First Date - Revisited

Okay. So upon reflection maybe I was a little harsh and rash in the blog I wrote last night and just recently posted. 

It was a first date and on the grand scheme of first dates it wasn't that bad. 

He wasn't creepy. He didn't try to stiff me for his part of the bill. He didn't ask me to fart on/for him. It could have been much worse. 

But in the end I felt like I was on a date with my high school math teacher. Okay so my high school math teachers were a woman and a 60 year old man with long nails and shirts made of table cloths...so maybe I wasn't on a date w/ my high school math teacher... 

Anyway, despite the conversation having few awkward silences, him having a not-so-bad personality or humor...it just wasn't what I was looking for. 

I don't expect prince charming or a knight in shinning armour...but I do expect a clean shirt, some level of chivalry and a few (small) sparks.

First Date - Mission Accomplished?

The following was written my my way home last night from my first "first date" in forever. 

*           *            *

For anyone reading this who may have a first date in their future, I have a few of my own "do nots" for you....

• Do not be afraid to be over dressed. 
• Do not interrupt her while she's talking. 
• Do not make her buy her own drinks if YOU asked HER out. (This goes the other way around too!).
• Do not talk about dying relatives.
• Do not ask your date if she wants kids some day (its too early in the "relationship"). 
• Do not ask if you've caught her on the rebound. 
• And most of all do not leave the house without brushing your teeth.

Now let me start off by saying it was good to "get back on the horse". The first time after a break up is the hardest. And while I'm glad I got it done and over with on some level it was a complete BUST! 

So where to start? 

Maybe I'm a little old fashioned but I feel like when I ask you "Where do you want to go?" you should have an opinion! 

He asked me out and just kept saying "wherever you want to go" but even after I narrowed it down to two locations STILL couldn't tell me which he preferred. I even recommended he check out the websites - this might have also helped him realize old faded jeans, stained t-shirt and running shoes was going to make him look under dressed. It was a first date, I didn't pick a place (and yes, I eventually picked where we went) with a dress code but wear a button down shirt or at least one that fits and isn't stained! 

Before I left for my date I mentioned being so nervous I could throw up - a friend recommended hitting my date's shoes and not his tie (because a tie is harder to clean). Well there was no tie and his sneakers looked like someone else had beat me to the vomiting. 

Okay, attire aside (because we didn't discuss clothing quality/expectations before the date)...can we talk about bad breath and yellow stained teeth? Can we talk about not using the word "prick" or the phrase "like African...you know not African American but real Africa" when describing stretched earlobes, using air quotes while talking about his sister's Life Partner or talking about his dying brother in a flippant "he's a smoker" manner.

Gentleman (and Ladies) let me insert this - sometimes when people (i.e., me) are nervous they talk.  Talking doesn't equal "not nervous" and thus do not interrupt your date to say "You aren't nervous". 

It is also natural for a conversation to flow from topic to topic and change direction. It is not okay to cut the other person off and say "Well back to what you asked me a few minutes ago..." It's rude and makes the person (me) feel like what they (I'm) saying is unimportant and not worth hearing. 

Yes, I have my first "first date" under my belt. However if it did anything it reaffirmed my belief in:

1) Long Distance Relationships can and are a good thing

2) Meeting single Portland men online isn't for me.

3) Breaking up with my ex might have been the worse thing I could have ever done.

I'm going to bed now regretting the past few months and wishing I could wash the date out of my mind.

First Date

I haven't been on a "first date" in I don't even know how many years. If I thought I was rusty at "dating" in general the "first date" is a catastrophe waiting to happen....and here's my chance (to either prove myself right or wrong). Tonight I have a "first date". 

I'm not even sure how or when I was asked. I was emailing with a local guy back and forth a tad and then next thing I knew we were talking about where to meet up after work. I even asked "are you asking me out?" 

I of course did it in a fun and flirtatious manner to hid the fact I was perplexed beyond belief.

But he did. And we're going out...tonight. 

In the past 24 hours I have been trying to absorb as much "dating advice" and "first date tips" from friends as I can. Of course the answer is usually the same "Just be yourself."

Yea, yea. I get it. Be myself. Who do you think I'm going to be? Have I ever come across as someone to show up for dinner in a big floppy hat and giant sunglasses pretending to be someone I'm not? Do I seem the type to suddenly develop a split personality and the "other" is allowed to come out and play at drinks tonight?

Luckily one of my bff's has my best interest at heart. I was given a list of do's and don'ts. 

Do show up early so he's looking for me not vice verse.

Don't have more than one drink.

Do wear something cute but not revealing.

Don't talk about yourself all night long - make him talk some too.

Do make him pick a few options on where to go but get the final word.

Don't worry if he's late showing up, doesn't mean you were stood up.

I think I got it....hopefully....I mean I've gotten past the feeling like a giant leper....there's no longer a giant knot in my stomach (although I'm sure that feeling will return...like it is now that I've said that). 

I want people to take note. Women can be a bumbling mess before a date. We may saunter in on our heels, swinging our hips in our new black dress with a big smile on our faces but we're just as nervous, just as frightened of rejection. 

My hands are already sweating.....

I'm not going into this with any expectations or hope...but I'm also trying to not go into it full of self doubt and doom. 

I made reservations at a tavern in downtown - classy atmosphere (no sports bars thank you) and a cheap happy hour (I may be a high class broad but I don't need to ask for too much $$$ on the first date...wait until the second or third). 

We've exchanged numbers. 

I've reapplied my face (and deodorant)....I think I'm ready to go.

Here's hoping I don't break a heel on my way through the door.

Wizards, Mug shots & Fetishes

Dear Men-Online (Ladies, you can benefit from these lessons too),

I have no problems with online dating; my last relationship started online and I've started the online dating process again. What I do have a problem with is you not understanding that basic human social skills are still needed even if you are picking me up on the internet and not a downtown bar. I understand that you can be anyone or anything you want to be online - however, this doesn't mean you should to be obnoxious, repugnant and downright sleazy!

*          *           *

Tip #1 - when selecting your handle realize what you think is humorous and playful might come across as desperate and slimy. 

Examples:

Love69yes ...all I see is GetMy#Not Thank you for being open and upfront, however, this handle does not make me warm for your form

Titanic73  makes me think giant mistake and freezing to death in the middle of the Atlantic, not that you have a large penis.

Having the word Wizard in your handle conjures images of a Wolowitz man-child living in his mother's basement.

Tip #2 - Drivers Licenses and mug shots should not be your profile picture.

Please remember you're on these sites to ATTRACT someone not repulse them. Try to smile. Even if you think it's the worst smile ever and you have spinach between your teeth - at least you're smiling. Looking angry and/or constipated is not sexy. 

Oh and a little side tip, don't have all the pictures be of your "guns" and asking me to "look at these pythons".

Tip #3 - Keep your fetishes to yourself until at least our second or third email. There needs to be some element of surprise between us doesn't there?

Asking me "would you fart for me?" is not a pick up line I'm accustomed too....Telling me you consider yourself an "Encourager" and not a "Feeder" and then saying "We'll see" when I tell you I'm not interested in gaining weight for your sexual pleasure..... 

These are perhaps not openers.

However, these are just my personal preferences and if they've worked for you up to this point well than perhaps I'm the one who needs to rethink online dating. 

Sincerely,

Me.

PS. When a woman asks you "What's your name?" the proper response is not "Nice rack."

Expired Membership?

It feels like forever since I've been on the "dating scene" and I'm feeling a tad rusty.

It is certainly not like riding a bicycle!

...Although perhaps it is, I never could keep my balance and ride further than a few feet without either crashing into a fence or going head over heels into a bush.

But here I am back on the horse (how many analogies can I put into one blog?); having recently signed onto a dating site (more on that later)

The friends I have talked to about me rejoining the world of singles have all been supportive in their own ways. Some tell me not to rush things (Mr. Hong Kong and I have only been split up a month) while others are eager to play wing(wo)man and devil on my shoulder. The one thing they all have in common is wanting to make sure I do what I need to do for myself.

And I am.

Part of me is wanting to just connect with someone on some level.

Get a drink after work...

Cuddle while watching a movie...

Hold hands while walking down by the river...

I need to remind myself that Mr. Hong Kong wasn't/isn't my last chance for happiness.

...I know that sounds self-deprecating and awful but we all have those moments of doubt after a break up. When we worry that we just let "the one" slip through our fingers.

So here I am, a month later, trying to figure out how to be 'single'.

I don't mean the "be happy being alone" type of single. I mean the not in a long term, serious, monogamous relationship type single.

I'm just not sure I know how....?

You know what it feels like. It's like that scene in MIB2 where Tommy Lee Jones character goes to the video rental place to find out he never used his membership card, put a video on hold but never check it out....

 

Except I feel like my membership card has expired and I'm pretty sure I never put anything on hold.