Monday, July 18, 2011

Love of My Life - Runner Up

I came across a blog the other day - thanks to one of my readers - and it's definitely lit something inside of me. 

The topic is having a "Backup-Husband"

Now let me clarify. This is not in the if my marriage fails I have someone to fall back on and jump right into another relationship. This is more in the sense that "I become an old spinster and to make sure I don't die alone" backup spouse.

Maybe because I'm 1 1/2 hears from being thirty and recently finding myself single (again). 

Maybe because more and more of my friends are getting married and having babies (in many cases baby #2 and #3). 

But the idea of never meeting "the one" (or worse having let "the one" get away) and needing/wanting a "back up" scares me.

Not so much I lose sleep at night. Or am going to be calling my ex-boyfriends and single guy friends asking them to be my backup husband. (Although, yes, I have thought about and know who I'd ask if I ever find myself in need of back up sperm...but that's a different blog).

Something about having a back up husband just makes me feel worse (about myself) than thinking I'll never meet "Mr Right". I want to spend my life with my best friend but I don't want that best friend to be coerced into being with me.

I don't think I would ever want to be someones back up any more than ask someone to be mine. I'd feel second hand. Like your permanent doormat. If we don't want to be together now why would we want to be together in ten or twenty years?

However, my best friend (of about 20 years) and I have had a plan for years that when we're old and tired of our husbands we'll "suddenly become widowed" (*wink wink*) and then move in together to raise pug dogs. 

Now that's my idea of a "backup spouse"!!

But I'd like to know what other people think of this idea. Am I alone in feeling that I'd be settling for 2nd best (or that I'd be someones 2nd best).


  1. I feel like a back up spouse is just something you talk about. I can not imagine following through. I mean, I hear marriage is hard enough as it is, so I can't imagine doing it with someone you are not in love with and possibly even fully invested in. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

  2. It limits you to finding something later on. Do you want to settle on having just someone to share you life that way, and possibly have to miss out on the real deal? I'm just not sure that's worth it. I like your idea much better!! I'll put in an order for a pug now please!

  3. Yeah, I would not dwell on creating a backup. It gets lonely being by yourself sometimes, but that's what family and friends are for. When I had my recent breakup with a guy I dates for 3 years, I threw myself into being with family more, and with friends more. Now I'm okay being alone again, despite the occasional loneliness. All I know, is that I'd rather be single than live with someone I really don't love. Good luck!

  4. In the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw and being super cheesy here, I'd like my "backup husband" to be a combination of my friends and my self. I hope that the boyfriend and I are always together, but I need to know I'm happy myself too!
    Happy to find your blog- I'm a surviving 20 something myself.

  5. Love this post! Reminds me of that episode of Friends where Rachel and Phoebe are fighting over Joey as their "backup":) i like your idea with the girlfriend and pugs tho haha

  6. I have a backup. And I could be perfectly content being his wife, but I think for the two of us it's more a matter of "My biological clock is ticking and I'm ready to start a family would you like to be the other half of my parenting team" kinda deal. Not to say that I'm not happy as a clam with my boyfriend. It's just nice to know that end of the day someone still loves me enough to be tied to me forever (even if it's just as friends).