Surviving Plus Size Shops

I started my new job this week and the dress code is “Business Casual”. Nothing new though, most of my closet has “Business Casual” clothes – slacks, blouses, a blazer – but with a new job I thought I’d go shopping for a few new pieces this morning. 

However, the shopping trip just reminded me that even clothing stores dedicated to dressing the Plus Sized Woman don’t have any clue on how to dress their customers.

Floor length dresses and skirts don’t make me look taller.

Large geometric shapes don’t make me look thinner. 

And fish prints on pants just don't really do much for anyone!

I just want to know who in their right mind thought that turquoise and blue fish print capris would look good on any woman let alone a curvaceous one?

Luckily more and more designers today are realizing that plus size women don't want to wear our grandmother's muumuus and have the finances to fill our closets with style. 

The next task is to undo the brainwash fashion tips that have been drilled into our brains....black is slimming, vertical stripes are a good thing, don't wear prints, that larger woman should hide behind their hair and clothes, etc. In the online article "How to Dress Fabulously for Plus Sized Women" by Kiki LaMer some of these myths/misconceptions are addressed and suggestions are made:

However, despite the signs that progress is being made there are still clothing lines trying to sell me items such as:

 

 

What are they thinking?

*sigh*

Surviving Self-consciousness

Today's entry isn't 20-something specific...it isn't even woman specific...but it is something I feel strong about. For my whole life I've struggled with body image - although who hasn't on some level?  Hair too curly, over bite, large nose, freckles, taller than everyone else or in my case over weight. 

I didn't have some kid in elementary school call me names or parents who put me on diets in junior high. I had my share of high school romances and had a large social network of friends through college. 

What I did have was a society unappreciative of diversity. I grew up with no one telling me I should be proud of and embrace my curves, clothing stores who gave me the only option to look like a granny in paisley muumuus, hearing how beautiful my sister is and how smart I am (and the good old "great personality" comment), a best friend who had more boyfriends than she could count while I was always "like a sister" to the boys I crushed on.

Somehow despite all of this...or perhaps because of it...I have found myself a fairly confident adult, Someone who friends ask for fashion advice, who has found a special someone who thinks my curves are sexy and even receives compliments from her "prettier" sister about how nice I look before going out for the evening.

Yet, there is still a small self-aware fat kid inside of me. She came out and cried this morning when a complete stranger shouted out their car window "fat cow!"

Why the Hell should I care what they think?

I've always believed "bullies" were such because of there own insecurities. and need to feel "superior". However, I never thought at 27 years old I'd still come across a "school-yard" bully...let alone be upset by one!

But there I stood on the side of the road waiting for my morning bus not only shocked but hurt by what I heard. I touched my hips and measured how wide they are, put my hands on my stomach and wondered if I could find myself a work out partner who could help motivate me to get rid of this belly fat....

I was letting that jerk get to me!

How dare he ruin my day before it even started!?

How dare I let him ruin the confidence I worked so hard to get!?

So instead of reverting back and hiding in my shell I decided to write this blog entry! 

I decided I was going to show the world you can be plus-sized and rock it! To follow in step with Queen Latifah, Mia Tyler and Nikki Blonsky and flaunt my curves. Support the businesses who are getting with the times and producing more hip (yes pun intended) and stylish clothing for the plus-sized markets. 

We're all unique and whatever area or body part isn't our favorite I think we need to learn to embrace. Learn that it's these small "imperfections" that make us wonderful. So here is the beginning of my embracing me - hips, breasts, stomach and super white legs! :)

My Big Fat German/English/Italian Family

I realized today that it has been a month since my last posting, and let me tell you it's been a month of survival overload. In the past month I've been surviving a nasty chest cold (a plague a cursed upon the entire office), surviving the trauma and chaos that is being 27 and living at home with your mother/sister, surviving the wrap up and conclusion of one job while searching and being hired for another (which goes along with my heart palpitations of facing unemployment in today's economy - AGAIN), and finally trying to survive a 7000 mile long distance relationship.

Boo-hoo. Right?

I'm not looking for sympathy just more of clarification and window into where my head has been these past few weeks.

So the reason I discovered this gap in blog entries is because I finally have found the time (thanks to the cold that still lingers) to have a new topic come up over and over again in.  

The topic for today class is DATING.

A quick Google search for "Dating" gave me 245,000,000 results in 26 seconds. After all the simple term "dating" encompass a lot of information.

There's being single and enjoying the single life...being single but wanting to meet new and different people with no serious strings and there's being single but interested in finding that special someone.

And if you're interested in meeting someone(s) you have a laundry list to choose where to find him/her: bars/clubs, "Ladies Night", online dating websites, bumping carts at the grocery store (sorry that sounded dirtier than it was intended), church, starting a conversation over the newly release best seller, your Aunt Gertrude's neighbor's nephew...the list just goes on and on.

So let's say you have finally found that person (or persons...no discrimination here against polyamory) - you still have a number of hurdles to jump and deal with from within the relationship and outside pressures (and sometimes I think the "outside" hurdles and pressures are more strenuous and frustrating that the actual relationship).

Since this is by far a simple topic, and entire libraries worth of self help books have been written about this small six-letter word, I'm going to stick with my own current dating obstacles (and I'm sure this will just be one of many entries dedicated to dating).

My bf and I have been together sixteen months and have had far from a typical relationship. We met online through a non-traditional avenue (i.e. NOT eHarmony or Match.com) and have spent the majority of our relationship in "long distance" mode (other cities, other states and currently he's in another country). 

We do our best to stay connected and grow as a couple - phone calls (although being 7000 miles away does put a damper on that phone bill) and text messages, emails, instant messaging...the usual mediums. We both believe that each relationship is a unique entity and shouldn't allow others to influence or determine the path of our relationship.

However, sometimes this is easier said than done when you have a family/friends that resembles the Portocalis family from My Big Fat Greek Wedding - loud, invasive but full of love (and I am referring to the German/English side just as much as the Italian). Everyone has an opinion and everyone feels like it is their god-given-right to express that in volumes. 

Sometimes though, you don't want to know what they think...you aren't looking for their  (often jaded) experiences and thoughts behind why something is the way it is...sometimes you're just looking for someone to listen, to be there and be supportive of your choices...to be happy because you are happy.

Is that really too much to ask?

I really don't need pursed lips and rolling eyes when I say we want to live together. I'm sure those shaking heads would explode if I said we wanted to get married.

Being 20-something and dating is hard enough.

Being in love with someone 7000 miles away is more than hard enough.

But feeling like you can't share (let alone talk about) your relationship is unbearable.

tick...tick...tick...tick...BOOM!

So I'm not sure how the conversation happened...

Really it wasn't so much a "conversation" has a comment that seems to be repeated occasionally...

We were sitting in the living room, the family talking about our days at work, my sister tormenting and chasing the cats - when out of her mouth:

"I want a real little niece or nephew. One of flesh and blood."

...She then went back to playing with the cats...

What do you say to that?

"Yes honey. I am planning on having kids but in a few years. Once I'm no longer living with you and Mom, my boyfriend and I are no longer doing a 7000 mile long distance relationship and we've been married a few years"

I somehow feel that isn't the answer she would be looking for.

I am looking forward to kids someday. I love kids. I'm just not ready to have them now.

I am thoroughly amazed at how many people I know that have babies. People my age who not only have a baby but have MULTIPLE children. Those who I have met I adore. Sweet little faces eager to climb and explore.

But I'm only 27.

This isn't 14th century England when I would have to be worrying about producing heirs, passing along my lineage and having children before the Great Famine killed me off. I still have plenty of "child-bearing" years left. 

So what's the hurray?

My mother was 29 when she had me and 37 when she had my sister. Sure there are days when she feels "too old" to have a young, spry and handful of a 19 year old. In a way though, I think that's what has helped keep my mom young. You can't be a tired-run-down middle aged person when you're running after your five year old!

I once discussed this breeding-like-bunnies phenomenon to my mother. Her logic was how this often happens to people from small rural towns. True there isn't much going on in our Podunk town but LORD ALMIGHTY there is something called BIRTH CONTROL!!!

*     *     *

Sorry. Momentary political/social stand moment there... {{climbs off soap box}}

*     *    *

When she said this I mentioned how while this was true for some it wasn't the majority...that most had gotten out of town and graduated from college. 

Now that I write that I wonder.....

Okay. Numbers time.

Number of social network friends: 257

Number with only one child (and my age group): 12

Number with two or more children: 23

Number of these who had their children after getting a college education: 7

Okay. 

So maybe I was wrong....but why all these babies?

Tick...tick...tick...

I will admit there have been times when the "biological clock" has ticked away so loud I thought I'd go deaf. tick...tick...tick... Once or twice I'd catch myself looking at a baby in a stroller and think "I want one" but then I'd catch myself and smack myself back into reality. tick...tick...tick... There is so much I want to do before I have kids. Places I want to travel and explore with my sweetie before our money is being saved for little league uniforms and college tuition. tick...tick...tick... Not to mention being financially secure and stable enough to bring another life into this world. 

I'm not talking about waiting until I'm 50 or breaking some world record. I'm just talking a few years.

I admire those who have made it work. I see the hard work and dedication they put towards their families but I also see dreams and ambitions slipping away. 

I'm not ready for that. 

Be patient with me. Give me some time to explore and I promise there will be the pitter-patter of feet someday. 

For now...someone hit the snooze button on that DAMN clock!!

Brainstorming Identity

This topic is something that has been bouncing around in my mind for some time now. And I'm not really sure how to put my thoughts to paper - so I apologize if this blog entry seems scattered, disconnected or down right random.

I have been trying to do some research into being a 20-something and embracing your identity...finding yourself culturally. After all there is a difference between "country-you-live-in" identity and "country-of-ancestry" identity.

*     *     *

"Identity is what distinguishes heritage from history...we cannot avoid our heritage. It is, after all, what makes us what we are."  - Embracing Identity: Dawn Editorial

*     *     *

"What are you?" has never really been a question I was asked. I have "white" (rosy-olive toned) skin, light brown eyes and...well I've been coloring my hair for so long I don't know what color it is anymore.

Words/phrases like "dawg" and "my homie" just sound foreign and silly coming out of my mouth. In college I had friends who would think of slang-words for me to say just to get a laugh -- I'd indulge them occasionally.

Recently though I have had an influx of questions and assumptions about my "identity".

*     *     *

"...in the United States, people just weren't satisfied until
they'd put their mental stamp on you." - Emma Flack Martin

*     *     *

The woman at the nail salon (and no, not the one who asked if my sister was my daughter but her co-worker) mid-conversation looked at me and bluntly asked, "What are you?". I was taken aback, having never been asked this as far as I can remember. When I didn't answer right away she asked me what my nationality was - apparently assuming I didn't understand her first question. I explained I was English and German on one side and Italian on the other.

She didn't say anything. No nod of acknowledgment. No look of acceptance or confusion. She just put her head down and went back to doing my nails.

*     *     *

"Most of us primarily think of ourselves in terms of one or two identities; yet those self-perceptions do not take away the complexity of who we are."
- Embracing Identity: Dawn Editorial

*     *     *

Then there is a guy on the bus who, whenever he says good morning or tries to engage me in conversation, will only speak Spanish. He looks to be of Pacific Islander or Asian decent and have heard him speak English to others on the bus...so it's not that he himself only speaks Spanish. Since I have no desire to "make friends" on the bus when he greets me "Buenos Dias", I smile politely say "Good Morning" and put my head phones on.

I never thought I looked Hispanic...but who knows? My Aunt has been mistaken as Mexican before while living in San Diego. Though she has much darker complexion than I do.

*     *     *

"I've finally learned that no matter one's race or culture, part of society will always have a problem accepting anything that varies from the norm.
What remains important is that I embrace my whole self." - Emma Flack Martin

*     *     *

I do embrace who I am. I love and appreciate all that my family has given to me. The stories of mothers and fathers before me have become part of me. There is still something more I'm looking for...a connection to traditions, to ritual, to know who those faces are in the old photographs I stumble upon, to know names and their lives...to feel more connected.