*
    
15. You’ve thought about buying a onesie with a hilarious pun on it and saving it for when you have a baby.*
    
16. You might not know all the adults at the BBQ, but everyone at the kids’ table knows your name.
    
17. When a kid cries in your arms, you don’t hand them back to their mother.*
    
18. Baby showers are full of the cutest crap, aren’t they?*
    
19. You always wait, holding the door open, when you see a woman with a stroller in the area.*
    
20. When you see cool kid stuff, you don’t think, I used to love this! Instead, you think, So-and-so’s kid would love this!*
    
21. You have figured out how a baby would fit in your apartment.
    
22. You get pangs of nostalgia for your old babysitting days. Sigh.
    
23. LOL Cats is your slang. “Can I haz babeez now?!”
    
24. You kill time at work surfing for adorable animal photos.
    
25. Breastfeeding in public is a beautiful, natural thing.*
    
26. You totally comment on more than one of your friend’s Facebook baby photos.*
    
27. Your new personal hero is:
    
28. The thought of giving up booze for nine months doesn’t freak you out.*
    
29. You’ve already spent more time looking at the super cute baby in the photo above than reading this list.

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I have a #30 for the list....You are Googling "Biological Clock Ticking"*...

*sigh*

Portland: Childless by Choice

(Article was the headline news of the Oregonian today).

Fewer Oregon homes include children, new census data show

By Nikole Hannah-Jones, The Oregonian

Susana Holloway is a college-educated foodie who owns a business, shares a cute red bungalow in Northeast Portland with her husband, and loves children.

She just doesn't want any.

In Portland, the 37-year-old can feel at home. The city known for its young creatives should perhaps be known for its young and childless.

Just 30 percent of households in Oregon have children, the lowest rate among all but seven states, according to U.S. Census data released today. The picture is even starker in Portland, where only one in four homes includes a child 17 or younger.

But while an aging population helps explain the dearth of households with children statewide, Portland is bulging with residents of prime child-rearing age. Fully 36 percent of Portlanders are ages 25 to 44, the highest share among Oregon communities of at least 10,000 residents.

Yet the city's population of school-age children shrank over the decade even as the city grew. According to the 2010 Census, Portland is home to about 76,300 children ages 5 to 17, down by more than 2,800 from 2000.

"Young people come here not to raise families but because the urban core is a place with close proximity to jobs, nightlife, good restaurants and having fun," said Charles Rynerson, a demographer at the Portland State University Population Research Center. "Many people who come here either haven't started a family here yet or they will somewhere else."

The past decade, as many baby boomers aged from parents with children at home to empty-nesters, showed a sharp decline in the share of households with children -- nationally, in Oregon and in Portland. Oregon's rate of households with children dropped from 33 percent to 30 percent, paralleling a 3 percentage point drop nationwide to 33 percent.

Clackamas County showed an even steeper decline, from 37 percent in 2000 to 33 percent in 2010. Clark County was part of the trend, too, with a drop from 40 percent to 36 percent.

Americans gave birth to fewer babies in 2010 than in 1990, according to preliminary census tallies, despite tens of millions of immigrants entering the country. Twenty-three states saw a net loss in children since 2000. Oregon's under-17 population inched up during the decade, but the adult population grew much faster.

Rynerson said a few factors link Oregon with the other states -- Maine, North Dakota, Montana, West Virginia, Florida, Pennsylvania and Vermont -- with the lowest rate of households with children. They all have a larger than average population of baby boomers. And except for Florida, they are very white states. White women have the lowest fertility rates.

Yet according to the most recent national census study of women who reached their early 40s without having children, education is a greater influence than race or ethnicity on whether a woman becomes a mother. While Portland's population is young, it maintains a thriving creative class that is highly educated and tends to put off or eschew child-rearing.

"This is a city of young foodies, designers and artists, and they don't have the energy or the time to want to start a family," said Holloway, who decided not to have children because of overpopulation and who runs a cooking school called Portland's Culinary Workshop. "It's such a creative city that people feel like they can make a go of it, and that's what they focus on. I joke that my business is my baby."

Portland's Karen Foster published her book "No Way Baby!: Exploring, Understanding, and Defending the Decision NOT to Have Children" this year and said the census reflects a trend toward waiting for or forgoing children.

"Many of these people simply haven't had children yet," said Foster, 43 and childless by choice. "People live here because they want to as opposed to going somewhere because of a job, so the city attracts people who are taking advantage of the lifestyle and may put off child-rearing."

Progressive cities such as Portland apply less pressure to have children, particularly at a young age, she said. But she bristles at the "Portlandia" notion that the city is full of adults who refuse to grow up.

"People accidentally get pregnant, but they don't accidentally not have children. That takes planning," she said. "Sometimes it's a very grown-up decision."

PSU's Rynerson said having fewer households with children carries positive and negative effects. Fewer children relative to adults means fewer tax dollars spent on children's services. But it also means fewer people to pay into Social Security to care for an aging nation and to take jobs to fuel the economy as earlier generations retire. Locally, a dwindling youth population leads to school closures and other upheaval.

But if Portland is unusual in its childlessness, one need look only a few miles away to find very different landscapes. More than 50 percent of households have children in Bethany, Cornelius and Sherwood. In Happy Valley, it's 49 percent.

Jason Gardner, a 35-year-old real estate agent and father of three, moved to Sherwood 11 years ago and has watched it flourish as families planted roots. While Portland is heavy on rental housing -- 46 percent rent -- Sherwood draws families, and 75 percent of residents own their homes.

"People typically don't move here to have babies, but I see people more times than not coming here to purchase when they already have young children," he said. "The biggest reason people move here is because it seems to attract people who want an environment where they can raise their kids peacefully and safely, and send them to good schools. Sherwood is a haven for those types of families."

Let Children be Children!

A friend had this link to this article on her facebook this morning. I had no idea that I would be sitting at my desk holding back laughter and nodding my head, in agreement with the author, as I read. LZ Granderson hits it on the head when he asks the question about what is going through the heads of marketing teams creating these products and what is going through the heads of the parents purchasing these items for their little ones!

*     *     *

Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps

By LZ Granderson, CNN Contributor

April 19, 201

Grand Rapids, Michigan (CNN) -- I saw someone at the airport the other day who really caught my eye.

Her beautiful, long blond hair was braided back a la Bo Derek in the movie "10" (or for the younger set, Christina Aguilera during her "Xtina" phase). Her lips were pink and shiny from the gloss, and her earrings dangled playfully from her lobes.

You can tell she had been vacationing somewhere warm, because you could see her deep tan around her midriff thanks to the halter top and the tight sweatpants that rested just a little low on her waist. The icing on the cake? The word "Juicy" was written on her backside.

Yeah, that 8-year-old girl was something to see all right. ... I hope her parents are proud. Their daughter was the sexiest girl in the terminal, and she's not even in middle school yet.

Abercrombie & Fitch came under fire this spring for introducing the "Ashley," a push-up bra for girls who normally are too young to have anything to push up. Originally it was marketed for girls as young as 7, but after public outcry, it raised its intended audience to the wise old age of 12. I wonder how do people initiate a conversation in the office about the undeveloped chest of elementary school girls without someone nearby thinking they're pedophiles?

Push-up bikini controversyVideo

What kind of PowerPoint presentation was shown to the Abercrombie executives that persuaded them to green light such a product?

That there was a demand to make little girls hot?

I mean, that is the purpose of a push-up bra, right? To enhance sex appeal by lifting up, pushing together and basically showcasing the wearer's breasts. Now, thanks to AF Kids, girls don't have to wait until high school to feel self-conscious about their, uhm, girls. They can start almost as soon as they're potty trained. Maybe this fall the retailer should consider keeping a plastic surgeon on site for free consultations.

We've been here with Abercrombie before -- if you recall, about 10 years ago they sold thongs for 10-year-olds -- but they're hardly alone in pitching inappropriate clothing to young girls. Four years ago the popular "Bratz" franchise introduced padded bras called "bralettes" for girls as young as six. That was also around the time the good folks at Wal-Mart rolled out a pair of pink panties in its junior department with the phrase "Who Needs Credit Cards" printed on the front.

I guess I've been out-of-the-loop and didn't realize there's been an ongoing stampede of 10-year-old girls driving to the mall with their tiny fists full of cash demanding sexier apparel.

What's that you say? Ten-year-olds can't drive? They don't have money, either? Well, how else are they getting ahold of these push-up bras and whore-friendly panties?

Their parents?

Noooo, couldn't be.

What adult who wants a daughter to grow up with high self-esteem would even consider purchasing such items? What parent is looking at their sweet, little girl thinking, "She would be perfect if she just had a little bit more up top."

And then I remember the little girl at the airport. And the girls we've all seen at the mall. And the kiddie beauty pageants.

And then I realize as creepy as it is to think a store like Abercrombie is offering something like the "Ashley", the fact remains that sex only sells because people are buying it. No successful retailer would consider introducing an item like a padded bikini top for kindergartners if they didn't think people would buy it.

If they didn't think parents would buy it, which raises the question: What in the hell is wrong with us?

It's easy to blast companies for introducing the sexy wear, but our ire really should be directed at the parents who think low rise jeans for a second grader is cute. They are the ones who are spending the money to fuel this budding trend. They are the ones who are suppose to decide what's appropriate for their young children to wear, not executives looking to brew up controversy or turn a profit.

I get it, Rihanna's really popular. But that's a pretty weak reason for someone to dress their little girl like her.

I don't care how popular Lil' Wayne is, my son knows I would break both of his legs long before I would allow him to walk out of the house with his pants falling off his butt. Such a stance doesn't always makes me popular -- and the house does get tense from time to time -- but I'm his father, not his friend.

Friends bow to peer pressure. Parents say, "No, and that's the end of it."

The way I see it, my son can go to therapy later if my strict rules have scarred him. But I have peace knowing he'll be able to afford therapy as an adult because I didn't allow him to wear or do whatever he wanted as a kid.

Maybe I'm a Tiger Dad.

Maybe I should mind my own business.

Or maybe I'm just a concerned parent worried about little girls like the one I saw at the airport.

In 2007, the American Psychological Association's Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls issued a report linking early sexualization with three of the most common mental-health problems of girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression. There's nothing inherently wrong with parents wanting to appease their daughters by buying them the latest fashions. But is getting cool points today worth the harm dressing little girls like prostitutes could cause tomorrow?

A line needs to be drawn, but not by Abercrombie. Not by Britney Spears. And not by these little girls who don't know better and desperately need their parents to be parents and not 40-year-old BFFs.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of LZ Granderson. 

Editor's note: LZ Granderson writes a weekly column for CNN.com. A senior writer and columnist for ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com, he has contributed to ESPN's "Sports Center," "Outside the Lines" and "First Take." He is a 2011 and 2010 nominee and the 2009 winner of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation award for online journalism and a 2010 and 2008 honoree of the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association for column writing. 

*     *     *

While I am a big supporter of freedom of expression. Freedom to dress yourself however you want. I am also a big(ger) supporter of letting kids be kids. They grow up quicker than we realize without social media and marketing pressuring them to get their faster.

Becoming a Portlander

So I've lived in Portland for over a year (17-18 months) and when people ask "How do you like Portland?" I always seem to give a "It's nice" level answer. It's pretty, it's got so much, it's nice to be near family, blah blah blah. But nothing committal. 

I just haven't found my groove as it were. I always have "blamed" it on where in town I live. I'm a 30-45 minute car ride away from the City Center (which is a 45-60 minute ride via public transportation). And the neighborhood I currently live in isn't conducive to walking out the front door and experiencing Portland. 

Adjusting to any new town or city isn't easy. There are things that set you apart from "locals'. Things here and there that people consider initiation into being a Fill-in-the-Blank-er. So here I am 18 months into living in Portland and looking to become a Portlander (without being eligible as a cast member on Portlandia). 

A few months back the Willamette Week (an alternative newspaper in town) published their Finder magazine which includes "100 things you must do to be a Portlander" (by Matthew Korfhage, AP Kryza, Aaron Mesh, Becky Ohlsen and Chris Stamm).....Warning to readers. The Willamette Weekly can and is not PC, it is sarcastic, crude and airs on the side of asshole-ish. So if you are easily offended you might want to stop reading here.

So here we go. What they think I need to do to become a Portlander (and my thoughts on their suggestions)

*     *     *

100 Things You Must Do to be a Portlander

1. Throw away your umbrella - I don't think so. First I've heard this from people about Portland, San Francisco and Seattle. I've seen locals using umbrellas in all these places. And truth be told - a hat messes up my hair, a hoodie is not appropriate for my job and I don't want to look like a drowned rat to or from work. So I carry an umbrella with me at all times. Guess I'm just destended to not be a Portlander from the start.

2. Apply for a job at Powell's - I don't remember if I applied at Powells or not when I was seeking employment upon arrival. The cool thing I heard recently though is Powells prefers to higher people with higher education degrees. So if the gig I have fails at least I know I'm not over qualified for them. :)

3. Sell books at Powells - Haven't done this yet either. 0-3 so far. I tend to either not get rid of books, give them to friends and/or donate them to the Goodwill. 

4. Get a Multnomah County Library card (it's free) - Everyone in Portland reads! That's not a gross over generalization or blanket statement. Men, women, upperclass, homeless....they all have books and they'r always reading. I love that about Portland. Unfortunately I haven't gotten my butt up and around to getting a library card. I have plenty of books at home for now.

5. Get thrown off the MAX - No thank you. I have no desire to cause such a disturbance that I am thrown off the MAX! I have a trimet pass anyway. 

6. Thank your bus driver - Politeness for the win!! I do this every time whether I get off through the front or back doors. Nothing wrong with being grateful. 

7. Call a Radio Cab because TriMet doesn't run early enough to get you to the airport in time for a cross-country flight you booked before thinking about how you would get to the airport - Um.....? No? Yes I've called a cab (although not Radio Cab). Not to or from the airport.  And even if my flight was that early I know there are friends/family who would help me out. 

8. Learn how to pronounce Couch - For those of you who don't know...it's pronounced Kooch. *pause* Okay. Done giggling? Couch was a Portland founding father, blah blah blah. Yes I know the proper pronunciation and no I don't giggle over it. 

9. Cancel your social plans because it's raining too hard. - I don't think I've canceled on anyone because of the rain. There are days when it's raining so hard I decide not to venture out doors but I wouldn't cancel on friends due to the weather. 

10. Get a Netflix account, then get a Movie Madness account because you feel guilty.  - I have no idea what Movie Madness is. I'm assuming a more local version of Netflix (?) So another "no".

11. Join a food co-op or produce delivery service - Nope.

12. Eat meat surreptitiously. - Not going to happen.

13. Realize too late that city parking tickets double after 30 days - and keeps going. - Nope. Don't drive so I don't have to worry. 

14. Stand with a gaggle of misdemeanor offenders in the obscenely long metal-detector line at hte Multnomah County Courthouse. - Not yet.

15. Go to a strip club to play pool - Not that I don't have plenty to pick from but it hasn't happened.

16. Grow a half-beard. - I think that even though this hasn't happened to me, it's not going to count against me either. 

17. Get a haircut drunk - Never! No matter where I live!

18. Attend a themed pub crawl, like Santacon in December or the Urban Iditarod in March. Never do it again. - I had someone suggest I do this next year....Doubt it will happen.

19. Work off a hangover with an afternoon of Skee-Ball at Avalon Theatre and Wunderland Nickel Arcade  - Not yet and I'm not really a big fan of arcades....

20. Flirt at the Doug Fir fire pit. - Nope.

21. Watch the sunset from Mount Tabor - No objections to this, just hasn't happened

22. Forward a Portland-related story from the New York Times website - Of course I have! Forwarded them to folks living here as well as soon-to-be visiting friends. 

23. Deplore the Mexican food, until you discover a burrito cart - So I haven't discovered a burrito cart but we have found a few restaurants that satisfy us enough....for now (Don Pedro, Por Que No, La Isla Bonita)

24. Apply to grad school and don't go - Haven't applied. Thought about it but didn't even get to the application process part

25. Endure seasonal affective disorder (aka November) - Or you know...September through June...but whatever.....

26. Explain how you're still feeling bad about what happened to Elliott Smith. - Not so much

27. Use Craigslist to befriend somebody with a medical marijuana card. - Not going to happen...ever

28. Discover sliding-scale therapy. - Know it exists but haven't used it.

29. Walk the Eastbank Esplanade. - I've walked along the west side of river but never the east

30. Develop a passive-aggressive method to deter people asking for change and/or your signature. - I probably have but being passive aggressive just haven't realized I've developed it....denial stage still. :)

31. Take a bag of empty bottles to the grocery store return station for that precious $3 - We give them to my sister who does.

32. Sleep with somebody who works at New Seasons. - Haha. No. Haven't done this either. 

33. Experience Starbucks shame - This is not a Portland only concept. But since Starbucks not only gave my younger sister her first job ever, has treated her well and has given her insurance...Starbucks haters can kiss my ass.

34. Hate California - Never going to happen. Sorry folks. I still have my California ID

35. Quit a yoga class - Haven't joined one (yet)

36. Pick a side of the Willamette River (you're either a westsider or an eastsider. You can't be both). - This is soooo true! I was talking to a co-worker (who lives on the eastside) about how I was thinking of moving to the westside to be closer to work...the look she gave me!! You would have thought I just told her I decided to become a cannibal!

37. Gentrify a neighborhood. - Nope.

38. Pick berries on Sauvie Island- Nope.

39. Pretend to listen to OPB- Nope.

40. Embrace soccer. It's inevitable. - Nope.

41. Be outraged that Brandon Roy is dissed by NBA All-Star voters- Who?.That's soccer right? Oh! Basketball...got it!

42. Complain about mild traffic. - Get over it Portlanders. You don't like the traffic go try commuting home in LA

43. Shop for a station wagon - Volvo or Subaru - Haven't.

44. Buy a backyard chicken - No...and I honestly can't see this ever happening. Please if it does commit me!

45. Have an opinion on Oregon pinot - Why?

46. Vote! It's by mail, so you have no excuses. - Of course!!! A few times at this point!

47. Dance at the Fez, the Goodfoot or Ararat- Haven't.

48. Pull a phone number at a dog park.- Haven't.

49. Buy some outdoor gear (You don't have to use it).- Haven't.

50. Accidentally fuck up the compost bin at a Burgerville - I don't know! :S

51. Develop a deep-seated scorn for those tax dodgers in Vancouver - Whatever! I can't blame them for wanting to not pay Sales Tax either! If I lived in WA I'd try to get away with it too!!

52. Pretend you don't recognize somebody is a Suicide Girl- Haven't.

53. Be proud of your black friend. - Oh WW

54. If you've read Chuck Palaniuk, pretend you haven't, or vice versa - Again a town of liars?

55. Get laid off, join the creative class- Haven't.

56. Buy clothes from Red Light and try to sell them at Buffalo Exchange- Haven't.

57. Find a dress at the Red White & Blue Thrift Store.- Haven't.

58. Wear it to the Red Dress Party- Haven't.

59. Get lost in outer east Portland - I live in the OUTER east Portland so getting lost doesn't really happen. Now the west? That's a different story. 

60. Float down the Little Sandy River with liquored-up rednecks.- Not yet

61. Wait in line for brunch - There's no way around this. Portland is OBSESSED with breakfast/brunch. No matter where you go - if it's a weekend brunch you're going to wait. 

62. Crash your bicycle on the streetcar tracks while distracted by the sign warning you not to crash you bike on the streetcar tracks. - LMAO! I want to meet someone who has just to shake their hand. I wish I could say I've done this!

63. Drive over the Cascades at night. - Not at night.

64. Don't buy tire chains, then complain when Les Schwabe runs out during the annual snowstorm. - Snowstorms? Please. Yes, I bitch and moan every winter (I've been through two) but snowstorm? Unless you're commuting outside of Portland you don't need tire chains. And at this point everyone is so panicked from a few winters ago (when it did snow so hard the town of Portland shut down) that they all own snow tires or tire chains at this point.  

65. Be forced to disembark public transit because it's stuck in snow. - See above.

66. Hug a stranger at the Oregon Brewers Festival - Haven't gone to a Brew Fest yet so no stranger hugs.

67. Learn how hard it is to be pregnant and vegan - Well. Let's see. I haven't been pregnant and don't plan on being vegan...so I don't think this one is going to happen either. 

68. Take a filmmaking class at the NW Film Center - Haven't.

69. Watch The Big Lebowski with beer at a theatre- Haven't.

70. Mistake Gus Van Sant for a homeless person - I have to admit. I had to look him up. No clue who he was. So I may have....haha. 

71. Adopt a favorite homeless person, the only one you'll give money - I do have a  favorite in the sense of the most creative sign I've seen. I gave him the hot leftovers from my breakfast the one (and only) morning I saw him....but I would never just give one person money only. (Oh the guys sign said something along the lines of "Allergic to Jail. Too Ugly to Prostitute. Too old o work.")

72. Watch your favorite shitty bar get replaced by a condo - My favorite bars are far from shitty and none have been replaced by condos. 

73. Give your house a stupid name, as if it's a real music venue - Never going to happen.

74. Complain about a free concert - Bitch bitch bitch.

75. Britt Daniel - Um? Who?

76. Ride the 14-line Bus of Shame - Now I have ridden the 14-line but it was after a pot-luck and in the early evening. There was no Ride-of-Shame involved.

77. Distrust the police, even though all your interactions with them have been without incident - I've met a number of police offers and they've all been super polite and kind. However, I am an educated white woman. They (the police) have been a little trigger-happy lately if you ask some people. Doesn't mean I'm going to develop a distrust for them. 

78. Visit the Paul Bunyan statue in Kenton - No, but I WANT TO!!

79. Stop thinking the pronunciation of Couch is funny. - Already have. 

80. Get an Oregon drivers license (it's $60) - I was just talking about this with someone. My Cali ID is good until 2015...we'll see what happens then. 

81. Wait patiently in Camas for someone to pump your gas - Okay. So it wasn't Camas. But it was in Washington. We'd only been living in Oregon two months. We were on our way home from Thanksgiving dinner in WA and stopped for gas in the little town before we headed home. We didn't wait long luckily but it was that "Oh yea!" moment when we realized no one was going to come and pump our gas for us. 

82. Join an ironic/drunk sport - Probably not going to happen.

83. Fall asleep in a public place and have nothing bad happen to you. - Haha. I think I can say yes to this one. :) I wasn't feeling well and was on my way home from work. I closed my eyes on the bus and didn't realize when we pulled into the transit center (last stop - where I was to get off and transfer). A nice gentleman came and touched my shoulder letting me know it was time to get off. 

84. Become an Internet reverend. - Whatever. We did this in college. 

85. Take out-of-town relatives for an exciting "sway and dip" ride on the Aerial Tram. Realize there's nothing to do at OHSU unless you're sick. Ride back down. - Yea. You're not getting me on that Aerial Tram. Not going to happen. 

86. Get stuck on a bridge. - Hasn't happened. Yet.

87. Refuse to attend a party ~~ on the other side of the river - No. 

88. Show up an hour late to a show, and be angry it's already started - Is it just me or do Portlanders seem to be self-entitled whinny bitches?

89. See the Vaux's swifts fly into the Chapman Elementary School's chimney on a September evening. - I didn't even know about this but now I want to!

90. Own a Richmond Fontaine record - Nope. 

91. Talk about how much you enjoy Wordstock, even if you've never been - Is Portland also a town full of liars?

92. Take the farmers market for granted - Never. I'm so excited they're opening up again soon!

93. Follow a food cart on Twitter - I do have a Twitter account but I don't think I follow a food cart.

94. Combine your love of found art and recycling at Last Thursday - Never been. 

95. Crash a Wieden+Kennedy office party- Never been.

96. Have a long conversation about Noam Chomsky - Is it bad I don't know who this is?

97. Love Bud Clark - I'm just not allowed to be a Portlander because I have no idea who any of these people are!!

98. Refer to your spouse as your "partner" - There's nothing wrong with using all inclusive language....I don't do this but still....

99. Travel to Cannon Beach or Newport for Mo's clam chowder  - Now I went to Newport this past February for my birthday. And we ate at the ORIGINAL Mo's. My sister and her boyfriend both got the clam chowder (I tried some of theirs) and really it was nothing special. I won't be going out of my way again to eat there. 

100. Get caught in the rain at Cathedral Park; take shelter under the St. John's Bridge. (Bonus points: Fall in Love).  - Haven't been to Cathedral Park, taken shelter under the bridge but wouldn't be against getting a few bonus points (at this point I need all I can get).

*     *     *

So what do you think? Which numbers should I strive for to become more Portlander-like?

Danger: Expectations

So I thought I'd go a bit more light-hearted this time around.

A few months ago I was tagged in an online game of sorts where you read through these "25 ways to tell you've grown up", mark or count how many apply to you and then pass it along. Normally I just delete and never think of these modern chain-letters but once and a while I go ahead and play along. 

This was one. 

1. Your houseplants are alive (and you can't smoke any of them). True.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. Sex in a twin is never out of the question it's just the curling up side-by-side that doesn't work anymore.

3. You keep more food than beer in your fridge. True. And I'm not in the least sorry about it.

4. 6:00AM is when you get up, NOT go to bed. I can't remember the last time I went to bed at 6:00AM...heck I can't remember the last time I went to bed after midnight. 

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. I haven't had this happen yet. However, I have been experiencing friends' band being played everywhere from in a movie theater JC Penny commercial, Ross store and on the radio. Oh Hockey, I'm so happy for you guys!

6. You watch the weather channel. Um. NO. Aside from the fact I don't have cable and can't watch the weather channel anyway but even if I could I wouldn't.

7. Your friends marry and divorce not "hook up" and "break up" There's still the occasional "hook up" and "break up" but there's a large chunk that are getting married and (unfortunately) divorced

8. You go from 130 days of vacation to 14. Now I don't think this one is fair. Yes it's true I have gone from having summers off to counting and treasuring every single last vacation day I'm given...but what about teachers? They still get summers off - does that mean they aren't "grown up"...unfair point.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up" I'm torn on this one. Here in Portland jeans and a sweater are often times considered "dressed up" clothes but for me they're casual. It depends on the environment, situation and who you're with. But I guess over all I'd have to say this one is true.

10. You're the one calling the police because those #%!$ kids next door won't turn down the stereo. Not true. I'm more concerned about the little buggers stealing things off my back porch! hahaha

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. Regrettably true...but then my family has always been very open about sex and this has been true for a while now.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. One of my best friends pointed out that we NEVER knew what time Taco Bell closed so really this is moot.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. N/A - I use public transit.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. I never fed my animals people food. But yes, I do now feed them more expensive allergy friendly food.

15. Sleeping on the couch hurts your back. Yes. But I still do it.

16. You take naps. I'm totally not ashamed of this one! Heck yea I nap!

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date not just the start of it. Sometimes. But it doesn't have to be. Depends on what time the movie and dinner is at. A matinee showing - better just be the beginning of the date. A midnight showing - better believe you're taking me home afterwords....remember 6AM wake up.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3AM would severely upset, not settle, your stomach. Who eats a basket of chicken wings to settle their stomach? Oh my gosh my stomach is hurting just thinking about it.

19. You go to the drug store of ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. Okay while I haven't needed to buy condoms and/or pregnancy tests in a while doesn't mean that it won't or can't still happen. So I'm giving this a "not true"

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "good shit" Maybe I'm a snob but I've never thought of 2 buck chuck as 'good'. Yes we drank jugs of wine in college but that was because we were poor college students not because we thought of it as good. 

 

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. Not true - completely. Actually I tend to eat breakfast more at night for dinner than I do actually at breakfast time. But living in such a foodie town (and one that loves their breakfast/brunch restaurants) I've been eating breakfast at breakfast time more than normal. As I talk about in my other blog serving breakfast (eggs, toast, bacon) can make or break a place for me.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." True. But not regrettable. My poor body. When I think of the way it used to be abused. I'm surprised we're still on speaking terms.

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is used for REAL work. 90% seems high but definitely the majority of the time.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. Nope. But I do make sure to find super cheap happy hours! :)

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them not ask "What the hell happened?" Depends on the person.

So of the 25 "signs" I had 11 that I would say are "true"...7 I would say are "not true" and 6 that were somewhere in between. So I guess I'm not fully "grown up" just yet but am on my way...?

In today's world people are just so obsessed with life markers and goals one is to accomplish before a certain date, a certain time, a certain age. 

Why should I compare my life "successes" based off of other people's lives? Other people's goals and expectations. Maybe I want to finish a bucket of chicken wings with a bottle of $4 wine after I remember that Taco Bell is closed and then go to bed at 6AM on the couch....it's my choice and my life.

"Emerging Adulthood" (or a Reflection on a NYTimes Article)

According to some Sociologists (or at least the ones the NYTimes works with) there are fives stages or milestones that I have to tick off my to-do list before I can consider myself fully "adult". These are: 

1.) Completing School (no mention if this means HS, Undergraduate or Graduate school...I'll go ahead and count this one as completed.) CHECK!

2.) Leaving Home (now I've done this a few times, have come back and now am trying to leave again. Hm? Maybe I'll give myself this as 1/2 a mark.) half a CHECK!

3.) Becoming financially independent of parents (now this one I know I'm good one) CHECK!

4.) Getting married (nope.)

5.) Having children (do my cats count? Probably not.)

Well there you have it, with only 2 1/2 out of 5 milestones - I'm not an adult, can I go back to bed now?

*     *     *

No, in all fairness the article does go on to say, "Some never achieve all five milestones, including those who are single or childless by choice, or unable to marry even if they wanted to because they're gay.   Others reach milestones completely out of order, advancing professionally before committing to a monogamous relationship, having children young and marrying later, leaving school to go to work and returning to school long after becoming financially secure."

Reading the article did bring up some interesting internal questions and conundrums. 

Why are these the milestones I (and other 20-somethings) must check off our lists before being no longer a "young-adult" or having crossed the "Emerging Adulthood" line and into "Adulthood"?

Where are the milestones of being happy with who I am? About confident and comfortable in my own skin? Where's the checklist that includes surviving your parent's divorce and not letting it impact every adult romance you encounter? Why are archaic, and downright selfish, life goals still being used to determine where I am in life? 

I'm not saying that the mid-late 20s aren't an individual development stage.  I'm not arguing that scientists shouldn't be studying our brains and determining if physically and psychologically we are still in transition. But leave the Silent Generation social standards out of it!

"It's somewhat terrifying...to think about all the things I'm supposed to be doing in order to 'get somewhere' successful: 'Follow your passions, live your dreams, take risks, network with the right people, find mentors, be financially responsible, volunteer, work, think about or go to grad school, fall in love and maintain personal well-being, mental health and nutrition' When is there time to just be and enjoy?"  

...This is what a 25 y/o named Jennifer wrote in an anthology called "20something Manifesto" edited by an LA writer Christine Hassler (the NYTimes article doesn't mention how old Hassler is or why she created the manifesto)

See? This is what I mean. When did I miss the handout that said I had to do all these things in life? Did I miss that day in school somewhere? Was I too busy coloring outside the lines in Kindergarten (haha who are we kidding you know I stayed inside the lines)? 

So what if 20-somethings aren't getting married (or "settled down" monogamously) until later in life? Maybe we'll start a trend of not mimicking Hollywood and marrying every wo/man that comes into our bed and then...heaven forbid...decrease the divorce rate?

Who cares if we aren't ready for children until we've crossed that 30-something marker? Maybe that means when we finally do have children won't be raising them to xenophobic  and prejudice of the unknown because we'll have had time to travel the world and explore cultures outside of our own? 

And I'd much rather start six or seven careers in my lifetime looking for one that I'm passionate about then settling into one that "makes sense" and dying of a cardiac arrest in my 50s.

*     *     *

As you continue to read the article (a whopping 10-page online article - which is long even for the wordier NYTimes) it isn't until page 10 that we read these words: 

"The 20s are when most people accumulate...their formal education; when most people meet their future spouses and the friends they will keep; when most people start on the careers that they will stay with for many years. This is when adventures, experiments, travels, relationships are embarked on with abandon that probably will not happen again....There is time enough for adulthood and its attendant obligations; maybe if kids take longer to choose their mates and their careers they'll make fewer mistakes and live happier lives"

Hm? Didn't I just say that?

So here I am: approaching 28 years old, thinking against graduate school, looking to move away from home for the second time, in debt but paying my own bills, and being in love with a man 7,000 miles away with no foreseen cohabitation date in place. Being 20-something may not be easy but here's the thing...I don't remember anyone promising us it was going to be.