To an Amazing Woman

She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. 

She smiles when she feels like screaming, and she sings when she feels like crying. 

She cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. 

Her love is unconditional. 

 There's only one thing wrong with her...She forgets what she's worth! 

Today is 'love u day.' 

Pass this to every beautiful woman you know. 

Remind her that she's unique. 

I love you girl. 

Tell ten crazy girlfriends you love them, thinking of you! 

Love of My Life - Runner Up

I came across a blog the other day - thanks to one of my readers - and it's definitely lit something inside of me. 

The topic is having a "Backup-Husband"

Now let me clarify. This is not in the if my marriage fails I have someone to fall back on and jump right into another relationship. This is more in the sense that "I become an old spinster and to make sure I don't die alone" backup spouse.

Maybe because I'm 1 1/2 hears from being thirty and recently finding myself single (again). 

Maybe because more and more of my friends are getting married and having babies (in many cases baby #2 and #3). 

But the idea of never meeting "the one" (or worse having let "the one" get away) and needing/wanting a "back up" scares me.

Not so much I lose sleep at night. Or am going to be calling my ex-boyfriends and single guy friends asking them to be my backup husband. (Although, yes, I have thought about and know who I'd ask if I ever find myself in need of back up sperm...but that's a different blog).

Something about having a back up husband just makes me feel worse (about myself) than thinking I'll never meet "Mr Right". I want to spend my life with my best friend but I don't want that best friend to be coerced into being with me.

I don't think I would ever want to be someones back up any more than ask someone to be mine. I'd feel second hand. Like your permanent doormat. If we don't want to be together now why would we want to be together in ten or twenty years?

However, my best friend (of about 20 years) and I have had a plan for years that when we're old and tired of our husbands we'll "suddenly become widowed" (*wink wink*) and then move in together to raise pug dogs. 

Now that's my idea of a "backup spouse"!!

But I'd like to know what other people think of this idea. Am I alone in feeling that I'd be settling for 2nd best (or that I'd be someones 2nd best).

Expired Membership?

It feels like forever since I've been on the "dating scene" and I'm feeling a tad rusty.

It is certainly not like riding a bicycle!

...Although perhaps it is, I never could keep my balance and ride further than a few feet without either crashing into a fence or going head over heels into a bush.

But here I am back on the horse (how many analogies can I put into one blog?); having recently signed onto a dating site (more on that later)

The friends I have talked to about me rejoining the world of singles have all been supportive in their own ways. Some tell me not to rush things (Mr. Hong Kong and I have only been split up a month) while others are eager to play wing(wo)man and devil on my shoulder. The one thing they all have in common is wanting to make sure I do what I need to do for myself.

And I am.

Part of me is wanting to just connect with someone on some level.

Get a drink after work...

Cuddle while watching a movie...

Hold hands while walking down by the river...

I need to remind myself that Mr. Hong Kong wasn't/isn't my last chance for happiness.

...I know that sounds self-deprecating and awful but we all have those moments of doubt after a break up. When we worry that we just let "the one" slip through our fingers.

So here I am, a month later, trying to figure out how to be 'single'.

I don't mean the "be happy being alone" type of single. I mean the not in a long term, serious, monogamous relationship type single.

I'm just not sure I know how....?

You know what it feels like. It's like that scene in MIB2 where Tommy Lee Jones character goes to the video rental place to find out he never used his membership card, put a video on hold but never check it out....

 

Except I feel like my membership card has expired and I'm pretty sure I never put anything on hold.

Coming Out Fat.

A friend recently posted a link to this article called "Guys Who Like Fat Chicks" (from the Village Voice) on her facebook page. I was a little hesitant about reading it but I trust her judgement and most times agree or like the other articles she posts. 

Here's a link to the article.

Okay. So I'm not sure why articles always feel like they have to parallel their cause with coming out as gay....but this article doesn't linger on it for long. It is nice to see an article that addresses the "FA" and not just BBW's with pride. A little on the long side (and pretty heavy on a single interviewee) but a good read nonetheless. 

I'm always excited/interested to read articles addressing the topic of plus size (the term I prefer to identify with) people (not just women) having normal relationships. That we (and the people who find us attractive) are not freaks of nature, we're not abnormal or something to be hidden and only talked about behind closed doors.  

*     *      *

I come from a family of curvy women - not all of them are plus size, but there are few without hips, butts, breasts and other curves. 

I was destined to be a curvy lady. 

At my smallest (obviously post-puberty) I was a 14 and at my largest (a few years ago) was a size 28 (at around 280lbs). Today I'm around 260 and a size 26. 

I'm not ashamed. I'm not trying to hide my body behind muumuus and oversized sweats. 

It's true I say I "carry my weight well" because I think I do. I dress stylish and appropriate and have had people assume my weight/size was smaller than what it was in actuality. 

It's also true that I'm currently in the middle of a "28 Day Challenge" in which I'm trying to have more exercise in my daily life. I'm not doing that because I'm ashamed of how I look. I'm doing it so I can feel healthier, so I can battle the Seasonal Depression that knocks you over when living in such a grey part of the country.

*     *     *

I've had boyfriends, when I was, from one extreme of weight to another. None (that I know) of them came out as "Fat Admirers" but obviously they liked a little extra something since they were dating me. Most of them were "breast-men" and as you can see I've got them covered there. 

Even with a fair number of beaus growing up (five in the first year and a half of HS before dating my "high school sweetheart" the remaining two years) I did struggle with self esteem issues around my weight. After my HS sweetheart and I broke up I went through a depression that really took it (the wanting to date) out of me. I just didn't feel attractive or desirable. He didn't tell me I was fat, or give me an ultimatum to lose weight. We just broke up (like you do when you're in high school).

For the most part (after highschool) I just wasn't interested in dating. I did toy around with internet dating here and there. I remember one date I went on. He took me to see the (newer) Planet of the Apes. (Yippee?) I didn't even bother asking him up afterwards. I said "Thanks, have a good night" and closed the car door.

Then there was the guy in college. The rebel who drank vodka out of a 7-up bottle during our English Freshman seminar. The smooth talker who, when I was upset with him, would spout lines from cheesy romance movies (I'm talking "You complete me" level). The one who as soon as I slept with him wouldn't give me the time of day....yeah not a highlight in the Men-In-My-Life.

Then somewhere a few years ago things changed - I opened up to the idea of dating again and as a result met my sweetie. (See our love story here). 

*     *     *

I think it's wonderful that more and more people are "coming out" as appreciators and admirers of curvy/plump/heavy/plus-size women and men...let's not forget those of us who appreciate a stockier built man. 

I'm a plus size woman. I like men with meat on their bones. I like someone who enjoys going out and trying new food and doesn't expect me to eat a garden salad when there's pasta on the menu (I mean really now I'm 1/2 Italian!)

It bothers me sometimes when I see/hear friends express feelings about being unattractive. Everyone is desirable to someone. I truly believe that you just need to embrace yourself and see yourself as deserving and desirable before you can expect others too (or at least before you can expect to start noticing that others do already)

To close I just have this to say. 

If you don't understand how or why someone is attracted to me.... Just don't worry about it, no one's making you take me out in the first place.

28 Day Challenge - Day 10 Check In

Yesterday I had a successful day. I had a Net balance of 222 calories (meaning I ate 1091 but burned off 869). Rode the stationary bicycle at the gym for 20 minutes. Lifted weights for ten. Ate a salad for dinner. 

But mood-wise it was a bummer day. Everyone talks about how getting out and exercising will produce endorphins that help boost your mood. Well my endorphins must be busted because while exercising the only emotion I've felt to my core was anger...and afterwards was still being bummed out. 

Luckily I have amazing friends. I posted on facebook yesterday, "it's hard to build up motivation for the gym when you're in a bummer mood...meh. Alright. Where are my cheerleaders at?" I was overwhelmed by the response. People encouraging me. Reminding me how good I've done so far. Or just telling me to get off my behind and go do it. *lol*

Either way I went. Didn't feel much "happier" afterwards but I do feel like day 10 of 28 was a success.

Say What You Feel

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." (attributed to both Dr. Seuss and Bernard Baruch...but really who cares)

Our Love Story

A friend suggested I write a "How We Met" for a special Valentine's Day blog. However, two years ago we weren't together on Valentine's Day. In fact I didn't even know that my sweetie existed two years ago. For me our special day is the day we "met" online - February 23rd.

It had been a long time since I had opened my heart up to someone. I had been hurt one too many times and had started to think that love just wasn't in the cards for me this lifetime. But with some time, healing and a wonderful best friend to keep pushing and pushing me to try online dating I finally gave in.

At first I tried eHarmony (the website where my bff had found her husband). The yahoos I found there just made me laugh. Men who were more interested in growing their own "herbs" than they were growing a friendship. Men who were living in their mother's basements and only interested in "hooking up" if I could host. Really folks? Aren't they paying money for this site? Remind me again what the hoop-la with this site is?

So I gave up on them and thought I'd see if I could find something better.

I did a websearch for a Plus-Size friendly dating site and pleasantly surprised with the one I found. BBWFriendlyDating (or something like that) dot com. I browsed through profiles (men and women's) before signing up for an account myself. I wanted a place that was friendly not fetish driven. I was looking for someone to go to dinner with not use dinner as foreplay. The people I found were various sizes and shapes but one thing was in common - accepting of their size and preferred a more curvaceous build of others.

So I signed up.

For a few weeks I talked with various men. Some who were looking for nothing more than someone to fulfill their Fat-Woman-Fantasy...one guy who emailed me wanted to know if I'd send him pictures of me in stockings and heels. Lol. Not everyone I emailed with were on the looser side of the scale. Some I just didn't have chemistry with or connected more with someone else.

Then the morning of February 23rd (coincidentally enough the bday of my "pushy" bff) I was browsing profiles when I came across one I had went back to a few times. There wasn't too much written. Just a few likes and hobbies. His pictures didn't match his self-description in the profile. There wasn't too much to it. Normally I'd just pass it over. No information. No chance.

But something stopped me.

I went back to it.

There was something in his eyes that made me melt.

Something in my gut said "Make the connection"

So I sent a "wink" his way.

Later that evening I got a "wink" back.

I sent an email.

I got an email back.

From there we started emailing and instant messaging all day everyday. Childhood best friends, favorite colors, politics, religion, travel, food....we talked about it all.

A week later I went back to his profile (for something...I really don't remember what) only to find it gone.

I IMed him later asking where it had gone? Why had he taken it down?

His response I'll never forget "Because I met this amazing girl named Morgan and I didn't need it anymore"

I melted and the rest is, as they say, history. We've been together two years this Wednesday.

And though there have been some rocky times and the physical distance between us just seems to increase it doesn't matter.

Because I found the love of my life (online).

Recluse vs Reserved

Tomorrow night is the company holiday party at a local ballroom. 

I've been part of the planning since the beginning: location, food, theme, how the proceeds of the auction will be spent, etc. I've helped with it all and yet, I'm dreading the event. 

Crowds of up near 90 people swigging down cheep keg beer and $6 bottles of wine. Standing around shumoosing with people I'm sure only 1/2 the time remember my name or that I'm a staff member (and not a student). Forcing myself to choke down under-salted hor d'oeuvres and dry entries. Watching the clock tick tick tick and wondering how early is too early to slip out the door and call a cab home. I dread large social interactions. 

I wouldn't call myself a wall flower. I don't find a dark corner and try to blend in with the surrounding decorations. I plaster a smile on my face and try to chit-chat. 

But the results are always the same. 

Me standing a half-step back from a circle of people who have known one another for years and who go out together for happy hour every Friday night. They're standing around talking about people or things upon which I have no interest or knowledge. Something might be said in my direction and I'll respond with something (I think) is witty only to be face to face with blank and confused stares. I'll awkwardly smile and sip my drink as they turn back to one another and that will be my cue to slip away and return to an empty table where I'll pretend to be in the middle of an intense and involved texting conversation. 

It's not that I don't like people. 

It's not that I don't enjoy going out for drinks and dancing. 

There's just something about a large (forced) social situation where I'm expected to put myself out there - expose myself as it were - to strangers and enjoy myself. 

I like my coworkers (we're planning on a small holiday lunch/dinner just the five of us), they're funny and inviting but I also know that I can't expect to attach myself to them like some Holiday Barnacle. 

My mother is worried that my current living situation (in a house with her and my younger sister) isn't good for me....that it's turning me into a hermit. 

GREAT! Somehow moving to Portland has turned me into a socially awkward recluse that lives at home with Momma. How the hell did my life get so bad that my mother now pities me?

I don't think I'm a hermit. I don't avoid any contact with the outside world. If I did I'd work from home, have groceries delivered, shop only via ebay or infomercials and not have any friends.

No, I'm not a hermit. I'm just shy. I've spent so many years building protective walls around me, trying not to get hurt, that now I can't escape them. I'm a Rapunzel who cut her hair before Prince Charming could even find her. (And no, I'm not saying I'm expecting a man to "fix" it all. Here Prince=Social Life)

The real "funny" thing is I'm sure some friend will read this and be surprised. Around people I know and trust enough to let in I'm anything but shy. I'm loud, bubbly, always full of smiles and not afraid to speak my mind. 

I don't know how these two parts of me manage to coexist inside me? 

There are days when it's more of a battle or war zone inside than a duality of peaceful coexistence. The struggle of wanting to go out into the world and the need to curl up in my bed with a security blanket and hide. 

It's a struggle I fight every weekend and am sure will continue for many years. So please if you invite me out on a Friday night and I cancel on you. Please don't take it personal. It might just be that the war is raging inside.

PostSecret Therapy.

If you don't know about PostSecret you need to learn. 

Some are funny. 

Some are sad. 

Some are just f**ked up. 

Some just leave you speechless. 

And then there are the few you either connect with - or once did in a "past' life.....

30 Days of Thankfulness

"Thanksgiving" is a twisted and misrepresented holiday but the intentions are good.

If we ignore the exploitation and disruption the Pilgrims and other European settlers caused to this country and its native people....if we look past the habits of Americans to use this one day as an excuse to gorge and over-indulge in food for the next five weeks...if we pretend that Thanksgiving isn't equivalent to waking up early the next day just to stand in line for a $3 television or kitchen knife set for a quarter....

If we just look at the heart and soul behind the holiday it really isn't so bad.

Being with friends and family.

Celebrating the things in life we've been blessed with.

These things shouldn't happen one day a year.

*     *     *

I'm not sure if this is a new phenomenon that is happening this year or if this is just the first year it's been in my direct line of sight. But on November 1st a FB friend of mine started posting her 30 Days of Thankfulness and I loved the idea so I'd been updating my FB account with my 30 Days of Thankfulness. Then today another friend mentioned how much she loved the idea too and asked if I was going to put them on my blog...why hadn't I thought of that?!

So for the month of November I'm participating in 30 Days of Thankfulness (and will update this blog regularly)

Day 1: Thankful that I have a large wonderful family that even when life gets rough, emotions get high or feelings get hurt - is always there for one another.  

Day 2: I'm thankful for having such amazing friends. Friends that are often times more like family. It doesn't matter how far apart we are or how long it's been since we've talked. They're always there for me when I need them.  

Day 3: I'm thankful to have a good job. One that allows me to have a roof over my head, food in my stomach and the security to take a mental health day when needed. 

Day 4: I'm thankful for a job that let's me geek out on Google Docs, Survey Monkey and facebook.

Day 5: Thankful I work around a bunch of Doctors so when a student cuts off part of her pinky we have folks who'll sew her right up!

Day 6: I am thankful that Mom pays attention to details so she noticed that Walmart put her tires on wrong and we were able to have it fixed before we left.

Day 7: I am thankful for that extra hour of sleep that came with the end of Daylight Savings - even if my cats don't understand the time change and still woke me up at 6:30AM to feed them.

Day 8: Again thankful for the end of Daylight Savings - if only for the reason that now I don't stand in a pawnshop parking lot in the DARK waiting for the bus.

Day 9: Today I'm thankful for modern medicine and technology to be there for friends/family/loved ones.

Day 10: Today I'm thankful for the Marine Corps. Happy 235th Birthday!!

Day 11: Today I extend my thanks to the men and women (past, present and future) who serve in our Military. I am proud to have had so many of you in my family - Jeff, David, Jack, Brian, Joe, Tim, Ron.  

Day 12: I'm thankful for a supportive staff and supervisor. Work has it's ups and downs but in the end having support makes it less bumpy.  

Day 13: I'm thankful for the chance to go have a girls day with my mom and sister today. Breakfast and Holiday shopping here we come! :)  

Day 14: Today I'm thankful for graham crackers, butter, milk, cinnamon, sugar and sweet potatoes...all of which I am going to buy today for my Southern Sweet Potato Pie.  

Day 15: Today I am UNBELIEVABLY thankful that my uber-stressful meeting that I thought was this morning isn't until Friday! Hot Damn!  

Day 16: Today I give thanks for having a supportive and positive relationship with my mother. I know I am very lucky. Love you Mom!

Day 17: I'm thankful for this NY Times slide-show. Talk about some yummy pies. I have a few ideas for new Thanksgiving pies.


Day 18: Today I'm thankful for a family that indulges me and will go see Harry Potter with me. :) 


Day 19: With a major meeting happening in 17 minutes it was a nice little mood-booster to be told I looked "just adorable" today. :)  


Day 20: Thankful for my down blanket that kept me in bed until 10am. 


Day 21: Thankful that Multnomah County Library hosted Tears of Joy Theatre today at the Holgate branch. Cute puppet rendition of "Raven Steals the Sun" 


Day 22: Today I give thanks for the warm roof over my head and warm clothes on my back. Remember as we complain about the cold/rain/snow that there are people in our very towns who don't have the luxuries we do to come in out of that cold. 


Day 23: I wish I could say I was thankful for my "No-Slip" pads on the bottom of my boots, but since they failed me and I fell anyway I'll give thanks for my striped black & white Jack Skellington socks which are keeping my toes warm.


Day 24: Today I'm thankful for my staff. Different personalities, different walks of life, and yet we spend our mornings together, drinking hot chocolate, complaining about our children/partners and are able to do it jokingly and not make anyone uncomfortable.

Day 25: Today I'm thankful for my cousin Katrynna being such an amazing person and being in our lives. Happy Birthday sweetheart!

Day 26: Today I'm thankful I'm not going out to any Black Friday sales but am going to get to see Chelsea and Scott this afternoon.

 

Day 27: I'm thankful for FINALLY getting to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows this morning!!! 

Day 28: Thankful for the real-live winter gauge-o-meter squirrels. Their fatness must be a sign of a cold harsh winter. Thanks for the heads up guys!

Day 29: I'm thankful to have had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend with my family.

Day 30 of 30 Days of Thankfulness. So much pressure. What to end this on? I want to make it good, and not corny like "I'm thankful I don't have to think of what I'm thankful anymore"....okay. Let me think about this.......................................

Day 30: Today I give thanks for all of you - family and friends (new and old). You are there to support me in life's ups and downs. Please know I draw strength from your love.

 

 

Danger: Expectations

So I thought I'd go a bit more light-hearted this time around.

A few months ago I was tagged in an online game of sorts where you read through these "25 ways to tell you've grown up", mark or count how many apply to you and then pass it along. Normally I just delete and never think of these modern chain-letters but once and a while I go ahead and play along. 

This was one. 

1. Your houseplants are alive (and you can't smoke any of them). True.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. Sex in a twin is never out of the question it's just the curling up side-by-side that doesn't work anymore.

3. You keep more food than beer in your fridge. True. And I'm not in the least sorry about it.

4. 6:00AM is when you get up, NOT go to bed. I can't remember the last time I went to bed at 6:00AM...heck I can't remember the last time I went to bed after midnight. 

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. I haven't had this happen yet. However, I have been experiencing friends' band being played everywhere from in a movie theater JC Penny commercial, Ross store and on the radio. Oh Hockey, I'm so happy for you guys!

6. You watch the weather channel. Um. NO. Aside from the fact I don't have cable and can't watch the weather channel anyway but even if I could I wouldn't.

7. Your friends marry and divorce not "hook up" and "break up" There's still the occasional "hook up" and "break up" but there's a large chunk that are getting married and (unfortunately) divorced

8. You go from 130 days of vacation to 14. Now I don't think this one is fair. Yes it's true I have gone from having summers off to counting and treasuring every single last vacation day I'm given...but what about teachers? They still get summers off - does that mean they aren't "grown up"...unfair point.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up" I'm torn on this one. Here in Portland jeans and a sweater are often times considered "dressed up" clothes but for me they're casual. It depends on the environment, situation and who you're with. But I guess over all I'd have to say this one is true.

10. You're the one calling the police because those #%!$ kids next door won't turn down the stereo. Not true. I'm more concerned about the little buggers stealing things off my back porch! hahaha

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. Regrettably true...but then my family has always been very open about sex and this has been true for a while now.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. One of my best friends pointed out that we NEVER knew what time Taco Bell closed so really this is moot.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. N/A - I use public transit.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers. I never fed my animals people food. But yes, I do now feed them more expensive allergy friendly food.

15. Sleeping on the couch hurts your back. Yes. But I still do it.

16. You take naps. I'm totally not ashamed of this one! Heck yea I nap!

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date not just the start of it. Sometimes. But it doesn't have to be. Depends on what time the movie and dinner is at. A matinee showing - better just be the beginning of the date. A midnight showing - better believe you're taking me home afterwords....remember 6AM wake up.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3AM would severely upset, not settle, your stomach. Who eats a basket of chicken wings to settle their stomach? Oh my gosh my stomach is hurting just thinking about it.

19. You go to the drug store of ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. Okay while I haven't needed to buy condoms and/or pregnancy tests in a while doesn't mean that it won't or can't still happen. So I'm giving this a "not true"

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "good shit" Maybe I'm a snob but I've never thought of 2 buck chuck as 'good'. Yes we drank jugs of wine in college but that was because we were poor college students not because we thought of it as good. 

 

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. Not true - completely. Actually I tend to eat breakfast more at night for dinner than I do actually at breakfast time. But living in such a foodie town (and one that loves their breakfast/brunch restaurants) I've been eating breakfast at breakfast time more than normal. As I talk about in my other blog serving breakfast (eggs, toast, bacon) can make or break a place for me.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." True. But not regrettable. My poor body. When I think of the way it used to be abused. I'm surprised we're still on speaking terms.

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is used for REAL work. 90% seems high but definitely the majority of the time.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. Nope. But I do make sure to find super cheap happy hours! :)

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them not ask "What the hell happened?" Depends on the person.

So of the 25 "signs" I had 11 that I would say are "true"...7 I would say are "not true" and 6 that were somewhere in between. So I guess I'm not fully "grown up" just yet but am on my way...?

In today's world people are just so obsessed with life markers and goals one is to accomplish before a certain date, a certain time, a certain age. 

Why should I compare my life "successes" based off of other people's lives? Other people's goals and expectations. Maybe I want to finish a bucket of chicken wings with a bottle of $4 wine after I remember that Taco Bell is closed and then go to bed at 6AM on the couch....it's my choice and my life.

Making the Most of Where I Live

Whenever I go on vacation, or travel to visit friends, I always plan ahead. I think of places I want to visit while I'm there - sometimes the activities are super touristy and sometimes they aren't...even if it's a town I've been to before I always have a list of things I want to do (call me OCD if you want but I'm a born planner)! When I visited friends in Seattle this past 4th of July, eating at Sky City (the Space Needle restaurant) and visiting Pike Place MarketSan Diego Zoo and my favorite restaurant Spread are always on my to-do. were both a must. When I travel to San Diego to see friends and family the

Back in 2007 two of my favorite actors (Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman) teamed up for a movie called "The Bucket List". While I enjoyed the movie (and this isn't a movie review folks) it approached the idea of a "Life To-Do" list a bit more...somber if you will. I mean I get it..."Bucket List"...before you "Kick the Bucket"...but I don't want to be running around my few last months of life trying to accomplish things. I want to come to the end of my life having confidence that I did the things and went to the places I wanted to.

After the movie it was almost an epidemic of websites and books giving tips and pointers to people looking to make their own Bucket List. Ideas ranging from 101 Things To Do Before You Die to websites encouraging people to have Bucket List items like "Be Financially Stable" and "Find and Marry the Love of Your Life". 

However, it wasn't any of these websites that inspired me to create my own "Bucket List"...it was a friend and co-worker. A few months ago she decided to create a Bucket List for the city she was living and attending school in. She decided to explore and do/see as much as she could before graduating school (and thus possibly moving away).

I moved to Portland, Oregon in October 2009 and have done fairly well at exploring my new home. I bought the Secret Portland book (as well as a number of other Portland Tourist books) and have been inspired by a number of the entries. Now I want to go a step further. I've decided I want to take as much advantage of Portland as I can (since I do not know how long I will be a Portland resident). 

I've consulted with friends and family, as well as just my knowledge of Portland have come up with the following:

Places/Things I want to do:

-OMSI

-Portland Art Museum

-Oregon State Fair

-Japaense Garden

-International Rose Test Garden

-World Forestry Center (going on Sept. 7th)

-Portland Walking Tours (underground tunnels!!)

-PSU Farmer's Market

-First Thursday

-Last Thursday

-Hoyt Arboretum

-Pittock Mansion

-Ashland Shakespearian Festival

-Mt Hood

-Mt St. Helens (okay I know it's in WA but its close)

-Oregon Coast Aquarium

-Wine tasting tour

-McMenamins

Places/Things Accomplished:

-Powell's Bookstore (done a few times over)

-Multnomah Falls

-Portland Spirit Cruise along the Columbia River

-Pioneer Cemeteries (work in progress)

-Portland Zoo

-Summer Concert at the Zoo

-Train from Seattle to Portland

-Hawthorne Blvd

-Portland Rose Festival (heck I worked for them!) <3

-Chinese Garden

-The Grotto

-Peacock Ave at Christmas

-NW23rd Neighborhood

-McMenamin's Tots @ McMenamin's Edgefield (8/21)

-Gresham Farmer's Market

-Saturday Market

-Seaside (In November so it was super cold. Would like to do again when warmer)

-Tillamook Creamery (2x)

-Oregon Coast & Coast Highway (2x)

-Voodoo Doughnuts (duh!)

-Stepping Stone Cafe (recommendation from my BF after watching the Travel Channel)

-Portland Epicurian Walking Tour (8/24)

-Por Que No

-The Space Room

If you live (or have lived) in the Portland area and have ideas, suggestions, or recommendations - please feel free to pass them along. 

Heck, if you've never been to Portland but have seen somewhere on the Travel Channel or Food Network - pass that along too!!

Joining the Circus

I really am in awe of my friends...

They are the people working behind the scenes to help make the world a better place one day at a time. Whether working locally by fostering "troubled" teen boys or working with young homeless youth. Then there are those working internationally - traveling to developing countries to help set up programs for hospitals and blood banks or tracking and recording the breeding patterns of endangered species.  These people, my friends, are amazing and life changing.

So is it any surprise that I look upon them and find myself unfulfilled in my jobs: Dorm Mom, Envelope Stuffer, Phone Answerer.

My background certainly can't be considered having had a career. the closest I came to a "career" was stumbling into the Residential Life and Housing departments at colleges and universities (i.e. "Dorm Mom"). Being called at 3AM to bust students for smoking pot and drinking or, worse, because a toilet is overflowing into the downstairs neighbors' apartment.

At 27 I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've toyed with a few ideas. Thought about what I might want to do for the rest of my life: psychology and counseling, art therapy, museum administration, artist, multicultural center director....hell I'm sure once or twice I've thought about running away and joining the circus (circus - theatre - same thing...right?).

I start looking into the jobs, seeing the requirements, researching what types of degree I would need (because as I'm sure we'll discuss in a further blog - my bachelor's degree is silly and useless). In the end the moment of passion fades and I'm back to wonder:

By 27 shouldn't I have a career?

Shouldn't I, at least, know what I want to be when I grow up?

Strippers and Space Punch

I can tell you one thing the writers of Friends got right in regards to my 20-something life -- you never see the cast of characters going out and getting hammered on the weekends. Sure there was the episode where Ross and Rachel get drunk and married in Vegas and the "turning 30" episode that shows an intoxicated Monica at her surprise black-tie birthday party. But that was about it. 

Central Perk was a supplier of Mochas not Mojitos.

I should have taken my cue from our Friends and ordered a second espresso instead of the "Space Punch" from the Spaceroom last night...I learned something about this 20-something body of mine:

This ol' girl can't drink like she used to!

I wasn't a high school partier (my life was no Gossip Girl) - I was too busy dressing people in mythical creature costumes and turning a high school senior into the King of Siam. Admittedly once I got to college my alcohol consumption then increased (my college resembled the movie PCU...). Long weekends of Pabst Blue Ribbon and gallons of Carlo Rossi (hey don't judge, we were poor college students remember?) As the years went I lost my rank in the heavy weight division and eventually became the lightweight I am today.

A glass of Shiraz with my Pasta Puttanesca or even a good bottle of Mexican beer to accompany my tapas and I'm good for the night...I'm a cheap date and don't mind at all. That's where it started last night - a beer and order of Pollo Verde tacos from ¿Por Qué No? - but by the end of the night my beer multiplied itself, add a pomegranate margarita and then relocated me to the Spaceroom where I was forced to pick between "Space Punch" and "Fresh Underwear" (and yes, this is a drink). 

Space Punch (L) Fresh Underwear (R)

The evening was wonderful: reuniting with old friends, making new friends, good drinks and greasy bar food -- not to mention a waitress with a Masters Degree in Strippers (really she did her master's dissertation on the sex and porn industry in Portland Oregon - but a MA in Strippers just sounds way cooler). In the end, however, I was the designated "Party-Pooper". Closing up shop to head home and get ready for the impending Monday-morning work shift. Amidst the "boo"s and heckles of my new (and old) drinking buddies I wondered:

How were they ready for more and why couldn't I keep up?

Most had work the next morning, two of them planning a three-hour drive they were planning for 5AM to get to work on time, and all of them older than me.

So what was their trick?

How were they ready to move onto the next venue?

So here I am coffee in hand, tired but thankfully no visible hangover, rain pouring outside making me want to curl back into bed and no idea how I got this way.

Where is the indispensable 20-something liver and tolerance I once had?