Surviving 20-Something

Goodbye 20s

2012-01-08T20:01:00.000-08:00

The more I go through life and blog about it the more I realize I'm not trying to "survive" being a 20-something...I'm just living life.

Blogging about my relationship (that has been around longer than my blog) with Mr. No-longer-in-HK, friendships that go south because I believe in faithfulness, white hairs, struggling with the plummet from middle management to entry level, dressing (and being comfortable) in this body of mine... these aren't solely "20-something" dilemmas.

This is just life.

So as I quickly enter the last year of my 20s (I turn 29 in 25 days) I am saying goodbye to "Surviving 20-Something" and starting a new blog.

A New Year.
A (soon-to-be) New Decade.
A New Blog.
A New Beginning.

So thank you to those who have followed me on my 20-something journey. I hope you'll continue to follow me at "Caution! Reality Check"

Beyond Platonic

2012-01-02T18:14:00.001-08:00

So here's a question for the class. Can two people be platonic friends even if one is attracted to the other?

Or 2nd hypothetical can two people (successfully) be platonic friends even if they were/are both attracted to one another?

The reason I ask is I always thought yes... Grown, mature adults can look past physical desire and focus in what they have in common. What makes them friends in the first place.

I certainly have been attracted (both physically and mentally) to friends but never let it get in the way of our friendship. I'd rather have them as friends than not at all.

Today though I started questioning this ideal. Am I just naive to think its possible? Does it just need time? Or am I fighting an impossible fight?

I posed the question to friends on FB and do far most don't think it's possible or a good idea.

I've had a variety of brief "romances". Some have ended with heartbreak and not being able to look at one another in a hall let alone be friends. Some took a few years, some maturing and growing up but in the end we'd consider each other friends. Even one FWB situation that couldn't have ended better if I scripted it - FWB one day, just friends (and still are) the next.

Today though. Today I experienced something on the spectrum I haven't had happen before nor was I expecting. Someone who I, at one time, was attracted to and he I...was so upset that I wouldn't indulge him in the fantasies of a future between us that he practically threw a tantrum!!

Despite knowing the BF and I are together again (he's known since day 1) and I've said all along that I'm a one man woman. I don't know if he's been living in some disillusioned state thinking I'd come running to his arms any day now or what.

Today I had to deal with lines being crossed. Choices not being respected. And finding out "just friends" meant "maybe I can change your mind".

Today I was told to not only stay away but ignore any greetings or extended hands he might offer in the future...until I'm at least "no longer entertaining the thought" that we can be friends.

White Hair

2012-01-02T16:43:00.000-08:00

I ushered in 2012 by spending the long holiday weekend in Seattle with friends. At one point in the weekend we're just hanging out in the house when my BFF starts (jokingly) berating me for the lousy job I've been doing updating this blog.

I know. I know. So here i am riding the train from Seattle to Portland with plenty of time (and a few ideas) to blog.

Today is exactly one month until my 29th birthday. So of course what do I find on new years eve as I'm doing my hair while getting ready to go out? Three white hairs. These are unmistakingly white. Not blonde like the others that naturally highlight my hair. And not grey either. We're jumping straight to WHITE.

Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with having white hair or getting them at an earlier age. One friend (my age) has had them for over ten years. I remember her having a few while we were in college.

I love grey hair on men...even salt and pepper. Mark Harmon is definitely my favorite Silver Fox.

Not saying I don't think women can't look good with it too. I love women who not only have let their hair go white but keep it long too. The perfect crone.

I just wasn't prepared to find one...let alone three...a month before my 29th birthday. I don't remember my mom having grey or white hair this young?

So what am I going to do?

One friend suggested plucking. Now while I don't believe the Old Wives Tale of plucking one and ten more grow in its place. But I (at least for the moment) have no intention of pulling them out. Now the single white eyebrow hair I have (and have had for years) THAT I pluck.

My aunt reminded me that white hairs are why there are home dye kits. Haha. Only I haven't dyed my hair in...oh?...three or four years. I'm trying to grow out the black damaged hair and let my natural brown be healthy. So, no dyeing either. Besides if hair is hereditary than dye won't help. My mother stopped coloring her hair when the dye washed out of the grey after a week.

How about any of you out there?

Have you found your first white/grey hair? How old were you?

Did you pluck it? Dye it?

Road Block

2011-12-25T20:56:00.000-08:00

Waiting for my next rib tickler and/or inspirational blog (*winkwink*) check out my other blog (all food. all the time) at http://www.epicureanenthusiast.blogspot.com

Blog Block

2011-12-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

I realized it's been a while since I've blogged....with the holidays, busy season at work and just life happening I just haven't really found the time to sit and write something.

But I have one I'm working on about shhhh.....Secrets. ;)

So hopefully I'll be ready to upload and publish it soon.

Until then Happy Holidays everyone!

(...and don't forget to check out my other blog for yummy holiday cookie ideas...)

Makes Me Sick.

2011-12-02T14:43:00.000-08:00

It just makes me sick that we still live in a world where this discrimination and hatred exists.

"In a move to "promote greater unity" among its body and the Pike County community it serves, a small Kentucky church voted to ban interracial couples from membership and from participating in certain worship activities, Kentucky.com reports.

Though reminiscent of some Jim Crow-era mandate, the Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church actually made the decision earlier this month, following a visit from 24-year-old Stella Harville, daughter of the church's secretary and clerk, and her 29-year-old fiance, Ticha Chikuni, a native of Zimbabwe.

According to Harville's father, Dean Harville, Stella brought Chikuni to the church in June where they performed a song for the congregation.

Following the visit, former pastor Melvin Thompson told Harville that his daughter and her fiance could not sing at the church again. Thompson later proposed that the church go on record saying that while all people were welcome to attend public worship services there, the church did not condone interracial marriage.

His proposal, which was accepted by a 9-6 vote last week, also suggested that married interracial couples be prohibited from becoming members and used in worship activities, except for funerals.

"It's not the spirit of the community in any way, shape or form," said Randy Johnson, president of the Pike County Ministerial Association, according to Kentucky.com.

While Pike County and the surrounding community come to grips with the church's decision, researchers at Ohio State University and Cornell University say black-white marriages in the United States are soaring, increasing threefold, from 3 percent in 1980 to 10.7 percent in 2008."

Did You Know?

2011-12-02T14:31:00.000-08:00

Since moving to Portland two years ago I've tried to do what I can to make the best of where I'm living.. Visiting touristy and local hot spots alike. Trying out and exploring the culinary scene that makes Portland a foodies-wet-dream. Just generally trying to familiarize myself with the ins-and-outs of this new town.

So when a friend forwarded me this "9 Facts You Might Not Know About Portland, OR" I was so up for the challenge!!

Here they are:

9. Portland is the only city with an extinct volcano within city limits. Yep. Mt Tabor. Not too far from where I live too.

8. Portland has more movie theatres and restaurants, per capita, than any other city in the United States. Now while I didn't necessarily know this exact fact it's hard to not believe it. Especially where McMenamin's often times combines both in one establishment.

7. Portland has the second largest hammered copper statue in the world (the first is the Statue of Liberty). I did know this. Her name is Portlandia and she lives on 5th in Downtown. Depending on what angle you look at her she's either beautiful or a bit scary.

6. More than 20 Farmer's Markets and 35 Community Gardens provide access to fresh, locally sourced food. Yes I did know that. And I've been to a number of them. :)

5. Saturday Market is the Largest continuously operating open-air crafts market in the United States. So while I did not know this I also don't agree with it...mostly because Saturday Market does shut down January and February (understandably so). So does that still count as "continuously"? I think this is a prime example of Portland just wants to be #1 at whatever it can.

4. Portland's International Rose Test Garden is the oldest in the Nation. Believe it or not, I did know this. Mostly from my time working at the Portland Rose Festival. The garden was opened/started in 1917 and is actually 5 gardens in one.

3. Portland has more microbreweries and brew pubs than any other city in the nation. Again, I did know this. And because we're the microbrewery capital of the USA that means it's damn impossible to find a freaking liquor store anywhere!! Actually I have no idea if one is because of the other but it sounds like a good blame.

2. Portland is home to the nation's largest urban park - the 5,000 acre Forest Park. Look at me go! I knew this too!! I also know that Portland houses the smallest park in the WORLD!! Mills End Park. It's a whopping 452 sq. inches

1. Portland's nicknames include "Rose City", "City of Bridges", "Rip City", "River City", "Stumptown" and "Puddletown". Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! Although the "official" nickname is "City of Roses".

So in the end. I'm very proud of how much I've learned about my new town in the last two years. :)

Big Butt Blog

2011-11-10T14:03:00.000-08:00

I love when things just fall into place sometimes. Not wrong place wrong time but instead right place right time. For me today the right place right time was reading an essay by Erin J Aubry, called "The Butt: it's politics, it's profanity, it's power" (part of the "Body Outlaws" anthology.

As I write this I'm sitting on a small plane headed from Portland to San Francisco (eventually making my way to San Diego). When I say small plane I mean put your carry on luggage below because the overheads are the size of a bread box, four seats across small.

The airline doesn't matter.

What does matter is today, this flight, was the first time I EVER in my nearly 10 years of flying as an adult, had to ask for a seat belt extension.

I was mortified.

Despite being size 26, and having good ol' fashioned birthing hips and a big butt I've always been able to wear a standard airline seat belt.

Yes they've always fit snug over my hips but it's supposed to. Sometimes I've had to sit up straight, slip the belt under my belly to

have it sit across my lap.

But never have I had it not fit.

Not click into itself.

Thankfully I was one of the first on the plane and there were not that many people in the back of the plane when I slipped beside the flight attendant and had to ask for a "belt extension". The flight attendant smiled and politely asked what seat I was in as she handed me the balled up belt.

Did it have to be a different color?

Did she have to ask what seat I was in so everyone around knew the woman in 11D didn't fit in her seat?

Now to be fair to myself I fit in the seat. My hips and thighs don't spill over into my neighbors seat. It's just the combination of my hips, butt and stomach just were two or three inches too big to fit into the airlines expectation of "maximum size".

No matter how you look at it. No matter what spin you put to it. It was still the first time I had the thought "I'm too fat to fly".

Enter Erin Aubry's "The Butt".

Now while I cannot claim to know first hand the social stigmas and perceptions the country/world puts onto woman of color and their butts. A number of things that Aubry discusses in her essay spoke to me and I could relate my own personal experiences of being a big butt

woman.

"I have a big butt. Not wide hips, not a preening, weightlifting-enhanced butt thrust up like a chin, not an occasionally saucy rear that throws coqettish glances at strangers when it's in the mood and withdraw like a turtle when it's not. Every day, my butt wears me...."

I often feel this way. That no matter what I wear, how I try to camaflage it, there is no hiding that I have a BUTT! Although (perhaps) unlike Erin Aubry I also have wide hips. And there are days when I'm convinced my butt and hips are teaming up and flirting with strangers when I'm not looking. Winking and giving come hither looks to every man on the street.

I have no control over it and it gets me in trouble. My butt/hips are out there socializing away and then when the men come up to me and use such original come-ons like "Hey there Momma" and "Mmm. Damn girl"- I have to be the bitch that turns them down... It also doesn't help that

I think my breasts are in on the scam with my hips and butt.

There are days when I just cannot stand my butt/hip duo and want to vote them off the island.

Days when it doesn't matter how many pairs of pants I try on I just can't find a pair that fits. Either they fit around my waist but have too much fabric in the seat so it looks lime I've got a load back there. Or they fit fantastic over my butt, with curves in all the right places but I can't make the button up. Because I'm telling you now I don't do elastic waist bands unless we're talking pjs or lounge pants.

Days like today when something as insignificant as an airplane seat belt makes me hyperaware that I have a "larger than average" sized body and society isn't sure what to do with it.

"I'll admit: For all my hand wringing, I'm growing accustomed to my butt. It's a strange and wonderful development....as I've gotten heavier I've actually gotten more comfortable with how I look....So what if America, in it's infinite generosity, wants to hp me get rid of this bothersome behind....More and more, my response has been: I am going to eat cake. I will wear the things that fit-whatever ones I can find-with impunity. I will walk this way. I don't have an issue, I have a groove thing. Kiss my you know what."

This last piece of Aubry's essay is really what sang out to me. I am currently near the heaviest weight I have ever been (actually the heaviest was approximately three years ago but only by about fifteen or twenty pounds more) but I believe I'm also the most comfortable with my body...until days like today.

(End Note. I returned via this same airline on my way home from San Diego. This time on a standard 747 and my seat belt fit just fine)

Heart and Brain

2011-11-09T15:37:00.001-08:00

Ready to Turn 30?

2011-11-06T19:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why I'm suddenly obsessing with (almost) being 30....?

Yes, my birthday is 2 1/2 months away but I'll be turning 29 not 30.

Maybe it's because I'm a "planner". I like to be prepared...like to know what to expect before something (large) happens. Plan ahead for any possible unexpected twists and turns.

This way, starting to think about the "Big 3-0" before it happens, I have time to get my life (somewhat) to a place that I'm (more) happy with.

I came across these "Tips All 30-Year-Old Women Should Know Before 30" in Madame Noire. And I thought it might be useful to go through these tips and see how "ready" I am.

* * *

Tip #1 How to cook a complete gourmet meal: "You don’t have to be Betty Crocker to know how to cook at least one decent meal. Maybe you can only whip up one complete meal, but anything beats spaghetti as your ‘specialty’. Everyone should know how to cook a meal edible enough for not only yourself, but guests as well."

Haha! I've got this one nooooo problem! I'm known for my cooking. I pride myself in my cooking. I love throwing dinner parties for large groups and/or small intimate dinners for two. I definitely know how to cook more than "at least one decent meal."

Consider this one "Checked"

Tip #2 How to manage your finances: "Shopping until you drop or broke, whichever comes first, is definitely something that should be left in your 20s. Before turning 30, women should have a savings account, an emergency fund, and a checking account complete with next month’s expenses. In addition, knowing how to manage your money and not let it manage you is another trait you should possess before you turn 30."

Okay so this one I still need work on. (See this is why I'm starting to think about being 30 over a year ahead of schedule). I do have a retirement fund with my company, I have a checking account, have recently paid off a credit card (that hadn't been paid off properly...eek) and haven't had a bounced check in a while. However, if I lost my job tomorrow I'd be f***ed. I don't have a savings account and I have (maybe) just over $100.00 in my bank account (hooray for payday coming soon). However, now that the credit card has been paid off and 1/2 my monthly paychecks aren't going to pay off furniture from 6-7 years ago....I'm planning on starting to tuck away money for a nest egg (and hopefully not allowing my shoe fetish to eat away at it).

For now, I'll mark this one as "In Progress"

Tip #3 How to live alone: "If you’re accustomed to city life where living accommodations can become quite costly, you either have or have had your fair share of roommates; but before turning 30, if your funds permit, you should have experienced living on your own sans a friend, roommate, boyfriend, or especially parents."

Holy smokes am I ready for this again. I lived alone for a number of years however, because of relocation and financial situations I've been living with roommates and/or family for the last four years (give or take). Now it's time to start saving the money and find my own place again... hopefully long before I turn 30!

Checked and In Progress

Tip #4 What you will or won’t do for love or money: "Maybe you’ll air out your business on a reality show for a little extra change, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll spend your 30s attempting to be a basketball wife or maybe you’d prefer to make your own money. Whatever your choice, you should know before turning 30 what you will or won’t do for love or money. Understanding yourself and your limits is very important."

I don't think I've ever really thought much about it. But I think I'm pretty secure in myself, my values and my choices that I know what I would or wouldn't do for money and/or love. But I don't have a list in my wallet or anything.

Checked.

Tip #5 How to have a healthy relationship with the other sex: "You’ve dealt with the cheaters, or maybe you were the cheater. You’ve been lied to or done the lying. You’ve had your heart broken and possibly broke a few hearts in the process. But through the negative, you’ve experienced a somewhat stable relationship with a man (other than your father). You’ve realized that men and women are completely different and our thought processes are even more distinct. Still, you’ve learned to work around the differences and how to sustain a healthy relationship with a man."

I have to say I laughed at the "other than your father" piece... but my "daddy-issues" aside and the list of "unhealthy" relationships I may or may not have had. I think I have had "healthy relationship(s) with the other sex". There are, of course, some bumps in the road with any and all relationships.

Checked and In Progress

Tip #6 How to have a healthy relationship with yourself: "Before 30 you should know that you are worth the investment, physically, mentally, and emotionally. You understand that beauty is only skin deep and that keeping yourself up physically is on half of the battle. Before 30 you should know how to have a healthy relationship with yourself or at least on the path to doing so."

I have the occasional moment of amnesia but for the most part yea...I got this covered.

Check.

Tip #7 How to dress according to your shape, size, and style: "By 30 you should know that everything doesn’t look good on everybody. With that in mind, you know what works for your body shape, what colors compliment you the best, and different looks to don on different occasions. Simply put, you know exactly how to look fabulous."

You mean that "Juicy" written across my butt and buying tees from the Junior section isn't a smart idea? Oh.... DUH!!! I love clothes. I love fine tuning my style. And I think I do it very well. So consider this:

Checked!

Tip #8 How to pick your battles wisely: "By now you should know that every argument doesn’t require a response. Learning to choose your battles wisely is a characteristic that comes with getting older."

Yea. So we're not ending on the best note. I still have a lot to learn about picking my battles. But then I'm a stubborn hot blooded Italian woman. Oh well. I knew I wouldn't be 100% ready (according to Madame Noir) to turn 30.

* * *

Anyone out there 30+ with other tips or suggestions for preparing for the big ol' 3-0?

Almost 30

2011-11-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

So I have 1 year, 2 months and 27 days until I turn 30 years old.

Yes - I know I'm jumping the gun and haven't even had my 29th birthday yet.

No - I'm not dreading turning "the big 3-0"

What I am wondering is what to do with my "Surviving 20-Something" blog once I'm no longer a 20-something.

That's where you come in.

Do I change the title of this blog to allow for my life adventures as a 30-something woman? Do I start a new blog and just link the last entry of this blog to the new one?

What are your thoughts?

Little Black Dress

2011-11-06T13:34:00.000-08:00

So I'm on the Holiday Party Planning committee for this year's company party. And of course, being an organizer and party planner, I want everything to be perfect.

Aside from making sure the party doesn't resemble a frat boy's 21st birthday (no offense to fraternities or 21 year olds) I want to make sure I look perfect as well. haha

I found this dress on Torrid.com and while I loved it I just wasn't sure if I could pull it off....but after some "fashion consultation" with a few friends I went for it!

The party is happening at a local Wine Bar and Lounge - so nothing fancy (last year it was held at a ballroom) but I still thought I needed something special. After I don't get much chance to put a dress and get dolled up.

Besides every woman needs a little black dress right?

So it finally arrived and I couldn't wait to try it on (despite not having the proper push-me-pull-you-panties) and here it is (just ignore the look on my face - the flash startled me).

I'm happy with the purchase and can't wait to wear it to the Holiday Party.

Now to just accessorize. I figured a killer pair of shoes and some fantastic earrings should be enough. Although if I can find a new bling-ring I'll be set.

The other day while Christmas shopping I stumbled on these earrings and of course had to buy them. They'll go great with the dress I think.

$6.80 at Forever XXI!

SOLD!

Okay. Shoes time. I haven't really settled on what I want them to look like. I had come across a pair of shoes like this a while back (these are not the exact ones because of course now I can't find them).

While they are super fun and I'll probably buy them "just because" I don't think they fit with what I'm looking for to wear at the Holiday Party.

Friday I went to a Payless Shoes and fell in love with these.

Holy Smokes! I'm in love. They also had them in black....can't I buy both? The red is sooo sexy but the black would go better with the dress.

Sadly I left without any of them but the woman did say that another shipment of shoes would be arriving Monday. I think I'll have to be going after work and see what they've got in. But my gut says to just get these while I can.

Soooo cute!!

If you have thoughts, suggestions of links to some killer accessories send them my way!

Born this Way

2011-10-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

Red Flag

2011-10-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

**WARNING!! This blog contains
some language
(quotes from others) that may offend.
Proceed with caution**

Okay. So if you haven't been following (or you are a new reader) the saga of my life life you may want to read this blog, and this one...and then finally this one. (Oh and if you want a quick, humorous wrap up of my dating experiences check this entry out)

Now somehow, and perhaps its because I've felt like my head has been in a whirlwind the past month or so, I have failed to mention that a week after Mr. HK (who is now back in the USA and I supposed should now be called either Mr. SF....or as one of my bff's calls him "The Creature") contacted me guess who should reappear on my computer screen?

Mr. CT of course.

Sent me an email saying his computer crashed, lost all his emails, and that's why he hasn't emailed/IMd me lately. Now, I'll give him that, I'll trust that this is why the emails stopped. However, I am keeping in the back of my mind the fact that a broken computer does not also mean a broken phone (when questioned about not calling there has yet to be an answer). Also, when I mentioned to Mr. CT that I felt like "runner up" - because I saw he had restarted up his online dating profile - his response was "well it DIDN'T work out with anyone else."

.... he just didn't get it.

At this point, I'd been honest with "The Ex" about the fact I had been 'seeing' others while we were broken up and equally I wanted to be honest with Mr. CT. about the fact that "The Ex" and I were talking and exploring the possibility of mending fences.

His response: "The China Guy!?"

Now, from there I explained that he was no longer living in Hong Kong and that "The Ex" was only 1/2 Chinese (when I first started talking with Mr. CT he was perplexed on me having been in a LDR with someone in China). Something about "the China guy" just didn't sit well with me. My bff in Seattle tried to convince me I was just over reacting. That because "The Ex" was now back I was trying to convince myself that there was something ~~racist~~ wrong with Mr. CT.

So we (Mr. CT and I) continued to talk and be friends. Then earlier last week Mr CT and I were chatting. He asked "So how is the China Guy"....hm? So as a response I told him I didn't think he really wanted to know how he was doing and if he had another question he just needed to ask. (My thoughts were that he was hoping "The Ex" and I weren't doing well and the gates had reopened for him). After a few moments of silence Mr. CT has a moment of verbal diarrhea asking if I've ever met "the China man" face to face and how do I know he's not a "Negro"

Um? WHAT THE FUCK!!??

RED FLAG!!

Overwhelmed and shocked I ended our conversation (thankfully it was 5 o'clock and ending the conversation was fairly easy enough). I quickly sent my Seattle BFF a text message telling her what just happened and asking if I could start jumping to conclusions and see this as a "red flag"!! (of course she said 'yes')

Later on Mr. CT found me again online and apologized saying he didn't mean to offend me, he was just curious if I knew "The Ex" wasn't "white, black or whatever".....I replied that I wasn't offended by the intent of the question just his use of the term "Negro"... no response.Since then I have received a few (offline) messages telling me 'good morning' and 'evening'.

At this point I don't see him talking his way out of this one.

I don't see me believing anything he might say trying to.

At this point I'm not sure if I need to tell him to just piss off point blank or to simply let this whole thing fade away into the cyber-sunset. Either way, Mr. CT's time is quickly running out.

BOOBS!

2011-10-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

So hopefully you are all familiar with The Bloggess? I have a huge blog-crush going on with her...hopefully if the obsession goes too far someone will stop me before she turns on me like Shatner turned on her.

Anyway, The Bloggess not only maintains her own (hilarious) blog but she also writes for Sexis and last week she wrote an article called A Boob By Any Other Name and I had to share it with my readers.

Now in the article she explains these are names that Twitter's hashtag #NicknamesForBreasts show. Some of my favorite are:

The old stand-bys:

Knockers

The girls (My usual go-to name)

Ta-tas

Fun to say*:

Chee Chees (that's what my family has always called boobs when you're a little girl)**

Weirdly poetic:

Devil’s Dumplings

Adorable:

Dirty pillows (A friend also used to refer to them as "Naughty Pillows")

Kind of brilliant:

The Golden Girl***

Bert and Ernie

Frick and Frack

Thelma and Louise (because those girls are always in trouble)

*I also heard a joke (or maybe read it somewhere on FB?) that was "I have bigger balls than any man I know. They're so big God had to put them on my chest to prevent chaffing" (<--one of the nicknames from twitter was calling breasts "testicles" and The Bloggess had a question mark next to it).

**In my family we also refer to them as "ma-guppies" (a reference to a M*A*S*H episode where a Korean refugee child keeps calling Klinger "Mamasan").

***I totally love the idea of calling boobs "The Golden Girls" until you then start thinking of them as old, wrinkly and saggy. But hell if they're as sassy and raunchy as Betty White...I'm all in!!

Beauty DIY

2011-10-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

So I know I'm not a "theme day" type blogger.

Nor have I been a big "fashion" type blogger.

However!

I came across two fun fashion/beauty ideas today I just had to share.

The first is homemade pore strips!!

Because I am the first to admit I am addicted. It sounds gross I know but there is just something so addicting about pulling off that strip and seeing the disgusting-ness I've cleaned out of my pours.I plan on going home later tonight and giving this a try.

I had a friend (the one who originally posted the idea) tell me when she tried it "didn't find it to be setting up... but tried to make it more paste like and added baking soda... then it got flaky... so [she] did [her] whole face like a mask (very cool and refreshing) and kinda worked like a scrub in the shower feelin' smooth and not dried out"

The second is nail print art.

It totally looks fun and funky - but I have to say I'm a little worried about what it might do to my recent manicure. Maybe I'll try it out on my sister! Haha.

I love this type of beauty DIY and will definitely let you know how both of these turn out.

Miss Representation (trailer)

2011-10-12T21:12:00.000-07:00

Taking a Cue from Bridget Jones

2011-10-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

"Will find nice, sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts... "

Mermaid or Whale?

2011-10-05T09:48:00.000-07:00

French model Tara Lynn

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns.

They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Dare to Jump.

2011-10-04T15:54:00.000-07:00

Hardest Journey

2011-09-29T14:47:00.000-07:00

“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping” - Chinese Proverb

* * *

2nd Chance?

2011-09-28T14:54:00.000-07:00

So today Mr. Hong Kong messaged me.....just talking about what we have or haven't done in the last four months, what we do or don't want to see happen, what it even means that we're talking now.....

Normally (or at least pre-Mr.HK) my philosphy on exes has always been "an ex is an ex for a reason"... no questions. no 2nd chances. no matter the circumstances.

But now I'm not so sure.

So I posted a question on my FB and I want to ask it here too:

"Have you ever gone against your better judgement or personal philosophy when it comes to exes?"

So far the responses (from friends/family online) have been:

"No. Bad Morgan."

"Who hasn't? And it always comes back to bite you in the ass"

"Which EX are you talking about?"

So what about you?
Do you think 2nd chances can happen?
Have you ever given an ex a 2nd chance?
What happened?

Sex Ed (for Adults)

2011-09-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

Came across this Salon article/quiz and just had to share!

A sex ed exam -- for adults
By Tracy Clark-Flory

"D.C. is introducing standardized tests about s-e-x in public schools. Can you pass our version for grown-ups?"

1) A paraphilia is:
a. A fetish for parachuting
b. An incurable sexually transmitted infection
c. A clinical category of sexual disorders
d. A word I just made up to sound smart

2) Abstinence-only education:
a. Delays first intercourse
b. Reduces rates of teen pregnancy
c. Reduces rates of STIs
d. All of the above
e. None of the above -- and yet Congress has spent over $1.5 billion on it

3) What is the average duration of heterosexual intercourse?
a. Less than a minute
b. 13 minutes
c. 8 minutes
d. 25 minutes

4) Roughly how many women can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone?
a. 10 percent
b. 20 percent
c. 60 percent
d. All of them, they just haven't met Mr. Right

5) Non-human animals have been observed doing all of the following EXCEPT:
a. Group sex
b. Same-sex sexual behavior
c. Making dildo-like objects
d. Oral sex
e. "Except" nothing -- they've done all of the above and then some. Uncivilized animals.

6) What infection is NOT included in most STI screenings?
a. Chlamydia
b. Gonorrhea
c. Herpes
d. HIV

7) How many men have faked orgasm?
a. 10 percent
b. 25 percent
c. 40 percent
d. None -- dudes can't fake it and don't have to

8) A woman may experience orgasm as a result of sensory information from which of the following nerves:
a. Pudendal nerve
b. Pelvic nerve
c. Hypogastric nerve
d. Vagus nerve
e. All of the above

9) Which is generally the most pleasure-prone part of a man's penis?
a. The underside of the glans
b. The top side of the penile shaft
c. The head
d. It's all the same

10) Which of the following is true about marital satisfaction?
a. It generally decreases after you have a baby together
b. It all goes to hell after the baby's born
c. It is usually not affected after a couple has a baby together

11) What percent of married adults are largely satisfied with their sexual partner?
a. 54 percent
b. 64 percent
c. 94 percent
d. 0 percent. Married couples don't have sex

12) Which of the following can reduce the effectiveness of oral contraceptives?
a. Female orgasms
b. Antibiotics
c. Antidepressants
d. All of the above

13) Stop reading, Mom. Approximately what percent of heterosexual women and men in the U.S. have had anal sex?
a. 10 percent
b. 15 percent
c. Trick question! Only gay men have anal sex
d. 25 percent

14) How long does it usually take for symptoms of HIV to appear?
a. Two weeks
b. Six months
c. Two years
d. Over a decade

15) How many women and men feel preoccupied with their sexual performance?
a. 5 percent of women, 10 percent of men
b. 15 percent of women, 15 percent of men
c. 30 percent of women, 50 percent of men
d. 0 percent of women (all they have to do is lie there), 0 percent of men (what's there to worry about?)

16) A person who has oral herpes (cold sores) can pass the herpes virus to a partner while performing oral sex on them.
a. True
b. False

17) Among young, healthy men who have difficulties getting or keeping an erection, the cause is most often related to:
a. Erectile dysfunction
b. Performance anxiety
c. Peyronie's disease
d. Phimosis

18) Approximately what percent of couples have experienced sexual problems?
a. 10 to 20 percent
b. 32 to 40 percent
c. 57 to 70 percent
d. 78 to 95 percent

19) Which of the following lubricants can be used safely with latex condoms:
a. Silicone-based lubricants
b. Water-based lubricants
c. Oil-based lubricants
d. All of the above
e. A and B only

20) How many U.S. states grant same-sex marriage licenses?
a. 6
b. 4
c. 10
d. None

21) What is a "gender identity"?
a. It dictates whom a person is sexually attracted to
b. It is a person's inner sense of maleness and/or femaleness
c. It is your biological sex
d. All of the above

22) Roughly how many men and women have never masturbated?
a. 2 percent of men and 25 percent of women
b. 10 percent of men and 20 percent of women
c. 1 percent of men and 15 percent of women
d. 5 percent of men and 11 percent of women

23) Which is the fastest-growing group of people with HIV in the U.S.?
a. Homosexuals
b. Men who have sex with men
c. African-American women
d. Gay Caucasian men

24) What is the most-visited porn site on the Internet?
a. LiveJasmin.com
b. YouPorn.com
c. XTube.com
d. Spankwire.com

25) Which acts as an abortifacient?
a. Plan B
b. RU-486
c. IUDs
d. All of the above

26) The HPV vaccine can reduce the risk of:
a. Genital warts
b. Cervical cancer
c. Anal cancer
d. All of the above

27) A woman's virginity can be proven by:
a. An intact hymen
b. Bleeding during first intercourse
c. Both A and B
d. Nothing -- it can't be proven with physical evidence

1) c; 2) e; 3) c; 4) b; 5) e; 6) c; 7) b; 8) e; 9) a; 10) a; 11) c; 12) b; 13) a; 14) d; 15) c; 16) a; 17) b; 18) d; 19) e; 20) a; 21) b; 22) d; 23) c; 24) a; 25) b; 26) d; 27) d

If you scored between:

18 and 27, you go to the head of the class. Email me and I just might send you a Certificate of Sexual Proficiency.

8 and 17, you're probably Canadian.

Zero and seven, you likely landed on this page by Googling "free porn" -- sorry to disappoint. (See: The answers to Question 24 above.)

Dating the last 4 months

2011-09-27T16:42:00.000-07:00

I came to the realization that Mr. Hong Kong and I have only been broken-up for four months.... and ~~unfortunately~~ I sent him an email today....just saying a happy belated birthday and hoping he was well. ~~I'm so stupid.~~

I then immediately messaged my bff in Seattle telling her what I'd done. Here's how some of that conversation went:

BFF: I told you that this wasn't going to be easy....and that it was going to be hard. 

Me: I know. You're right, as always. It's not like I expected to break up with "Mr. Hong Kong", turn the corner and find prince charming. But at least someone who is local, not a workaholic, not creepy/sleezy and wants to get to know more than my bra size

BFF: I know... but it doesn't make it easy that the other guys weren't even half decent

Me: Seriously. my "1st date"...well we've talked about him plenty. Then there was the teacher and the Canadian who both just disappeared. Mr. CT who looked like things were going well before *poof* The guy in SoCal who is only interested in sex. The Chicago guy who wanted me to fart on him. And now the "local" lawyer who doesn't know when he'll be leaving Tokyo.

BFF: I am trying not to laugh, because of how you put it but you should write a book! hahahah

Me: AND THAT'S ONLY IN THE LAST FOUR MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!

BFF: I know! hahaha

.....(later on in the conversation).....

Me: Oh. and I forgot about the Australian who, even though we both were emailing just as friends (because of the distance) - just stopped emailing. And then there is the guy from the UK who couldn't stop complimenting me (but in that way of weirdness) "Me: What's the weather like. Him: Rainy but it'd be sunny if you were here beautiful." WTF? Where do I find these guys?! And don't get me started on the ones who hit on me in person around town.

...(even later on)... 

BFF: Ever thought of taking the sex people up on their offer? ...Maybe you need something without any ties... just have some fun.

Me: Yea but guys in Portland are (for the most part) gross and i honestly have no idea how or where to even beginning thinking let alone doing something like that. I can't get a guy to buy me a cup of coffee let alone take me home for the night.

Oy vey. I just get so frustrated with the whole dating process. I wish I could just shut the part of my brain off that desires a relationship. I wish I knew how to just pick up men in a bar and slip out the next morning before . I wish I knew how to shut down emotionally and not need or want a partner/companion. I wish this how thing was just easier.

Vacation Accomplished

2011-09-26T14:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend (despite having the category of "work") was wonderful. I definitely don't get away as often as I need or should...so this was a much needed vacation.

I love driving to the coast and seeing all the cute farm houses

Everything is just sooooo GREEN!


Stopped and had lunch at Camp 18 Restaurant and Logging Memorial

Decided I was going to take the example of the Camp Cat -
and use this weekend to relax.

So I made sure to have a good time with my student government folks (they're a wonderful group), went to the beach, Seaside Aquarium, and ate yummy food.

I just loooooove the grassy sand dunes on the way to the water.

Seaside Aquarium - privately owned since 1937

Yes, That would be me...and a huge octopus at the bottom

Fed the seals - he'd splash if you took too long

Fried garlic artichoke hearts from McKeowns

Stopped by Jim Dandy's Farm Market on the way home too -
got many yummy veggies

So glad to have a mini-get-away.....now back to work.

MUCH needed Vacation

2011-09-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

It's not even 3:30PM on Thursday and I'm already in "Vacation-Mode" and so ready to get to Seaside.

Okay, so it's not a real vacation...I'm going to the coast this weekend for work. A meeting (basically) all day Saturday and then Sunday morning....

HOWEVER!!

Saturday evening I'm planning on dining at (what looks like) a great Southern/Creole restaurant called Lil' Bayou

and then Sunday afternoon going to the Seaside Aquarium.

And you better believe I'm getting as close to snuggling these faces as they'll let me:

So while there is work involved at least I'll be squeezing some beach time in there too.

Guest Blogger

2011-09-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

Guess who was featured on Jess Barnes' blog Life...Live It!...........?

ME of course!!

Check it out here

She's also on twitter @Jess_Barnes

Catcalling

2011-09-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

Okay putting aside any feminist agenda and degrading qualities of the entire idea can someone explain "catcalling" to me?

I don't mean WHAT so much as the WHY.

Why do people whistle, hoot or call out to passerby?

What's the purpose?

What do you think is going to happen?

I don't know about you but I don't think I know anyone whose love story begins with "Well there I was walking down 5th Ave when Joe whistled at me from the scaffolding on the building he was constructing".

Yesterday a man standing at the MAX station whispered "Hey Cutie" ...although creepy and not appealing at least this scenario could pan out more to an actual conversation than the man who honked his horn at me and did that stupid head nod thing. I mean even if I was interested how am I supposed to respond?

I just don't get it.

What's the point?

F*** you Disney

2011-09-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

This evening a friend of mine posted this article with a note saying he was posting it for me.

(Let me say before we get started that I love Disney. I have a many many on DVD. I grew up watching them and still will go to the theatre to see the newest Disney cartoon. Doesn't mean the feminist and political side of me doesn't see everything that's wrong with them)

* * *

The Disney Myth: Why So Many Women Are Misled About True Love
How "happily ever after" sets kids up for heartache as adults.
By Joe Amoia

There are over 100 million single adults over the age of 25 in our country, and for most of them, the thought of being single and dating is analogous to having a red hot poker jammed into their eye. Based on my research, most single women dislike dating and being single. When it comes to finding that special guy to share their life with, many of these women say that there is hope in their heart, but they honestly admit that they are not too optimistic that true love is in their future.

Why do these women feel this way? For many of them it is based on their experience with men and their past relationships. Imagine if you wanted to eat Italian food and every time you went out to eat Italian food you had a bad experience. It wouldn't be long before you started saying to yourself "Italian food sucks." It would be only natural, wouldn't it? And who could blame you? Here you are trying to find a great place to enjoy your favorite food but every time you thought you found "the one," it left you unsatisfied and disappointed.

Well, isn't that how it is for you with men and your relationships? You want a great guy but after each failed relationship it's harder to believe that true love actually exists, isn't it? Well, it's understandable, and I felt that way a long time ago too. In fact, I have a theory. I call it the "Disney Myth" and it says that the reason most women have a hard time with men and relationships is because they have a distorted view of what true love really is.

Let's think about this. As a little girl grows up, she hears story after story about how she needs to be saved by the prince on the white horse or knight in shining armor. These stories unknowingly paint a picture that in order for a woman to live happily ever, after she needs a man to rescue and save her. She learns that her ultimate life happiness depends on a male hero.

This storyline exists in most of the Disney movies, including Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and Sleeping Beauty. And in the '60s and early '70s, Disney movies played a role in most childhoods. But, as I got older and started dating, I realized that many single women who had grown up in that era had an unrealistic distortion of love and relationships.

I guess watching my mother love my dad during his four-year battle with cancer made me realize what true love and a relationship was really about. When my dad was going in and out of hospitals, having chemotherapy and wasting away in front of our eyes, I soon learned that true love was so much more than what we had ever been taught or shown. I learned that life was going to throw stuff at you and if both people weren't prepared for it, then the chances of living happily ever becomes a much more difficult aim to achieve.

What Disney left out of all of these movies is that there is something called life after you fall in love. True Love is a commitment between two people to be there for each other and to support each other in the face of life and all of its challenges because the truth is, no matter who you are, life is going to throw stuff at you. And if your prince charming doesn't have the skills and tools to meet your needs, it won't be long before happily ever after turns into miserably divorced.

I find it amazing that in the world we live in our educational systems teach us nothing about relationships. Including my doctorate, I went to school for 21 years and in that 21 years I did not have a single class on relationships and what is necessary to increase one's chances of living happily ever after. Instead, I had to figure it out on my own. I took my lumps, made a lot of bad choices and ultimately figured it out. I learned that the key to a happy, fulfilling and successful relationship is picking the right partner for the right reasons. It is about being clear about who you are and what you have to offer and picking a partner who compliments you, and who is on the same page in regards to your life goals and visions.

A relationship is a true partnership between two people. It doesn't make a difference how cute you look together or how much you think you love each other. What matters most is the two individuals love, respect and honor each other in a way that they work together to create the results that they both desire.

Many little girls grow up and dream of finding their prince. They grow up dreaming about being the princess and wearing the white dress. Years are spent focusing on the fantasy of the wedding day and what it will be like. For many, that day comes and once it is over they realize that true love and having a successful relationship is much more than they realized. Unfortunately Disney left that part out.

* * *

After reading it I commented "I'm going to assume you meant this is for me because you knew I'd agree withthe article and not because you think I'm looking for the Disney Myth of love."

I won't deny that Disney has given the completely wrong message about ... well lots of things. Relationships, men coming to "rescue" the women, women who are helpless and life doesn't really begin until she's saved. However, I have to that I don't think my problems are that I've fallen for the Disney Myth.

I come from a divorced family. My father left my mother for a woman 10 years his junior, he left not only my mother but also my 6 month old baby sister and my 8 year old self.

My parent's are not the only ones in my family who are divorced. Of my six aunts and uncles only two are not (or were never) divorced - yet one was married to a philanderer and the other to an alcoholic abuser. Of the divorced/divorcees one aunt is on husband #5! I never had (what I would consider) "healthy relationship models" growing up.

This is what say is the foundation of my inability to find a healthy and stable relationship for longer than 2 years. I've always built walls around myself to help stop others from getting in and hurting me. But then on the flip side, I also always hope/believe that "this time" and/or "this relationship" will be different and I won't fall into the patterns of the generation before me.

So yes, Disney has filled my head (and others) with knights in shining armor, frogs that turn into princes, and being saved from less-than-ideal lives by being swept off my feet.... but I have thoughts of how to leave a relationship the first time a fist is swung or violent words thrown, how to stand up for yourself and keep your safety/sanity/self first. Disney may be f***ed up but in the end it's only the tip of my disfunctionality iceberg.

New Mantra

2011-09-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

Wondering

2011-09-14T13:05:00.000-07:00

"Have you ever wondered ...

How could he disappear after he was so totally into me? Why hasn’t he texted? Why does he pull away every time we get close? Was it just about the sex? How could he not be interested in me? Why doesn’t he make a move? Will he ever commit? What the bleep is going on in this relationship? Is it him or is it me?

Ah, men. Mystifying men.

And we’re supposed to be the mysterious ones! Truth is, men are at least as hard to figure out as women. Their behavior can be confusing, frustrating and maddening. They tease us with clever poems, daily texts and calls, only to turn around in the blink of an eye and completely disappear or disappoint us. Who hasn’t fallen for that grand opening game, where they lure us with intoxicating conversations, exciting fun-filled dates, a single perfect rose, delicious kisses and more?" (excerpt from Aha! Understanding the mind games men play by Psychologist Diana Kirschner unveils mysteries of ‘deadly dating patterns’)

So let me say that I have not read (nor do I intend to read) this woman's book "Love in 90 days". However, being that I'm going through a particularly frustrating (see also sad, depressed, angry, and confused) time I have been trolling for advice, words-of-wisdom and/or common experiences online.

I have spent years falling too hard, too fast, for men who are all words. Finally met a man I feel madly in love with, and then spent two years waiting for him to step up and act on his words.

When I finally said enough was enough did I go and find myself someone the exact opposite of what I had found in the past?

No, of course not. I found myself Mr. CT. A man who made me weak in the knees, gave me butterflies in my stomach, sweet talked me into believing we had a special connection and then *poof* GONE. No words of "it's not working out" or "I just don't feel a spark". Just gone.

I'm tired of being told I'm the girl you bring home to mom but then never is. I'm tired of being told you think I'm beautiful but then left to feel like a leper. I'm tired of watching family and friends pairing up and procreating only to then look at me with sad eyes and be told "don't worry, it'll happen for you". Tired of games and being told men are just "scared of commitment". Tired of men who are just talk, or just looking to get me into bed, or just looking to stroke their own ego. Tired of feeling I've done something wrong to push them away. Tired of feeling like I'm intentionally picking emotionally obtuse men. Tired of feeling like I'm not tall enough, pretty enough, smart enough, interesting enough. Tired of allowing these thoughts in my head. I'm tired of all the bull shit.

*Deep Breath*

Okay....obviously needed to get that out... Truth is I am just tired of it all.

I came across this photo (-->) on Pinterest and I knew it rang true. I don't think I'm trying to force "love" with anyone but I definitely am a romantic in my core and can't help falling sometimes for a sweet smile and sweet words. I just wish that I'd stop falling for men who can just easily toss me aside like last nights leftovers.

2011-09-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

Ever hear a 'tick-tick-tick' so deafening you don't know if it's your biological clock or the self destruct alarm just prior to implosion?

Sophia Loren Can Do No Wrong.

2011-08-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

The Sweet Spot: To Shave or Not to Shave

By Ginger Murray

Having a fetish for underarms is known as "Axillism." But what about armpit hair? On men it's accepted -- there are a number of gay websites dedicated to armpit hair sexiness. This same hair on women, however, provokes a range of reactions. It can inspire desire, cause disgust, and for many, it is the de facto badge of a feminist.

Vibha Raval says, "I don't have any hair below my eyebrows, ever, but I am not any less feminist." For her it's an issue of hygiene, personal preference, and modernity. However, Vivian De Milo, a gender queer fetish model and artist, loves it.

"I think body hair, armpit hair in particular, is smokin' hot on femme and female bodied people. It turns me on and tickles my pickle."

Sexy or not sexy, political or personal? The question rages on, but what about the stink factor?

For years, when I was stressed or excited, my armpits would put out an honest to goodness rankness. Despite those few who were turned on by it, I didn't even like smelling myself. My stench once cleared a dance floor. I tried all manner of deodorants but nothing worked. Then one day, a friend asked me, "have you ever just tried not shaving?"

Like most American girls, I began shaving as soon those first little hairs emerged and so, no, the thought had never crossed my mind. As an experiment, I threw away the razor and let it grow.

Surprise: No more stinking. Wild. I have now become a confirmed hairy armpit gal, and those who got a kick out of my particular odor will just have to come a lot closer. And some will.

Photographer Rosie Jones says, "The most important and fascinating role of hair is to be a part of the olfactory communication. The smell of each and every human being is different and unique -- pheromones produce this distinct smell. Hair holds in itself this unique scent and helps humans to identify and respond to others. Therefore body hair is sex and is sexy. But I can't help but whip it off for aesthetic reasons."

And of course those aesthetics keep a lot of wax and razor companies in business. In fact, it was a marketing campaign that put a smooth, hairless underarm on the map. In 1917, the Wilkinson Sword Co., which made razor blades for men, created advertising to persuade women that underarm hair was unfeminine. The sales of razor blades quickly doubled, and culture was altered.

So whatever your preference, the beauty of our postmodern world is that for the most part, you can do as you damn well please. But Tracey Snyder Stone offers this word of advice, "Hair is sexy if kept neat and clean. Man or woman." Indeed, although there are those who like it dirty, real dirty.

The Sweet Spot is a blog column about alternative sexuality by Ginger Murray, the editor of Whore! magazine.

Article: What Size Are You, Really?

2011-08-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

What Size Are You, Really? The Truth Behind Vanity Sizing

- Lisa Marsh

Like most new moms, Erin Correale wants to whip her wardrobe back into shape.

Correale has it easier than most. At 38, she’s within 10 pounds of the weight she’s been since her teenage years. But her clothing size isn’t.

“I wear a size two in Ann Taylor, a four in Banana Republic, a six in Old Navy, a four at Coldwater Creek and a friend told me about Chico’s, but told me I would have to look at a size zero,” she says. “I never like size zero—it’s encouraging people to be waifs. That doesn’t make me feel good.”

Sizes zero, two, four and six all for one woman? Is Correale lost in the looking glass, growing and shrinking at every turn like Alice, or is there something seriously askew with the sizing of clothing?

It’s no mistake. The American apparel industry has created an intentional system of “Vanity Sizing.” The increasing use of the smaller sizes—a size 12 in 1970 is now in the size four-six-eight range—is meant to make consumers feel better about buying clothing.

Standards—or Lack Thereof

When it comes to sizing, there are no universal standards. A woman with a traditional hourglass figure with 36-24-36 measurements can wear anything from a size zero to a size ten, depending on the brand and whether it’s sold at the designer, contemporary, junior, bridge or mass level.

The only standard that does exist is to con the buyer into believing she’s smaller. Over time, sizes are getting roomier, allowing women to believe they can still squeeze into a more desirable size two, four, six or even eight.

“At this point, sizes are meaningless. They’re more relative than anything else,” Bill Ivers, chief operating officer of MSA Models told YouBeauty. His agency specializes in providing fit models for designers and brands.

“Sizes are not standard by design,” he explained. “It helps brands be unique and offer an edge over the competition. Brands are looking for brand loyalty and if last season you were an eight and this season you’re a size six, that’s a sales tool. We all look to apparel to make us look good, feel comfortable and confident.”

Even celebrities fall victim to the need for vanity sizing.

One actress cold-called Robert Verdi, style director at FirstComesFashion.com and a celebrity stylist who regularly works with stars like Eva Longoria and Kathy Griffin, and asked him to wardrobe her for multiple appearances during an awards season.

Her publicist said the actress was a size 12, and because they were working on a quick turnaround of less than three weeks, Verdi couldn’t ask designers to make anything custom, so had to rely on pieces designers had in stock.

“We looked at pictures of this woman and I called her publicist back and asked her, is she really a size 12?” he told YouBeauty. “The publicist insisted she was a 12.”

When Verdi and his team packed the dresses up for the trip to Los Angeles, “we snuck in some 14s, 16s and even some 18s.”

Though Verdi told the actress that everything was a “size 12,” the actress “wasn’t happy,” he said. She ultimately wore several of his picks, but one of the dresses was altered to fit by making it six-to-eight inches shorter. The fabric was then added as a panel on the back of the dress so the “size 12” would fit.

“She didn’t want to be bigger than that in her head. A number means so much to so many people,” he added. That's really too bad since the numbers are pretty much meaningless and there are no standards in place.

This lack of sizing standards wasn’t always the case.

Until January 20, 1983, the U.S. Department of Commerce and the National Institute of Standards and Technology offered specifics for the sizing of apparel with body measurements for men, women, junior women, young men and children. These standards began in the late 1940s as a byproduct of the necessity for size-standardization in military uniforms during World War Two. Committees that included textile manufacturers, designers and retailers worked with the Department of Agriculture to determine these sizing standards and all adhered to it.

The program was discontinued in 1983. The measurements were not keeping up with the typical American body, which was changing due to better medicine and nutrition, along with an influx of new and varied ethnic groups. Sponsorship of these standards was assumed by private industry. That marked the start of sizing’s new Wild West, a lawless, volatile environment that continues today.

An End in Sight?

“Each designer has their own vision of what they imagine as the ideal person to wear their clothing,” explained Tanya Shaw to YouBeauty. “Designers will hold true to what they believe.”

Shaw is the founder and president of MyBestFit, a sizing system that scans your body for about 10 seconds and then provides you with sizing recommendations for styles from over 30 brands like the Gap, Old Navy, Talbots and J Brand.

“We help customers decode sizing and that makes shopping as simple as uniformity,” she explained. “We should find clothes that fit our bodies, not sizes we like to hear.”

The company currently operates one scanner at the King of Prussia Mall in the suburbs of Philadelphia, PA, but will be adding 45 more locations in fall 2011. Though a Personal Shopping Guide from MyBestFit in King of Prussia will only provide resources that are in that mall, you can enter your identifying code on the company’s web site to find what other sizes and brands will fit you when shopping at another location or online.

“When you cut the confusion out, consumers buy more,” Shaw said. “They have told us the conversion rate [from shopper to buyer] of 100 customers is normally 20 percent. With MyBestFit, in some cases, it’s as high as 90 percent. Imagine if you went into a fitting room and it all fit—your shopping time is more productive.”

Cricket Lee is taking it a step further and attempting to get standards back into the lexicon of apparel makers and designers. She founded Fitlogic, a patented sizing system that fits by body type and size. Though it is now accepting pre-orders online for fall shipments, Lee has spent five years struggling to bring it to market. Because each brand has its own sizing, designers and apparel manufacturers weren’t interested.

Her labeling categorizes women in three shape groups—circle, hourglass and triangle—and the Fitlogic label carries the traditional size plus a number for one of these categories.

“The truth will set you free and if you know you’re a size four and shape three, you know a size 4.3 in FitLogic will fit you every time,” Lee explained. “Women don’t have the time to mess with trying on sizes. It is debilitating to walk into a fitting room with 10 pairs of pants and have nothing fit.”

“It’s progress and it will happen,” she added. “If this can reduce return by 75 percent, how can designers and retailers ignore it?”

MSA Models’ Ivers is skeptical that day will come. “There is no universal fit and I doubt that there ever will be. If five people take measurements of the same person, there will be five different measurements,” he said. “Consumers have to learn to adapt to the fact that today you’re a size zero and tomorrow, you’re a four.”

While new mom Correale admits she “loved being a size two at Ann Taylor, I didn’t really believe it.” Shopping certainly isn’t any easier. “I don’t know how to shop other than taking three sizes into the fitting room or having someone run back and forth for me. It never works.”

Shopping woes aside, maybe Lee is correct and the truth will set you free. If knowing that a number on a tag is meaningless will free you from getting hung up on sizes and allow you to focus on the best fit for you, maybe it's not such a bad thing after all.

Size 2 = Curvy?

2011-08-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

I was logging onto Yahoo Messenger this afternoon and saw this headline:

Now I have no issues with Jennifer Love Hewitt as a person (although I don't follow Celebrity News so really she could be an awful human being and I'd have no idea). What I do have is an issue with media saying that, "Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt proved that real women do have curves upon arriving at the premiere of her latest movie..."

SHE IS A SIZE 2!!!!!

So what I want to know is since when does a size 2 equal "curvy"? I'm not saying her breasts and hips aren't "curvy" but only because the rest of her is so tiny!And what kind of message is that sending to women (and girls) who are sizes 12 or 22?

I Need to Move.

2011-08-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

According to OKCupid, I live in "the most promiscuous city in the nation".... I'm obviously living in the wrong city....

* * *

Which U.S. Cities Have The Most Casual Sex?

www.huffingtonpost.com

Unless you're reading this in Portland, the most promiscuous city in the nation, you have some work to do -- at least according to OkCupid.com. The start-up dating site has taken on the envious job of determining which cities are most likely to engage in casual sex. Along the way, they've also compiled some sex-related infographics correlating the mundane and the risque (for instance, a ven-diagram of 'people who eat oatmeal,' and 'people who, like, really go at it').

How were these distinctions awarded? OkCupid told the HuffPost it all ties back to the percentage of users in each city who list "Casual Sex" as one of the relationship types they seek. While we're thrilled two of HuffPost's Locals broke the top 10 (Denver and San Francisco), we're disappointed neither of them grab number one by the... uh, never mind.

10. Houston, TX

9. San Diego, CA*

8. Denver, CO

7. San Bernardino, CA*

6. Dallas, TX

5. San Francisco, CA*

4. Miami, FL

3. Pittsburgh, PA

2. Seattle, WA

1. Portland, OR*

* * *

Oh and I have lived in (or very close too) 4 out of the top 10 (marked by *).... I think I need to start rethinking where I move to. Where's the list of the top 10 cities to find someone to settle down with?

* * *

I wrote the above piece first thing this morning. This afternoon I came across an email that has some interesting overlap. This article was called "Top 10 Cities for Single Women" - based on surveys and research done by Rent.com (I know such a well known research institute) the following ten cities were considered most desirable for single woman (based off what their research found single woman found "desirable").

10. San Jose, CA

9. New York, NY

8. Las Vegas, NV

7. Los Angeles, CA

6. Chicago, IL

5. Washington DC

4. Denver, CO

3. Austin, TX

2. Seattle, WA

1. Phoenix, AZ

So wait, if you combine the two lists does that mean the promiscuous single women live mostly in Denver and Seattle?

Just kidding folks. Although it does make you wonder who is looking for "Casual Sex" in those first Top-10 if not the "Single Women"?

Common Courtesy (a rant)

2011-08-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

I need to rant here for a moment so I hope you don't mind..... and if you do, well that's too damn bad and you can just move along.

* * *

Now, I will start off by saying that my last entry was about Mr. CT and since writing that blog I have told him how I feel and am now wearing my heart on my sleeve. Did I call him up and say I want you to be mind? No. Did I email him like a nervous little school girl, rambling about how I like him and don't want to put labels on what and who we are but that I like him and am not interested in "dating" anyone else? You bet I did!

Hello World, my name is Morgan and I have a giant yellow streak down my back when it comes to expressing my feelings to men.

So it's been put out into the Universe and now I'm just waiting to see what happens.... aside from the Universe plopping a sexy handsome international attorney into my lap two days ago. Oh, and did I mention he's local? And by local I mean here in Portland/Vancouver!! Not sure if this is a test to see if I'm really ready for Mr CT and I to be solo or if this is the Universe's way of saying Mr. CT is not the one.... damn you!

* * *

Anyway, this blog wasn't meant to be a rant about me being a fickly mistress, this blog is about "Common Courtesy" and how it does/should still apply to online dating.

Now I realize that online dating is a lot like speed dating. It's an opportunity to meet a variety of people quickly, all at the same time, and if you don't like what you see across the proverbial table... you move along.

However, I also believe that once you have exchanged a handful of emails, have discussed likes/dislikes, have flirted, have chatted.... it is COMMON COURTESY to say if you are no longer interested! I believe that after all the above it is polite to say "well thanks, but I just don't feel the chemistry" or "good luck on your search but I've found someone local"... Hell I'd accept "I've decided to delete my account and join a monastery!"

The point is - that you would (or at least I hope not) get up from the table, on a f2f date, excuse yourself to the restroom and just not come back. Would you? Most respectable people wouldn't. They'd have that friend call at 7:03 pretending to be an emergency or you'd say "thanks for a nice evening, but I have an early meeting in the morning". Even if you ended the evening with the common dating white lie "I'll call you".... at least you're saying "Goodbye"

There have been two men (three if you count the fact that Mr. CT deleted his online account before we could really get emailing) who have chatted with me for weeks -- series of emails discussing anything and everything... at times perhaps more than if we had been across an actual table sharing drinks after work -- that have just "disappeared" so to speak.

The first one mentioned in his last email he was going camping for the weekend and would email me upon his return. The weekend came and went and no emails. After a few weeks (you can see roughly the last time someone was logged in when you/they have marked each other as a "favorite") I just began to assume he'd been eaten by some starting Canadian bear. I just looked (prior to this blog) to see if it still listed his last log in as "2+ weeks", NOPE "Earlier This Week"! So his "I'm going camping" and "I'll email you on Monday" was a digital combination of a "bathroom break" and "I'll call you".

The next one literally just "disappeared" and deleted his account... TWICE! The first time I noticed his profile didn't show up under my favs, I figured oh well, we hadn't emailed that often. Then he reappeared one day and sent me an email. His email account had been hacked so he was deleting and recreating various accounts. So we started emailing again, back and forth, multiple times a day. Then this morning *poof* GONE AGAIN.

WTF?!

Now I'm sure both of these men had perfectly "logical" reasons for these occurrences. But at the same time.... something old fashioned courtesy queen in me says this is FAR from okay. Common courtesy isn't hard. Saying "thanks but no thanks" makes a person feel a lot less like an undesirable leper.

How Do You Know?

2011-08-19T23:41:00.001-07:00

How do you know when you're done "looking around" and "keeping doors open"?

What are the signs you're ready to see what can happen with that ONE special one you found?

And then...how do you even begin to say that out loud to the person?

It's been years and I feel old and rusty.

Is Age Really Just a Number?

2011-08-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

The inspiration for this blog came from the dating site I'm a member of. Despite being very smitten with Mr. CT - I'm trying to "keep my options open" (as a friend so wisely recommended) and have not closed my profile. I'm not on the site searching through other people's pages, but am leaving mine up for others to contact me (I know this isn't the way to find a date but really I'm more interested in seeing what happens with Mr. CT than anything else at this point).

Anyway. I've noticed that either mostly men over 40 are looking at my profile (you can see who has viewed you recently on this site) or there are only mostly over 40 men on this website.

Is it because by 40+ men don't feel the same pressure as younger men to conform and date "super model" looking woman? Is it because they're looking for a younger woman to make them feel young? Or is it just something about me that appeals to older men?

Not that I want to judge all older men based off my first-first date experience but I think that date showed me that there might be an age limit for me. Someone who hasn't experienced everything I've yet to (marriage/divorce, traveling, etc) or at least wants to do them again (i.e., have children). I understand the benefits of the "older man" - ready to settle down, done with the "bachelor lifestyle", secure in job/finances....but I think for me ten years older is really my maximum. Anything over that and I start playing the mental "Are you closer to my age or my mother's?" game (fyi Mr. 1st 1st Date was closer to my mothers....eek)

On the reverse side I definitely feel that there is a limit to how young I could/would date.

Yesterday I saw a 20 year old had viewed my profile. Now he didn't make contact but the first thing I thought when I saw his age (age mind you not profile/picture) was "Oh hell no!".

Mostly because my younger sister is only 20 and since I helped raise her after my parents divorced I some how can't get the Baby C's Age = Child (I still call her and her bf "The Kids")... which brings me to her boyfriend... he's 22 and I still don't think I could date someone that young. Sure they're old enough to go to the bars (where a 20 year old can't even do that!)... but I'd forever thing Mr. X = Same Age as Nick-Nick.

No thank you.

I think the youngest I could go... probably only a year or two younger than myself... or at least for now. I've been out of school for five years, have worked at a number of businesses and organizations as well as moved around a bit. Just like I don't want to be with someone who has experienced much more life than I have I don't want to be with someone who is still discovering who they are. (Not to say younger people haven't "lived" more than I).

However, as a general rule of thumb I don't (or at least try not to) prejudge based on age. I'll engage in conversation, reply to an email, but I can't help but wonder how much farther than a "hello" it will go.

What about you? How much older/younger have you dated?

Hair

2011-08-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

I remember being somewhere around 9 or 10 the first time I shaved my legs. I didn't need to, the hair was blond and "peach-fuzz" but it was thicker and (in my opinion) more visible than my friends. I didn't ask my mom or someone to help me with how. It just seemed instinctual. Now years later, I'm still shaving my legs and often wish for thin peach fuzz again.

I think my first real exposure, however, to the conversation about hair "down below" was when I first read Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues in college, and the piece called "Hair"

* * *

"You cannot love a vagina unless you love hair. My first and only husband hated hair. He said it was cluttered and dirty. He made me shave my vagina. It looked puffy and exposed and like a little girl. This excited him. When he made live to me, my vagina felt the way a beard must feel. It felt good to rub it, and painful. Like scratching a mosquito bite. It felt like it was on fire. There were screaming red bumps. I refused to shave again. Then my husband had an affair.

When we went to marital therapy, he said he screwed around because I wouldn't please him sexually. I wouldn't shave my vagina. The therapist had a thick German accent and gasped between sentences to show her empathy. She asked me why I didn't want to please my husband. I told her I thought it was weird. I felt little when my hair was gone down there, and couldn't help talking in a baby voice, and the skin got irritated and even calamine lotion wouldn't help it. She told me marriage was a compromise. I asked her if shaving my vagina would stop him from screwing around. I asked her if she'd had many cases like this before. She said that questions diluted the process. I needed to jump in. She was sure it was a good beginning.

"This time when we got home, he got to shave my vagina. It was like a therapy bonus prize. He clipped it a few times, and there was a little blood in the bathtub. He didn't even notice it, 'cause he was so happy shaving me. Then, later, when my husband was pressing against me, I could feel his spiky sharpness sticking into me, my naked puffy vagina. There was no protection. There was no fluff.

"I realized then that hair is there for a reason-it's the leaf around the flower, the lawn around the house. You have to love hair in order to love the vagina. You can't pick the parts you want. And besides, my husband never stopped screwing around."

* * *

I've heard feminists and friends (sometimes one person in both roles) speak on both the pro-hair and pro-shaving side. Women who wax all together, shave a "landing strip", a "V" and those who don't trim at all. I personally don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" way to keep your hair.

Do I have preferences?

Sure.

Who doesn't?

Earlier in my blog I praised the NYTimes for having an article (in the Fashion & Style section) about the choice women make on whether or not to shave (arms, pits, legs, vaginas, etc). Then later on they ran another article - this time focusing on men and hair.

We seem to be at a tug-of-war struggle between women encouraging others to let it grow (au naturel) and marketing ads pushing men it's time to take the razor plunge and remove it all.

Would you shave it all or let it all grow in for the one you love?

Do you have a preference for hair or no hair?

Do you see it as a political statement or a marketing ploy?

To shave or not to shave?

A Thrisis?

2011-08-04T15:29:00.000-07:00

20 Somethings - Get ready for a "Thrisis"

By Andrea Lavinthal and Jessical Rozler

(CNN) -- Despite lackluster reviews and declining ratings we're holding out hope for "$#*! My Dad Says," the new CBS comedy starring William Shatner. No, we're not particularly big fans of the 79-year-old actor, but we do appreciate the prime-time sitcom's realistic portrayal of adulthood.

For those who don't know, the show is based on the wildly popular Twitter feed of Justin Halpern, a comedy writer who moved back into his parents' house in his late 20s and started documenting the hilarious -- and profanity-laced -- musings of his father.

With more and more adults living under the same roof as their parents -- 85 percent of college seniors planned to return home after graduation, according to a recent poll) -- one thing is for certain: For most 20-somethings, and a lot of 30-somethings, the road to becoming a genuine grown-up, minus the air quotes, is an increasingly long one.

Sure, delaying the onset of adulthood isn't exactly breaking news, but here's what is: People are finally paying attention to the late 20s and early 30s, that gray zone when you're not young enough to be young and not old enough to be old.

Forget the quarterlife crisis -- that post-college moment of clarity when you realize that working at a job actually requires -- you know -- work.

This is a "thrisis" -- an uneasiness people experience as they hit the big 3-0. Or the big 3-uh-oh, as we like to call it.

These feelings of anxiety crept into our own lives as we left our 20s. Our peers -- whether single or married, with or without children, unemployed or climbing the corporate ladder -- had to two primary questions as they neared 30:

• Is this what it feels like to be an adult?

• And am I normal?

(Spoiler: The answer to both questions is most likely "yes.")

While a discussion of 20-somethings inevitably turns into a lament about the younger generation, with their buffet-of-life choices, lack of responsibility, and refusal to grow up, here's the truth: This isn't your mother's 30.

These choices come with the pressure to not only have it all, but to make it perfect -- the HGTV-worthy house, gifted children, high-powered career, and soul mate. A tough current economic climate has made it difficult for people of all ages to mark the "traditional" adult milestones, making adulthood even more complicated.

In addition to the pressure for perfection, today, we also have the added anxiety of living our lives more publicly than ever before. Thanks to social networking and other forms of digital dishing, not only can we spend hours navel-gazing online, but we can also gaze at each other's navels via social networking sites.

Now you can log onto Facebook or Twitter and find out that your younger cousin is pregnant (again), your best friend got a promotion, and your college roommate is engaged. It's easier to compare and contrast our friends' life trajectories to our own and then blog, tweet, text, and instant message about it.

While the thrisis isn't exactly fun, there is some good news: You'll realize that part of being an adult is understanding that "figuring it all out" is a lifelong task even for the biggest grown-ups among us, not a goal that must be reached by an arbitrary birthday. You'll also gain a lot a more out of a thrisis than you'll lose -- good stuff like maturity, self-awareness, and perspective.

Speaking of perspective, let's step back for a moment and not forget that 30 isn't exactly geriatric, for gosh sakes. Plus, more research shows we actually get happier as we get older. We should all be so lucky to have a life re-evaluation at age 100, although "century-is" or "hundred-is" just doesn't have the same ring to it as thrisis does.

Female Beauty is an Abomination

2011-07-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

(Guardian Article forwarded to me)

L'Oréal's pulled adverts: This ideal of female beauty is an abomination

The lengths the beauty industry and its ugly sister, the fashion industry, go to sell their products are repellent. - by Tanya Gold

When curves were fashionable - Marilyn Monroe.
Photograph: SAM SHAW / Rex Features

The advertising slogan of L'Oréal is "Because we're worth it". But it doesn't really mean it. If it did, it might include people who look like people in its marketing campaigns. And so the Advertising Standards Authority's decision this week to ban two L'Oréal adverts for deviousness could be the start of something wondrous.

The adverts featured the actress Julia Roberts and the model Christy Turlington promoting Lancôme's Teint Miracle foundation and Maybelline's the Eraser foundation. (Note the use of the word "erase". It means "annihilate".) Roberts is 43; Turlington 42. In the fashion and beauty world, they are as old as Yoda. So beauty did what beauty does; it examined the photographs, observed the flaws and eliminated them. The women emerged improbably radiant and extremely beige. They looked weird and alien and faintly radioactive, like the Ready Brek kids, but with smaller stomachs and longer necks. L'Oréal, the largest and most profitable beauty company in the world, was pleased.

L'Oréal's ad campaign for Lancôme with Julia Roberts

But after a campaign by Jo Swinson, the Liberal Democrat MP, who emerges from this saga like Joan of Arc with a Wet One, the ASA ruled that the adverts misrepresented what the products could do to a normal face. The claims literally had no foundation. Roberts and Turlington had been digitally altered, Turlington to the extent that a piece of skin appeared to be shooting out of her cheek, possibly heaven-bound. L'Oréal pronounced itself "disappointed," which presumably means that if it had a face, its mascara would run on to its chin. The company has form in this. It has received complaints for promoting Telescopic mascara with Penelope Cruz in eyelash extensions and Elvive shampoo with Cheryl Cole in hair extensions, because there is no woman so beautiful, her hairs cannot be extended beyond their human capabilities. The Cruz complaint was upheld; the Cole one thrown out.

I am not against foundation. I take no such political position. To have a face like the bastard child of E.T. and Chewbacca is not my goal, even as I await the emails suggesting my opinions about the beauty and fashion industries stem from my own essential ugliness. A No Grooming Whatsoever manifesto is a straw man I would not touch with a blusher brush. But the lengths the beauty industry and its ugly sister, the fashion industry, run to sell their products are repellent and dangerous. In search of profit, they have created a homogenous ideal of female beauty that has nothing to do with what women actually look like. She is an abomination – starved and plucked and ironed and shrunk; she is the doll that looks like no one. Her goal is to sell dissatisfaction because liking your body sells nothing. Surveys say the majority of women are unhappy with their appearance and I blame the doll for almost all of it.

It has been a slow crawl for the doll. In the 50s and even the 70s – the 60s were a tentative audition for today – a size 12, with hips and breasts, could make it on to a billboard or into a movie. Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell, Ava Gardner – all had flesh and interesting faces and imperfections. Russell's eyebrows looked like draft excluders and Gardner had a cleft chin you could topple into. They looked like individuals. No more. Models and actresses are tiny now, and curiously similar, with every trace of fat melted off, every shadow painted out. This is not just boring and offensive and a nightmare for people who like to see actresses who can act, rather than pout. It is a mass psychosis, where what is real is despised and what is non-existent is desirable. The camera lies, like never before. I await the first Franken-actress, composed of itinerant body parts glued together with CGI. I hope they don't forget the eyes.

When I attended couture week in Paris last year – an event of such monstrous self-delusion and inanity I will never go again – I stared at the girls because their upper arms were thinner than their lower ones. They looked sick in their hobbling heels and, therefore, as remote as ghosts. They were sallow and spotty; they had created the need for airbrushing themselves, for a want of toast and butter. Even so, very thin hands clapped. I thought the audience was mad to applaud such screaming symptoms of starvation, but no. They are simply immune. They have forgotten what normal people look like. In kinder moments, I can see that fashion people are also victims of their own cracked dreamland. Galliano is daft, McQueen is dead and both Valentino and Lagerfeld look as if they've have had enough plastic surgery to suggest they don't like the mirror, either. They look like unhappy, ageing women: they look like their customers.

Valentino (L) - Lagerfeld (R)

When a model leaves the catwalk and dies of heart failure, or dies of anorexia with the whispered death-bed testimony of what the industry requires on her lips, there is always some chat about banning size-zero women from the shows and a suggestion that fat women (size six?) should be allowed to stagger up and down the catwalks in the stupid shoes. Giorgio Armani said in 2006: "The time has now come for clarity. We all need to work together against anorexia." But watch the fall/winter 2011-12 shows online and see if you think anything has changed. The status quo is re-established as the model goes cold.

Sometimes a product such as Dove will use "Real Women" – that means fat, with non-regular features – in its advertising, but this is gimmickry, a shove for the latest campaign. A normal-looking person in a beauty advert equals a global news story; what else do you need to know? In what you might call corporate altruism, although I call it something else, Dove (property of Unilever) has established a Self-Esteem Fund to help women combat advertising and the eating disorders even Unilever admits advertising creates, because "the average person sees between 400 and 600 advertisements per day," some of which are, presumably, Dove's. But go to their website. You will soon see young, thin models as well as "Real Women". Normal abnormality is re-established, even as the Self-Esteem Fund counts the teenage anorexics on its fingers.

The September Issue, the documentary about US Vogue, included a brilliant scene where the cameraman was photographed for the magazine. Well, not his head. He was presumably too ugly to appear with his head, but his body, all in black, was OK if his paunch was rubbed out. That was Vogue's revenge on the truth-teller: make him thinner, remove his head.

When women, and increasingly men, who are, poor things, the latest victims, see the gulf between the ideal and their own nasty reflections, what happens? Their hatred of their own selves grows – read the innumerable statistics – and vomit rises in the throat of yet more consumers. You can ignore the argument that growing obesity is a sign fashion advertising and beauty advertising has no impact. Anorexia and compulsive eating are twins, not opposites, and both, I think, a response to the doll.

I am thrilled Swinson and the ASA stood up to the doll and knocked her down. It could be the start of something beautiful. Or it could be a scream in the night, because she will be back. She is made of flesh and pixels – and money.

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2011

Patterns.

2011-07-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

As you know, I rejoined the dating world recently....as for when I became "single" again that's up for debate...but the point is I hoped back on the dating wagon. And I'm wondering has anyone ever found themselves repeating a dating pattern?

I'm not talking about always dating brunettes or people with blue eyes; I'm talking about patterns of behavior, of choice, and of consequences.

CBS News had a segment back in 09 about "Breaking Your Disastrous Dating Patterns" with Dr. Diana Kirschner, author of "Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love," and the they list the "Most Common Deadly Dating Patterns"(why is the news always so over dramatic?). Of these "Deadly Dating Patterns" I suppose I fall into all four....

"Every woman falls into terrible patterns, Kirschner observes, adding that, if any woman looks at past relationships, she would fall into one or more of these categories: "The Hermit," "The Flameout," the "I Will Make You Love Me," and the "Not Perfect, I Will Pass."....well now, I do not believe that every woman falls into terrible patterns.I do believe that lately I'm starting to see patterns in my own dating.

Not necessarily "bad" patterns...unless I think too long on it and then I see them as self-destructive and they take on the form of giant brick walls guarding me...keeping me from being "really" hurt (whatever the hell that means).

They're possibly patterns of avoidance, falling for men thousands of miles away, patterns of men who fall hard and quick for me as I them, patterns of falling for Mr. (Feels) Right too quick.

I'm trying to keep my options open....not deleting my dating site account, not snubbing anyone who might email me, or those who I have been emailing with....but I have met someone. Someone who stirs things in me I haven't felt since Mr. Hong Kong and I first started dating.

I know that these could very easily be because Mr. Connecticut is playing to my more traditional sides by asking permission to call me....Sickening sweet I know but I'm a sucker for sweet and traditional. (Also, can I just interject here that Mr. CT has called me every day for the past five days? More than Mr. Hong Kong ever did...not that I'm here to compare men/relationships)

My concern is that he's nearly 3,000 miles away. I feel that I'm developing a pattern of falling for non-local men so that I don't have to worry about the person-to-person closeness/intimacy.

Yes, I found him on a website for people who are and prefer plus size folks....

Yes, he's expressed the fact that I am very much his type (both mentally and physically)....

Yes, he is very much my type (mentally and physically - within the limitations of what we know about each other at this point)....but that's just my point!

Why couldn't I find a man "my type" here in Portland?

Why am I repulsed, time and time again,
by the men who express interest in me locally?

Am I being too picky?

Am I being not picky enough?

To an Amazing Woman

2011-07-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens.

She smiles when she feels like screaming, and she sings when she feels like crying.

She cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid.

Her love is unconditional.

There's only one thing wrong with her...She forgets what she's worth!

Today is 'love u day.'

Pass this to every beautiful woman you know.

Remind her that she's unique.

I love you girl.

Tell ten crazy girlfriends you love them, thinking of you!

Love of My Life - Runner Up

2011-07-18T10:15:00.000-07:00

I came across a blog the other day - thanks to one of my readers - and it's definitely lit something inside of me.

The topic is having a "Backup-Husband"

Now let me clarify. This is not in the if my marriage fails I have someone to fall back on and jump right into another relationship. This is more in the sense that "I become an old spinster and to make sure I don't die alone" backup spouse.

Maybe because I'm 1 1/2 hears from being thirty and recently finding myself single (again).

Maybe because more and more of my friends are getting married and having babies (in many cases baby #2 and #3).

But the idea of never meeting "the one" (or worse having let "the one" get away) and needing/wanting a "back up" scares me.

Not so much I lose sleep at night. Or am going to be calling my ex-boyfriends and single guy friends asking them to be my backup husband. (Although, yes, I have thought about and know who I'd ask if I ever find myself in need of back up sperm...but that's a different blog).

Something about having a back up husband just makes me feel worse (about myself) than thinking I'll never meet "Mr Right". I want to spend my life with my best friend but I don't want that best friend to be coerced into being with me.

I don't think I would ever want to be someones back up any more than ask someone to be mine. I'd feel second hand. Like your permanent doormat. If we don't want to be together now why would we want to be together in ten or twenty years?

However, my best friend (of about 20 years) and I have had a plan for years that when we're old and tired of our husbands we'll "suddenly become widowed" (*wink wink*) and then move in together to raise pug dogs.

Now that's my idea of a "backup spouse"!!

But I'd like to know what other people think of this idea. Am I alone in feeling that I'd be settling for 2nd best (or that I'd be someones 2nd best).

First Date - Revisited

2011-07-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

Okay. So upon reflection maybe I was a little harsh and rash in the blog I wrote last night and just recently posted.

It was a first date and on the grand scheme of first dates it wasn't that bad.

He wasn't creepy. He didn't try to stiff me for his part of the bill. He didn't ask me to fart on/for him. It could have been much worse.

But in the end I felt like I was on a date with my high school math teacher. Okay so my high school math teachers were a woman and a 60 year old man with long nails and shirts made of table cloths...so maybe I wasn't on a date w/ my high school math teacher...

Anyway, despite the conversation having few awkward silences, him having a not-so-bad personality or humor...it just wasn't what I was looking for.

I don't expect prince charming or a knight in shinning armour...but I do expect a clean shirt, some level of chivalry and a few (small) sparks.

First Date - Mission Accomplished?

2011-07-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

The following was written my my way home last night from my first "first date" in forever.

* * *

For anyone reading this who may have a first date in their future, I have a few of my own "do nots" for you....

Do not be afraid to be over dressed.
Do not interrupt her while she's talking.
Do not make her buy her own drinks if YOU asked HER out. (This goes the other way around too!).
Do not talk about dying relatives.
Do not ask your date if she wants kids some day (its too early in the "relationship").
Do not ask if you've caught her on the rebound.
And most of all do not leave the house without brushing your teeth.

Now let me start off by saying it was good to "get back on the horse". The first time after a break up is the hardest. And while I'm glad I got it done and over with on some level it was a complete BUST!

So where to start?

Maybe I'm a little old fashioned but I feel like when I ask you "Where do you want to go?" you should have an opinion!

He asked me out and just kept saying "wherever you want to go" but even after I narrowed it down to two locations STILL couldn't tell me which he preferred. I even recommended he check out the websites - this might have also helped him realize old faded jeans, stained t-shirt and running shoes was going to make him look under dressed. It was a first date, I didn't pick a place (and yes, I eventually picked where we went) with a dress code but wear a button down shirt or at least one that fits and isn't stained!

Before I left for my date I mentioned being so nervous I could throw up - a friend recommended hitting my date's shoes and not his tie (because a tie is harder to clean). Well there was no tie and his sneakers looked like someone else had beat me to the vomiting.

Okay, attire aside (because we didn't discuss clothing quality/expectations before the date)...can we talk about bad breath and yellow stained teeth? Can we talk about not using the word "prick" or the phrase "like African...you know not African American but real Africa" when describing stretched earlobes, using air quotes while talking about his sister's Life Partner or talking about his dying brother in a flippant "he's a smoker" manner.

Gentleman (and Ladies) let me insert this - sometimes when people (i.e., me) are nervous they talk. Talking doesn't equal "not nervous" and thus do not interrupt your date to say "You aren't nervous".

It is also natural for a conversation to flow from topic to topic and change direction. It is not okay to cut the other person off and say "Well back to what you asked me a few minutes ago..." It's rude and makes the person (me) feel like what they (I'm) saying is unimportant and not worth hearing.

Yes, I have my first "first date" under my belt. However if it did anything it reaffirmed my belief in:

1) Long Distance Relationships can and are a good thing

2) Meeting single Portland men online isn't for me.

3) Breaking up with my ex might have been the worse thing I could have ever done.

I'm going to bed now regretting the past few months and wishing I could wash the date out of my mind.

First Date

2011-07-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

I haven't been on a "first date" in I don't even know how many years. If I thought I was rusty at "dating" in general the "first date" is a catastrophe waiting to happen....and here's my chance (to either prove myself right or wrong). Tonight I have a "first date".

I'm not even sure how or when I was asked. I was emailing with a local guy back and forth a tad and then next thing I knew we were talking about where to meet up after work. I even asked "are you asking me out?"

I of course did it in a fun and flirtatious manner to hid the fact I was perplexed beyond belief.

But he did. And we're going out...tonight.

In the past 24 hours I have been trying to absorb as much "dating advice" and "first date tips" from friends as I can. Of course the answer is usually the same "Just be yourself."

Yea, yea. I get it. Be myself. Who do you think I'm going to be? Have I ever come across as someone to show up for dinner in a big floppy hat and giant sunglasses pretending to be someone I'm not? Do I seem the type to suddenly develop a split personality and the "other" is allowed to come out and play at drinks tonight?

Luckily one of my bff's has my best interest at heart. I was given a list of do's and don'ts.

Do show up early so he's looking for me not vice verse.

Don't have more than one drink.

Do wear something cute but not revealing.

Don't talk about yourself all night long - make him talk some too.

Do make him pick a few options on where to go but get the final word.

Don't worry if he's late showing up, doesn't mean you were stood up.

I think I got it....hopefully....I mean I've gotten past the feeling like a giant leper....there's no longer a giant knot in my stomach (although I'm sure that feeling will return...like it is now that I've said that).

I want people to take note. Women can be a bumbling mess before a date. We may saunter in on our heels, swinging our hips in our new black dress with a big smile on our faces but we're just as nervous, just as frightened of rejection.

My hands are already sweating.....

I'm not going into this with any expectations or hope...but I'm also trying to not go into it full of self doubt and doom.

I made reservations at a tavern in downtown - classy atmosphere (no sports bars thank you) and a cheap happy hour (I may be a high class broad but I don't need to ask for too much $$$ on the first date...wait until the second or third).

We've exchanged numbers.

I've reapplied my face (and deodorant)....I think I'm ready to go.

Here's hoping I don't break a heel on my way through the door.

Wizards, Mug shots & Fetishes

2011-07-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Men-Online (Ladies, you can benefit from these lessons too),

I have no problems with online dating; my last relationship started online and I've started the online dating process again. What I do have a problem with is you not understanding that basic human social skills are still needed even if you are picking me up on the internet and not a downtown bar. I understand that you can be anyone or anything you want to be online - however, this doesn't mean you should to be obnoxious, repugnant and downright sleazy!

* * *

Tip #1 - when selecting your handle realize what you think is humorous and playful might come across as desperate and slimy.

Examples:

Love69yes ...all I see is GetMy#Not Thank you for being open and upfront, however, this handle does not make me warm for your form

Titanic73 makes me think giant mistake and freezing to death in the middle of the Atlantic, not that you have a large penis.

Having the word Wizard in your handle conjures images of a Wolowitz man-child living in his mother's basement.

Tip #2 - Drivers Licenses and mug shots should not be your profile picture.

Please remember you're on these sites to ATTRACT someone not repulse them. Try to smile. Even if you think it's the worst smile ever and you have spinach between your teeth - at least you're smiling. Looking angry and/or constipated is not sexy.

Oh and a little side tip, don't have all the pictures be of your "guns" and asking me to "look at these pythons".

Tip #3 - Keep your fetishes to yourself until at least our second or third email. There needs to be some element of surprise between us doesn't there?

Asking me "would you fart for me?" is not a pick up line I'm accustomed too....Telling me you consider yourself an "Encourager" and not a "Feeder" and then saying "We'll see" when I tell you I'm not interested in gaining weight for your sexual pleasure.....

These are perhaps not openers.

However, these are just my personal preferences and if they've worked for you up to this point well than perhaps I'm the one who needs to rethink online dating.

Sincerely,

Me.

PS. When a woman asks you "What's your name?" the proper response is not "Nice rack."

Expired Membership?

2011-07-01T10:25:00.000-07:00

It feels like forever since I've been on the "dating scene" and I'm feeling a tad rusty.

It is certainly not like riding a bicycle!

...Although perhaps it is, I never could keep my balance and ride further than a few feet without either crashing into a fence or going head over heels into a bush.

But here I am back on the horse (how many analogies can I put into one blog?); having recently signed onto a dating site (more on that later)

The friends I have talked to about me rejoining the world of singles have all been supportive in their own ways. Some tell me not to rush things (Mr. Hong Kong and I have only been split up a month) while others are eager to play wing(wo)man and devil on my shoulder. The one thing they all have in common is wanting to make sure I do what I need to do for myself.

And I am.

Part of me is wanting to just connect with someone on some level.

Get a drink after work...

Cuddle while watching a movie...

Hold hands while walking down by the river...

I need to remind myself that Mr. Hong Kong wasn't/isn't my last chance for happiness.

...I know that sounds self-deprecating and awful but we all have those moments of doubt after a break up. When we worry that we just let "the one" slip through our fingers.

So here I am, a month later, trying to figure out how to be 'single'.

I don't mean the "be happy being alone" type of single. I mean the not in a long term, serious, monogamous relationship type single.

I'm just not sure I know how....?

You know what it feels like. It's like that scene in MIB2 where Tommy Lee Jones character goes to the video rental place to find out he never used his membership card, put a video on hold but never check it out....

Except I feel like my membership card has expired and I'm pretty sure I never put anything on hold.

Way to go Old Navy

2011-06-28T16:51:00.000-07:00

I always love when I discover new places to shop. I never would have guessed that Old Navy had such cute plus size summer dresses. Here are the two I bought today.

Finding Mr. Right

2011-06-28T14:16:00.000-07:00

(According to Hollywood at least)

Finding Mr Right: 7 Tips from the Movies

by Michael Moran

There’s a lot of talk about what the meaning of life might be, but everyone really knows it’s romance: Finding Mr (or Miss) Right and raising a few kids is the principal motivation for every living thing from mushrooms to monarchs.

Sometimes,though, it’s hard to find the right partner. Sometimes it’s hard to find any partner. Naturally the geniuses of cinema are on hand to show us how it’s done.

1. FIRST FIND YOUR TERRORIST

Far and away the best method of building a lasting relationship is to be involved in some kind of hostage drama or dangerous cross-country chase. From The 39 Steps through to Speed – indeed as far as Speed 2 – young men and women have been finding their true love at the point of a gun.

Gunfire and peril is such a reliable relationship builder, in fact, that it can reunite estranged couples just as well as it can forge new ones: Just take a look at the most recent Indiana Jones film. Or Die Hard. Or Die Hard 2.

2. LOSE YOUR SCRUPLES

If you’re serious about romance, there’s no place for morals. Sham weddings are a great way to kick-start a marriage. Sandra Bullock’s top relationship tip is to order a subordinate to marry you. She’s demonstrating that one right now in current cinema release The Proposal. It’s by no means a new idea: Gerard Depardieu and Andie McDowell first hit on the fake marriage ploy way back in 1990 with Green Card. It’s as sound a foundation for lasting love as it was then.

Don’t be coy, either, about underhand tactics to eliminate a potential rival. Back in 1937 The Awful Truth showed how shabby acts can ease the way for true love. It also featured a really sweet dog.

In the classic Howard Hawks comedy His Girl Friday Cary Grant repeatedly gets his ex-wife’s fiancé arrested on trumped-up charges until the poor chap sees reason and withdraws from the fray. If you’re serious about settling down with your dream man or woman, make sure you enlist a few corrupt cops.

3. PLAY HARD TO GET

The grass is always greener on the other side, forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest and,(although it’s not strictly relevant) a stitch in time saves nine. Nobody wants love handed to them on a plate, it’s unsanitary for one thing, and Hollywood has shown this time and time again.

From the firecracker bickering of classic screwball comedies such as It Happened One Night or The Lady Eve to the tongue-tied predictability of How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days . Julia Roberts proved in I love Trouble that even irascible bears like Nick Nolte can fall for a girl as long as she’s rude enough.

4. DON’T BE FUSSY

We’re conditioned by stories like Cinderella and Snow White to believe that there’s one true love out there for us all. Unfortunately, as the manufacturers of moisturising creams the world over like to remind us, we won’t look this good forever. Sooner or later it’s time to settle. When Harry Met Sally is a perfect lesson in how to win at romantic musical chairs: try to find The One but always keep your backup spouse close to hand.

If you still haven’t dated anyone by the time you’re 40 don’t hold out for perfection – learn from The 40 Year Old Virgin and hook up with the first person that shows even halfway willing. Best advice of all comes from the latest Katherine Heigl effort The Ugly Truth (above). He may be an ill-mannered misogynistic boor but he’s still a man, dammit and once you’ve passed thirty that’s good enough.

5. BE A NERD

Of course romance comes easily to nerds. The movies tell us that again and again. We’ve already discussed The 40 Year Old Virgin, where a dysfunctional shut-in with minimal cool marries super-groovy Catherine Keener. Bridget Jones’s Diary extols the irresistible appeal of the female klutz. Annie Hall ups the ante by bringing two entirely different grades of nebbish together in one majestic loser romance.

6. BE LUCKY

If you can’t be a nerd, be lucky. Whether it’s something as unlikely as winning a lottery (It Could Happen To You) or an everyday piece of good fortune like being selected to write the lyrics for a guaranteed Number One single even though you’re just a gardener (Music & Lyrics) there really is no substitute for sheer good fortune. If you don’t have luck, make some – pitch up at a stranger’s wedding. Never fails.

7. WHEN ALL HOPE IS LOST, GET A PROFESSIONAL IN

You wouldn’t dream of rewiring your own house. Unless you’d eaten a lot of cheese before bedtime or something. So why organize your own relationships? If we’ve learned anything from Pretty Woman, it’s that common street prostitutes are generally wholesome, marriageable young women. Experts in leaving home (Failure To Launch) and relationship counsellors (Hitch) will definitely marry you as long as you pay them a lot of money first.

You should engage your professional with caution though: if The Wedding Planner has a message for us it’s this: the woman you hire to help you pick out some flowers will probably run off with the groom.

Victim of My Own Optimism

2011-06-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

"I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism." -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

Real Women

2011-06-27T14:58:00.000-07:00

A friend posted the link to this blog on facebook. I read it and fell in love. Had to share it here.

* * *

real women

Excuse me while I throw this down, I’m old and cranky and tired of hearing the idiocy repeated by people who ought to know better.

Real women do not have curves. Real women do not look like just one thing.

Real women have curves, and not. They are tall, and not. They are brown-skinned, and olive-skinned, and not. They have small breasts, and big ones, and no breasts whatsoever.

Real women start their lives as baby girls. And as baby boys. And as babies of indeterminate biological sex whose bodies terrify their doctors and families into making all kinds of very sudden decisions.

Real women have big hands and small hands and long elegant fingers and short stubby fingers and manicures and broken nails with dirt under them.

Real women have armpit hair and leg hair and pubic hair and facial hair and chest hair and sexy moustaches and full, luxuriant beards. Real women have none of these things, spontaneously or as the result of intentional change. Real women are bald as eggs, by chance and by choice and by chemo. Real women have hair so long they can sit on it. Real women wear wigs and weaves and extensions and kufi and do-rags and hairnets and hijab and headscarves and hats and yarmulkes and textured rubber swim caps with the plastic flowers on the sides.

Real women wear high heels and skirts. Or not.

Real women are feminine and smell good and they are masculine and smell good and they are androgynous and smell good, except when they don’t smell so good, but that can be changed if desired because real women change stuff when they want to.

Real women have ovaries. Unless they don’t, and sometimes they don’t because they were born that way and sometimes they don’t because they had to have their ovaries removed. Real women have uteruses, unless they don’t, see above. Real women have vaginas and clitorises and XX sex chromosomes and high estrogen levels, they ovulate and menstruate and can get pregnant and have babies. Except sometimes not, for a rather spectacular array of reasons both spontaneous and induced.

Real women are fat. And thin. And both, and neither, and otherwise. Doesn’t make them any less real.

There is a phrase I wish I could engrave upon the hearts of every single person, everywhere in the world, and it is this sentence which comes from the genius lips of the grand and eloquent Mr. Glenn Marla:

There is no wrong way to have a body.

I’m going to say it again because it’s important: There is no wrong way to have a body.

And if your moral compass points in any way, shape, or form to equality, you need to get this through your thick skull and stop with the “real women are like such-and-so” crap.

You are not the authority on what “real” human beings are, and who qualifies as “real” and on what basis. All human beings are real.

Yes, I know you’re tired of feeling disenfranchised. It is a tiresome and loathsome thing to be and to feel. But the tit-for-tat disenfranchisement of others is not going to solve that problem. Solidarity has to start somewhere and it might as well be with you and me.

Oy Vey.

2011-06-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

29 Signs Your Biological Clock is Ticking (*my "oy vey"s)

"I thought I could beat science. I thought breeding would be best left to girls with, you know, feelings. It was for women whose gag reflex is strong enough to handle rooms full of “baby pink” and stores with names like “A Pea In The Pod.” I remember watching Marisa Tomei in “My Cousin Vinny” talk about her biological clock and thinking, Dang that is one slammin’ mini dress she can pull off. Why the heck would she give that bod up for a baby with some schlub? Bitch is crazy! But lately, I have to admit, I just can’t fight this feeling anymore! Babies have won me over with their adorable powers, which are part bunny-soft, part kung-fu grip. Curse you, cuties! You are sweet, lovable lady kryptonite. So, as someone who is trying to hit the snooze button on her biological clock, I’m here to help you, my fellow womankind, to notice the sneaky signs of their newborn magic working on you ..." Simcha

You’re checking out the man with a Baby Bjorn at the park, even though he’s standing next to a ripped, shirtless dude soaking up some rays*.
You make silly faces at passing kids is strollers*.
When you hear a baby cry you think, Aww! instead of STFU!*
That woman over there is a bad mother. You’d be so much better.*
Your horoscope says you’re going to be pleasantly surprised and you think you should pick up a home pregnancy test.
The cutest thing in the world: baby shoes!*
It didn’t even occur to you that there was something odd about a grown woman going to see “Toy Story 3.”*
Pregnant ladies don’t scare you.*
Dog-sitting for your friend made for the best weekend ever.
You already have a pet, but you want one more.*
Your mom is starting to make sense.
You are getting way too comfortable talking about bodily functions.*
You suddenly notice the places you go would be great to bring kids to.*
One-night stands have lost their appeal.*
You’ve thought about buying a onesie with a hilarious pun on it and saving it for when you have a baby.*
You might not know all the adults at the BBQ, but everyone at the kids’ table knows your name.
When a kid cries in your arms, you don’t hand them back to their mother.*
Baby showers are full of the cutest crap, aren’t they?*
You always wait, holding the door open, when you see a woman with a stroller in the area.*
When you see cool kid stuff, you don’t think, I used to love this! Instead, you think, So-and-so’s kid would love this!*
You have figured out how a baby would fit in your apartment.
You get pangs of nostalgia for your old babysitting days. Sigh.
LOL Cats is your slang. “Can I haz babeez now?!”
You kill time at work surfing for adorable animal photos.
Breastfeeding in public is a beautiful, natural thing.*
You totally comment on more than one of your friend’s Facebook baby photos.*
Your new personal hero is:
The thought of giving up booze for nine months doesn’t freak you out.*
You’ve already spent more time looking at the super cute baby in the photo above than reading this list.

* * *

I have a #30 for the list....You are Googling "Biological Clock Ticking"*...

*sigh*

Dumb in your 20s

2011-06-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

I was looking for inspiration online for a blog piece about biological clocks ticking away (the tick tick ticking gets louder the more pregnant women you're around) and/or how to cope when a long term relationship ends. Somehow I stumbled across this article; which does not involve (or inspire) either. However, some of the points were too funny not to share (and hopefully I'm not the only one who has a "Oh crap! That's TOTALLY me!" moment of realization when reading.

Enjoy. (My personal thoughts/feelings are italicized)

20 Dumbest Things About Being In Your 20's

Your 20s are just an extended period of adolescence with credit.

The only thing worse than being an awkward 13-year-old at a junior high dance with your own parents as chaperones is finding yourself a decade later, equally awkward, with no one at all to chaperone you through this weird new thing known as "adulthood."

While your 20s can certainly be exciting, they're not all they're cracked up to be. For the first time ever, you are left to make your own life decisions while battling the ever-present fear, crippling confusion and constant flow of failed expectations.

Whether you're 45 and can look back and laugh, or 25 and can giggle while simultaneously curled up in the fetal position, check out the following 20 dumbest things that inevitably occur when experiencing the "joys" of your third decade of life. –Tina Smithers, age 29

1. You discover that a college diploma doesn't mean squat:

Fact: More than 40% of college students graduate owing over $20,000 in student loans.

You're thrust into college at an age where you barely know your ass from your elbow, let alone what you want to do with your life. So you end up paying out the wazoo to study something dumb, like philosophy or religious studies, because it sounds cool. Four years later: Congrats! You have a nice piece of paper, no professional skills and thousands of dollars in debt.

This was my ultimate, "oy vey" moment of the article. Hey some of us like our religious degrees thank you very much. I may not be working in the "Religious Studies" field but it got me a gig in Higher Education somehow.

2. That darn "Quarterlife Crisis" hits when you least expect it.

Fact: The average age of those first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder is around 25 years old.

That awkward, anxious, uncertain period of time that hits as you transition from adolescence into adulthood is known as the "Quarterlife Crisis" — a trendy term for the freak-out that comes with the realization that you, and only you, can accept responsibility for your decisions. I know I suffered from the QLC because I was given a book about it as a graduation gift, which I read thoroughly in between teary, frantic phone calls to my father and the occasional dosage of Klonopin. But no amount of drugs, friends, fancy cars or books can save you — you simply plow through this twentysomething purgatory as best you can. Though if you must, feel free to purchase Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties.

3. Dating is a joke.

Fact: Two-thirds of twentysomethings spend some time living with a romantic partner without being married. And then some of us lived with romantic partners before we even hit our twenties...but I realize I'm often an exception to the rule.

Dating doesn't exist in your 20s. If you're not busy hooking up with everyone and their mom, you're diving headfirst into a relationship with the first person who will put up with your sh*t. Unless you take the time to really get to know anyone (including yourself), and find out exactly what it is you want in a partner, you'll wind up in an unhappy relationship, battling your own personal Weinergate.

I've never been one to be "hooking up with everyone and their mom"...and I just ended a two year relationship (the first in many many years). So while I don't fit into their "theory" necessarily I still don't know what it's like to date in my 20s.

4. You don't take care of yourself in any shape or form.

Fact: In 2008, approximately 27% of people aged 18 to 34 did not have health insurance. Hooray for being damn lucky and having a job with benefits!

Note to Invincible Man: The chain smoking, heavy drinking and excessive amounts of sun exposure will catch up with you. Your Speedy Gonzalez metabolism will eventually slow down and you'll have to swap the pizza and beer for fruits and vegetables. And strawberry-flavored edible panties don't count.

5. The place you call home is no more than a disgusting, dumpy squalor.

Fact: One-third of people in their 20s move to a new residence every year.

Unless you're living with your parents, what little place you can afford is merely a step above a cardboard box that comes equipped with a couple of obnoxious, lazy a-holes known as "roommates." The dishes pile up and you refuse to clean, because you always clean, and hey, it's the principle. The good news is that when you do finally get your own place, you'll get to furnish the cockroach-infested squalor with hand-me-downs and plastic junk from Ikea!

And people wonder why I don't want roommates.

6. You're not as smart as you think you are.

Fact: A person's brain is not fully matured until at least age 25.

Just because you graduated from high school and you pay your own bills, it doesn't mean you have the world on your own personal brightly colored string. You may as well take your youthful arrogance and go invest in some diapers, because You Know Nothing, a fact which you will repeatedly be reminded of throughout your 20s.

7. You work way too hard for too little pay at a crappy job.

Fact: People go through an average of eight jobs in their 20s, more than any other stretch. Okay let's count....since I graduated college (because workstudy jobs don't count) I've had....five....six jobs.... Guess I'm right on track. lol.

Once you do choose a career you think you will be able to tolerate for the next 40 years, you have to start from the depths of hell. Whether an intern, an administrative assistant or somebody's personal slave, starting from the bottom isn't exactly glamorous. Sometimes you don't even get paid. While interning at a popular tabloid rag, I worked grueling hours for free, fetching coffee and transcribing interviews. The only thing I learned was how to avoid carpal tunnel. This is called "paying your dues," and it sucks balls.

To give credit those six jobs are about 1/2 were "crappy jobs" and the other 1/2 in my "career field"

8. You think you're fat and ugly.

Fact: Nearly 30% of people who got Botox injections in 2009 were under the age of 30.

You hate your big nose, butt chin, love handles, forehead wrinkles, etc. In truth, you look as good as you're ever going to look, so embrace it. And if you think you're fat now, just wait until you're a 50-year-old sloth with a beer gut and age spots.

9. You're broke, but you spend money on stupid stuff anyway.

Fact: We are the first generation not projected to do better financially than our parents.

You can barely make ends meet on your pathetic entry-level salary, so you sign up for a credit card. Having an emergency card is a nice thought, but applying for five credit cards is not worth the free coffee mug. I didn't get the memo and wound up with a coffee mug, some useless handbags and $8,000 in debt. The interest made it impossible to pay off, so I cashed out my 401K in order to dig myself out of the financial suckhole, and now I have no retirement savings. Lesson? The minute you start seeing credit as "free money," you're in trouble. It's easy to swipe but a pain to pay off.

I plead the fifth.

10. You have reckless sex. A lot.

Fact: 86% of unmarried people aged 18 to 29 are sexually active. Men and women in their 20s have among the highest rates of STDs out of any age group.

You're new to this whole adulthood thing, which is why you're so good at making bad life choices, like obeying your yearning loins when it's last call at the bar. So if you're going to express yourself sexually with half of Chicago, wear a condom. They help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, including the herp, the clap and the unwanted pregnancy.

Wrong. But then we've already established I don't "hook up" with people. Hooray for not getting STDs.

11. You still behave like a kid, so no one takes you seriously.

Fact: Most Americans believe that "adulthood" begins at age 26. So why am I 28 (and a half) and still don't feel like I've reached "adulthood"?

Blink-182 had a point: "Nobody likes you when you're 23, and you still act like you're in freshman year." What the hell is wrong with you? Much of the crud you pulled in adolescence is no longer acceptable in your 20s, but you're not an adult either, no matter how much you think you are. So in turn, no one really takes anything you say or do seriously. Sad face.

12. The dreaded draft could happen at any time.

Fact: In case of a national emergency, every male aged 18 to 25 must register for the Selective Service, otherwise known as the "draft."

We haven't used the draft since the Vietnam War because we have an all-volunteer military. But in the event that the government calls up the draft, the burden will fall on dudes in their 20s. So practice those squats and push-ups now.

13. You drink too much.

Fact: Rates of binge drinking are highest among those aged 18 to 25.

Young adults often seek reprieve from this tumultuous decade by drinking their emotions through a big plastic funnel. Whether because of stress, boredom, insecurity or simply the aching desire to get laid, twentysomethings get out-of-control tanked far more than any other age group. The onslaught of stupid beverages like Four Loko and silly get-sloshed-quick challenges (you've been iced, bro!) don't exactly foster responsible drinking, either.

OMG! No, no, no. I drank too much my freshman year of college...have lost a number of braincells because of it. A few months back a friend came to visit. I called the FB album of pictures "Hello Luke, Goodbye Liver" because we drank so much and I felt every ounce. Then this last weekend I had another friend come out. We didn't drink NEARLY as much, but still stayed out late...and I still felt it. I realized it's not the booze that I can't do anymore so much as it is the late nights.

14. You can barely rent a car, and if you do, you have to pay for your age.

Fact: In 2008, approximately 27% of all U.S. car crashes involved drivers under the age of 25.

You learn to drive at 16 — that's nine solid years of behind-the-wheel experience! Yet you are stuck paying insane fees if you want to rent a car and are under the age of 25, because apparently, you are not to be trusted. Then again, it could be because you drink too much.

15. You can't take back those stupid, impulsive decisions you make.

Fact: 36% of those aged 18 to 29 have at least one tattoo. Yea. So what?

Twentysomethings are fickle beings, so if you love Tweety Bird now, you might not love him at 40. Therefore, it might be best not to get the dumb yellow cartoon tattooed on your forearm, unless you've given it a lifetime of thought. I proceeded to get a large, emo-esque star tattooed on my wrist (see above) when my boyfriend and I broke up. Maybe I wanted to deflect the pain from my newly broken heart, or perhaps I was acting out, but either way, I can't help but wonder what the hell I was thinking.

Okay. Yes, I have a tattoo. No, it isn't of a cartoon character or other similar stupid image. No, I didn't get it because of, while with or after a boy. I got it because I wanted to. It's an image I know I can live the rest of my life looking at. It's an image I spent years contemplating before getting. And it's located in a place that won't stretch drastically with weight, age or babies. Sorry if yours is.

16. Your friends are jerks, and you neglect the important people.

Fact: Between the ages of 15 and 25 is when most people establish lifelong friendships.

Many of your buddies are suffering from their own mid-20s meltdowns, so in turn they behave like selfish, jerky turdheads. You don't really care, so long as you don't have to sit alone at the bar. Meantime, you often neglect those who really matter, who love you no matter what — your family and friends who stick by you through all the boozy blackouts, broken hearts and bad hair days.

If any of my loved ones read this and agree that I'm neglecting you. Please smack me upside the head. I have tried to 'weed out" the jerks and people just taking up space in my life so that I have time for those that mean the most. Hopefully I've succeeded.

17. Crazy, crippling, ridiculous insecurities are around every turn.

Fact: Of people 20 to 29 years old, 41% feel significantly pressured or have "almost more stress than they can bear."

Full of firsts (first job, first apartment, first raise, first bounced check), this third decade of life can come as a shock. Nothing (I mean, nothing) is ever how you plan it. You're probably not going be married at 25 and making six figures at 27. You might get laid off or knocked up or terminally ill. There's no way to tell, but you focus so hard on the destination, you miss the journey entirely.

Well, at least I know I'm not alone with my disappointments.

18. You're overly obsessed with social media and your imaginary friends.

Fact: 48% of 18 to 34 year olds check Facebook right when they wake up.

Facebook, Twitter and FourSquare — these are the only links to your old life, your friends from high school or college. You hang on to this time period desperately, spending more time than you like to admit voyeuristically obsessing over everyone else's seemingly better, more interesting lives. But no one posts photos of their breakup or that time they got fired. Their lives suck as much as yours does! Besides, most of these people aren't even your real friends

Can someone explain to me what FourSquare is? I'm still confused. I thought it was the game with chalk and a big red rubber ball we played in the street and had to dodge being hit by cars? There's an online version now?

19. You're a whiny, spoiled brat.

Fact: Nearly two-thirds of young adults in their early 20s receive economic support from their parents. The number of twentysomethings living at home has risen by 50% since the 1970s.

Twentysomethings often take their parents (and everyone else around them) for granted, thanks to a false sense of entitlement because it is so haaaard being a young adult these days. So they sob into their smartphones and iPods and MacBooks, when they should really be slapped for being such silly, clueless tard monkeys.

20. You freak out over turning 30.

Fact: At age 30, you're older (and wiser) than 42 percent of Americans.

Attempting to survive your 20s can be so startlingly horrific, it would only make sense to get psyched about your 30th birthday, right? Yet so many twentysomethings obsessively dread entering this newer, gentler, kinder decade, when we should all take solace in the fact that the 30s are when the fun really starts. (Or so I hear.)

Nope. Not me. Sure there are things I thought I'd have and be doing (or done) by the time I reached 30 but I'm not freaking out about it. I'm not rushing to fill a void before life goes "downhill". I look forward to 30. I will be waiting there the eve of my birthday with open arms waiting for the older-wiser me.

Sources: NY Times, ABC News, NCBI, QuarterlifeCrisis.biz, LA Times, U.S. Census Bureau, Online Schools, CBS News, Hallmark Research, AAD.

Missing You

2011-06-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

I miss you.
I miss you and I can't tell you I miss you.

Almost a month of missing you.
Almost a month of missing you and keeping it to myself.

I thought I'd miss you less just because you were never physically around in the first place.
I was wrong.

I manage to have days when I don't think of you...
But just because I don't think of you doesn't mean I don't miss you.

That first week I waited to hear from you...
Waited for an email or text telling me not to go...
Telling me you loved me.
It never came.

Just because I was the one to say goodbye doesn't mean my love for you isn't still there.

I wish you would read this and feel how my heart aches.
How I feel like my emotions are ready to burst.
I wish you knew how much I missed you and still could call you mine.

Bathingsuit Blues not just for Women

2011-06-09T15:59:00.000-07:00

I love that the NY Times printed an article about a man having drama with picking a bathing suit. I think sometimes we women forget (or don't realize) we're not the only one's out there with body issues struggling to find the perfect fit.

* * *

Does This Swimsuit Make Me Look Fat?

By Henry Alford

IN its Platonic ideal, a bathing suit removes you momentarily from yourself, and perhaps unleashes heretofore dormant aspects of your personality. Wriggle into a great-looking suit that’s black and snug and tailored, and suddenly you’re ready for an underwater cocktail party; rock a pair of floral Hawaiian board shorts and suddenly you’re convinced that the only way to spell “dude” is with two o’s.

My annual quest for such a garment got its kick-start in late May when a friend e-mailed me a link to a site called Socialite Life, which featured a folio of 23 photos breathlessly headlined “Jude Law: Shirtless in Cannes!” Squinting rakishly in the brilliant Mediterranean light, Jude looked worldly, post-coital, regnant.

When you clicked on the upper left hand of the first photo, you learned (incorrectly, I found out too late) that Jude’s fetching canary-yellow bathing suit was from Dsquared2 and cost $268. I downloaded the image, and hied myself to Bergdorf Goodman on Fifth Avenue, where I showed it to a smiley salesman in his 20s named Beau.

I told Beau, “I want to be mistaken for Jude Law.”

I explained, “My looks are kind of preppy and innocent, so I need a suit that will take me to ‘wayward English schoolboy’ rather than ‘toffee-nosed prat.’ ” Beau said, “I understand.”

I did not tell Beau about how I recently dropped my Scrabble board and tiles onto the sidewalk in the middle of Sheridan Square, creating a clattering hailstorm of nerddom; I did not tell Beau that I recently had a heated discussion about the use of the semicolon.

The store, alas, could not find the fetching canary yellow suit, but Beau whisked me through the men’s department, showing me other options. We hit Etro, Michael Bastian, Thom Browne. When we saw six black, slinky suits coiled like snakes in the Dolce & Gabbana section, I said, “Ooh, these might be too Jude Law.”

Once in the dressing room with Beau’s and my three picks, I came face to face with a thorny verity: It is the curse of the middle-aged male body simultaneously to shrink and enlarge. Your belly pooches out, ever more parabolic, while your legs dwindle down to mere sticks, two knobby rods with the surface tension of plucked poultry. One day you look down at your half-sphere atop its two spindly rods and realize, “I’ve turned into a Weber grill.”

The suit most flattering to my Weber grill was a pair of belted, snug-fitting, mid-thigh $230 Orlebar Brown trunks. “These are Jude-like,” I told Beau as we gazed into the fitting rooms’ mirror. “Jude would accessorize them with designer shades, a shirt unbuttoned to the navel, and a whisper of Drakkar Noir masking a base of animal ripeness.” Beau’s eyes widened, and I sensed that he wanted to introduce me to a licensed professional who could tell me all about lithium.

Alas, the color of the Orlebar Brown trunks (fiery tomato) was too bracing for my Pepperidge Farm brand of wholesome. I headed on to Saks, where I showed my Jude photo to three salesmen. But they also couldn’t find the yellow trunks. A thin, expressionless young Michael York look-alike showed me other possibilities, but I demurred. I apologized and said, “I think I’m hung up on looking like ...”

“... Yeah, yeah, yeah: Jude Law.”

Eager not to beat a dead horse, I left my photo of Jude at home for my next two bouts of shopping. During the course of two days, I would visit eight more stores and try on 26 more suits. I loved the festive, Lilly Pulitzer-esque prints at Vilebrequin (which, as I now know, made the Jude Law swimsuit), but the suits’ puffy, bustle-like silhouettes vaulted my pear shape from Bosc to Bartlett; I loved the contained but non-packagey look of one pair of Marc Jacobs’s trunks, but wondered if I wanted to pay $345 for something that would be riding shotgun with a lot of cocoa butter and PABA.

A perfect fit kept eluding me, and kept me from being the best Jude I could be. A pair of knee-length board shorts in a floral print at Osklen in SoHo looked great except for a strange gap they created between their waistband and my spine.

“These make me look like I have a little storage area,” I said to the salesclerk, a sly brunette in her 20s. “A place for pencils or filberts.” (Her: “Yeah.”)

In another instance, it was equally the fit and the fit’s attendant implications that slowed me in my tracks. “I can’t tell what the look is,” I said to an H & M salesclerk referring to a pair of $17.95 tight navy square-cut nylon trunks with a red, white and blue rope belt. I asked, “Is it randy French sailor, or is it Fourth of July picnic on the town green?” Harried, she told me: “They’re Swedish, that’s all I know. They’re from Sweden.”

My favorite salesclerk was a middle-aged woman who was eating a salad when I walked into her tiny, messy boutique, Pesca, on East 60th.

“I like the elastic waistband,” I said of one of her suits, all made by a company called Sauvage; she explained, “they use a very good Lycra.” She left her desk to come look at me standing in front of the mirror in a sky-blue mid-thigh number. “I’m 49 years old,” I told her, “but in these I look 48.” She said I looked sexy. I thought of my Jude fixation and confessed to her, “I probably want the world to think I’m sauvage, but in reality I’m more domestique. In reality, I’m more médecin de campagne.” She asked if I was a doctor.

I finally hit pay dirt at Parke & Ronen, a Chelsea boutique that sells many scanty men’s clothes hammered in the forge of brazen confidence. The store’s fitting mirror, unlike the ones at all the other stores I visited, faces out onto the street. The mirror’s daunting amount of requisite exhibitionism rattled me when I skittishly looked at myself in the first suit, but by suit No. 5, calmed by the store’s friendly staff, I was shirtless, unfazed and furtively bopping to the Lady Gaga throbbing over the sound system.

I loved a pair of fitted $95 Parke & Ronen four-inch trunks in a blue, green and purple floral paisley on a white background; they had a two-grommet tie waist that cinched away all Weber-based impurity. The suit’s overall effect was slightly ... swinging London. Slightly ... Jude Law dirty weekend. Kuh-ching.

I first wore the suit to the N.Y.U. pool, where its comparative jauntiness, against a backdrop of collegiate Speedos and board shorts, was galvanizing. I can’t say I swam any faster, but I certainly swam with more verve.

I wore it one sunny afternoon on my building’s roof deck, where I didn’t need to sip at a Pimm’s Cup or a Campari; both were implied. I wore it to my office one hot day. Indeed, so comfortable and unbosomed was I in it that I decided to wear it for a trip I’ve happily made four times before: out to Amagansett, where I like to spend the night on the beach.

I made a reservation on the jitney. Doubting that any changing room would be open by the time I reached the beach at 7 p.m., I wore the suit under my pants to make the trip out to Long Island; as I boarded the bus, I found myself smiling slightly, and thought, “I am wearing very exciting underpants!”

I spent a lovely, contemplative evening picnicking and walking around a deserted beach in the suit (though it was, alas, too cold to swim); I crawled into my sleeping bag at 10 p.m. The suit’s smoothness felt satiny and delightful against the sleeping bag’s slippery insides: a hot dog in a bun. The surf raged, the stars twinkled. I felt new and brimming. Jude at last.

But then, just after midnight: blindingly bright car headlights aimed at my head. “Hey! Hey!” yelled a male voice from inside an East Hampton Marine Patrol vehicle. The officer then asked, with some irritation, “Why are you sleeping on the beach?” Groggily, I explained, “I just bought a new bathing suit.” He snorted and said: “You just bought a new bathing suit! What kind of reason is that?” I mumbled an incoherent answer. He wrote me a summons.

It was too late to call anyone. Back up in Amagansett, I sat on a bench on Route 27 and waited for a 4:20 a.m. jitney back home. “Jude, Jude, Jude,” I thought, “Where have you taken me?” Many inebriated 20-something revelers sauntered by, including a young woman skittering in high heels who, on hearing that I was waiting for a 4:20 bus, gushed: “Oh my God. Oh my God.”

Moments later, I took my summons out of my pocket and gazed at it. I contemplated the embarrassment of a forthcoming appearance at the East Hampton Town Justice Court. I thought, I’ll definitely need to be at my most confident and cool for that. I thought, I’ll definitely need to be at the top of my game. I thought, I’ll definitely need to wear the suit.

Weight = Life Burden?

2011-06-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

So my first thought when reading this article was they need to do way more research and study various generations as well. I'm not denying that being an "over weight" teenager is hard (on both girls and boys) and that studies have shown women make less then there male counterparts. But this study is all over the place (in my opinion) - from women who are heavier are less likely to graduate college, to they are less likely to be hired for a position (with of course fostering the stigmas and stereotypes of "fat people are lazy"), to plus size girls aren't active in sports in high school, etc.

Maybe it's just me and my personal story not connecting AT ALL with what they're "findings" are showing. I was on the "heavier" side in HS and not only graduated HS with a 3.75 but went on to be accepted into a highly rigorous academic college program (which I finished in the normal 4 years) and then went on to a (mostly) satisfying (female dominated) career (making 15.50/hour). Thank you very much.

Like I said, an interesting read nonetheless but perhaps a bit early to publish their "findings"

* * *

Heavy in School, Burdened for Life

By Christy M Glass, Steven A Haas and Eric N Reither

Published: June 2, 2011

MUCH of the debate about the nation’s obesity epidemic has focused, not surprisingly, on food: labeling requirements, taxes on sugary beverages and snacks, junk food advertisements aimed at children and the nutritional quality of school lunches.

But obesity affects not only health but also economic outcomes: overweight people have less success in the job market and make less money over the course of their careers than slimmer people. The problem is particularly acute for overweight women, because they are significantly less likely to complete college.

We arrived at this conclusion after examining data from a project that tracks more than 10,000 people who graduated from Wisconsin high schools in 1957. From career entry to retirement, overweight men experienced no barriers to getting hired and promoted. But heavier women worked in jobs that had lower earnings and social status and required less education than their thinner female peers.

At first glance this difference might appear to reflect bias on the part of employers, and male supervisors in particular. After all, studies find that employers tend to view overweight workers as less capable, less hard-working and lacking in self-control.

But the real reason was that overweight women were less likely to earn college degrees — regardless of their ability, professional goals or socioeconomic status. In other words, it didn’t matter how talented or ambitious they were, or how well they had done in high school. Nor did it matter whether their parents were rich or poor, well educated or high school dropouts.

Our study, published last year in the journal Social Forces, was the first to show that decreased education was the key mechanism that reduced the career achievement of overweight women — an impact that persisted even among those who lost weight later in life. We found no similar gap in educational attainment for overweight men.

Why doesn’t body size affect men’s attainment as much as women’s? One explanation is that overweight girls are more stigmatized and isolated in high school compared with overweight boys. Other studies have shown that body size is one of the primary ways Americans judge female — but not male — attractiveness. We also know that the social stigma associated with obesity is strongest during adolescence. So perhaps teachers and peers judge overweight girls more harshly. In addition, evidence suggests that, relative to overweight girls, overweight boys are more active in extracurricular activities, like sports, which may lead to stronger friendships and social ties. (Of course our study followed a particular group from career entry to retirement, and more study is needed to determine whether overweight girls finishing high school today face the same barriers, though these social factors suggest they do.)

That overweight women continue to trail men — including overweight men — in educational attainment in America is remarkable, given that women in general are outpacing men in college completion and in earning advanced degrees.

What does this mean for policy? Previous studies have shown that overweight adolescents feel stigmatized by their peers and their teachers, have fewer friends and often feel socially isolated. Teenagers who feel less connected to teachers, school and peers are less likely to graduate and go on to college. So policies to help overweight girls need to work on two levels: promoting healthful behaviors and shifting attitudes.

Obesity is occurring in children at younger and younger ages, so prevention needs to start as early as primary school. While early intervention has obvious potential health benefits, it is also critical from a career perspective. In addition, overweight girls should be encouraged to participate in college preparation courses and extracurricular activities. Health education that focuses on diet and exercise but does not stigmatize overweight teenagers is critical.

Teachers and principals need to be aggressive in limiting bullying and looking for signs of depression in overweight girls. Teenage girls, regardless of body size, struggle with self-esteem and are at higher risk of depression than boys, so expanding health education to include psychological as well as physical health could help all girls. Public health campaigns should reframe the problem of obesity from one of individual failure to one of public concern.

The economic harm to overweight women is more than a series of personal troubles; it may contribute to the rising disparities between rich and poor, and it is a drain on the human capital and economic productivity of our nation.

Christy M. Glass and Eric N. Reither are associate professors of sociology at Utah State University. Steven A. Haas is an assistant professor of sociology at Arizona State University.

What's Best for Me.

2011-06-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

This is sort of how I've been feeling the past few days.

Down with the world falling on my head but knowing that things...
Life...could be worse.

In March my boyfriend and I had our first huge fight. It resulted in a 24-hour "break up" but by the end of the next day we were back together - realizing words were said in the heat of the moment and not truly meant. We patched things up and tried to make things better.

Without going into it things too much, this past weekend I told him I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep coming in last behind his job and the rest of his life....I felt like an afterthought.

He still is the love of my life and it's hard to imagine him not being there ten...twenty...thirty years down the line. And (without being disillusioned or getting my hopes up) he might be. I don't know. For now though it just isn't meant to be.

I haven't really told people (expect one friend) mostly because we "broke-up" not that long ago and the last thing I need right now is a "I told you so"..."See?" or the even worse "You deserve better". What I need is for understanding that this is a hard time right now.

I haven't cried.

Not really.

I suppose part of me is still in shock.
Waiting to wake up and have in next to me and this all be a bad dream.

I love him.

What can I say?

It hurts but I need to survive.

I need to do what's best for me.

Love Me Like a Man

2011-06-01T14:50:00.002-07:00

Mercy

2011-06-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

Bikini Bashing

2011-05-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

Okay. I'm not here to bash bikinis. I have nothing against bikinis or the women who wear them. What I do have issues with is exactly what this article addresses. Magazines, commercials, gossip news, etc making women never feel they're good enough to wear bikinis.

Too much stomach.

Too much thigh.

Too little boob.

Who cares!?

If you like it.
If you feel good in it.
WEAR IT!
...and everyone else can screw off!

* * *

‘Bikini-Ready’? Who’s Judging?

By CATHERINE SAINT LOUIS

EVERY spring, as sure as cherry blossoms bloom, so does the notion that women should diet, exercise and even liposuction their way to bikini-ready bodies. Magazines like Shape and Self reinforce the idea that preparation is essential, with months-long bikini body countdowns (100-calorie snack tips included) and workout DVDs like “Bikini Ready Fast!” as if the beach reveal were a test on par with the MCAT and only a slacker would settle for a one-piece.

“It really sends the message that you’re not worthy right now to put on a suit,” said Malia Mills, a swimsuit designer whose brand’s motto is “Love Thy Differences.” Ms. Mills, 44, said shoppers often declare in one of her 10 stores: “I just wanted to see what you had. I’m coming back when I lose five pounds.”

As our culture increasingly enshrines physical perfection, the bikini has come to inspire dread and awe. It wasn’t always so. In the 1960s, when bellybutton-baring suits first became popular in America, “it was a youthful phenomenon definitely,” said Sarah Kennedy, the author of “The Swimsuit: A History of Twentieth-Century Fashions.” Then the high-fashion set and movie stars began to put on bikinis, and by the ’70s, she said, the bikini was “worn by all ages.”

And a few extra pounds didn’t disqualify anyone, considering the fitness revolution was still roughly a decade away. (In the book there’s a 1940s photograph of a fresh-faced still-brunet Marilyn Monroe looking smashing in a blue-and-white striped two-piece, a roll of pale flesh at her midsection.)

Back then, bikini preparation was starkly laissez-faire by today’s grooming standards. In her recently published literary memoir, “Art and Madness,” Anne Roiphe wrote that in 1965, she suspected that a suitor was into her because of, not in spite of, the “tufts of dark hair that stuck out of the top of my bikini.”

But today it’s assumed that only the lean, muscular, hairless and ab-defined will feel comfortable in a bikini. “It’s become difficult to feel natural with a normal body,” Ms. Kennedy said. “Fatism has taken over. It’s O.K. to be mean to lumpy, lardy people. It’s a sort of subtle intolerance towards people that’s very bad.”

Thanks to the ubiquity of cameras, wearing a bikini is now scary even for gorgeous celebrities. Remember how Jennifer Love Hewitt was pilloried in 2007 for the crime of wearing a bandeau without being a size 0? Helen Mirren was accused of having had surgery when she dared to flaunt her (taut, toned) 62-year-old stomach in a tomato-red bikini a year later.

“It’s about everyone everywhere having a comment, and they are anonymous,” said Gabrielle Reece, the former volleyball star and now a fitness guru, who has also been captured bare-stomached by the paparazzi. “The bathing suit is really a metaphor for all the ways we can approach a lot of things,” she said. “Why would we punish ourselves when we don’t have to? Why dread that?”

But the bikini has become the star of several fear-inspiring marketing campaigns. A recent advertisement for Yoplait Light features an itsy-bitsy yellow-and-red polka dotted bikini hanging on a wall as a future award for the diligent yogurt eater.

Nivea has a Goodbye Cellulite, Hello Bikini! Challenge, which prods women to slim down and buy its products. Nivea also sponsors the Cosmopolitan Magazine Bikini Bash, which last year involved 100 lithe dancers in blue-and-white ruffled bikinis tossing their hair violently to the Midi Mafia’s song “Two-Piece” in front of 1,000 attendees at the Planet Hollywood resort in Las Vegas. The two male singers of “Two-Piece,” fully clothed, belted, “You all look like models off the cover of Cosmo.”

Amansala, a “bikini boot camp,” in Ibiza, Spain, and Tulum, Mexico, sells six-night stays starting at $1,875. “Our society definitely has a stigma of bikini readiness — my business thrives on that,” said Melissa Perlman, an owner of the resort, which she said mostly attracts women in their 30s and 40s. “But at the same time, we send a different message that you don’t have to be perfect. Feel good, take care of yourself, and looking good in a bikini will follow.”

Would-be attendees often call ahead asking, “Do all the women look like those on your Web site?” (That is, easy on the eyes and the jiggle.) Ms. Perlman said she was considering starting “a program for larger women who don’t want to be around women who look hot in their bikinis, but say, ‘I want to do this.’ ”

On April 12, Dr. Elie Levine, a plastic surgeon, and his wife, Dr. Jody Levine, a dermatologist, hosted a bikini season prep event at their Manhattan practice to cater to the worried (19 women and one man showed up). The doctors’ press release warned, “Summer is about revealing yourself and can be dreaded if your body is not ready,” then went on to list tips such as “zap away embarrassing veins” or “boost bikini confidence with lipo for stubborn areas.”

This month, when I visited the doctors, at the end of the interview, I hoisted my shirt, pointed to the crepey skin under my bellybutton, and grabbed a pinch of fat that wasn’t there before childbirth, back in my triathlete days. The Levines’ prescription: liposuction, a skin-tightening procedure, or a tummy tuck, which costs $10,000, with a painful recovery.

It might just be cheaper to gain a fresh perspective. “If you feel your body is strong, and you’re in good shape, you’re halfway there,” said Norma Kamali, 65, the designer of (among other things) modestly retro bathing suits, who now also has a wellness cafe in Manhattan. “You’re not going to go out looking for surgery to fill up your breasts, you’ll be satisfied and comfortable.”

Not all women let the camera-phone-wielding bikini police (or their own self-criticism) stop them from enjoying a two-piece. Ms. Mills calls this type a “good-attitude girl.”

“She is a phenomenon and totally inspiring,” she said. “She is of any age, any body, she has a totally great attitude, because she has had a come-to-Jesus moment with her body.”

Portland: Childless by Choice

2011-05-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

(Article was the headline news of the Oregonian today).

Fewer Oregon homes include children, new census data show

By Nikole Hannah-Jones, The Oregonian

Susana Holloway is a college-educated foodie who owns a business, shares a cute red bungalow in Northeast Portland with her husband, and loves children.

She just doesn't want any.

In Portland, the 37-year-old can feel at home. The city known for its young creatives should perhaps be known for its young and childless.

Just 30 percent of households in Oregon have children, the lowest rate among all but seven states, according to U.S. Census data released today. The picture is even starker in Portland, where only one in four homes includes a child 17 or younger.

But while an aging population helps explain the dearth of households with children statewide, Portland is bulging with residents of prime child-rearing age. Fully 36 percent of Portlanders are ages 25 to 44, the highest share among Oregon communities of at least 10,000 residents.

Yet the city's population of school-age children shrank over the decade even as the city grew. According to the 2010 Census, Portland is home to about 76,300 children ages 5 to 17, down by more than 2,800 from 2000.

"Young people come here not to raise families but because the urban core is a place with close proximity to jobs, nightlife, good restaurants and having fun," said Charles Rynerson, a demographer at the Portland State University Population Research Center. "Many people who come here either haven't started a family here yet or they will somewhere else."

The past decade, as many baby boomers aged from parents with children at home to empty-nesters, showed a sharp decline in the share of households with children -- nationally, in Oregon and in Portland. Oregon's rate of households with children dropped from 33 percent to 30 percent, paralleling a 3 percentage point drop nationwide to 33 percent.

Clackamas County showed an even steeper decline, from 37 percent in 2000 to 33 percent in 2010. Clark County was part of the trend, too, with a drop from 40 percent to 36 percent.

Americans gave birth to fewer babies in 2010 than in 1990, according to preliminary census tallies, despite tens of millions of immigrants entering the country. Twenty-three states saw a net loss in children since 2000. Oregon's under-17 population inched up during the decade, but the adult population grew much faster.

Rynerson said a few factors link Oregon with the other states -- Maine, North Dakota, Montana, West Virginia, Florida, Pennsylvania and Vermont -- with the lowest rate of households with children. They all have a larger than average population of baby boomers. And except for Florida, they are very white states. White women have the lowest fertility rates.

Yet according to the most recent national census study of women who reached their early 40s without having children, education is a greater influence than race or ethnicity on whether a woman becomes a mother. While Portland's population is young, it maintains a thriving creative class that is highly educated and tends to put off or eschew child-rearing.

"This is a city of young foodies, designers and artists, and they don't have the energy or the time to want to start a family," said Holloway, who decided not to have children because of overpopulation and who runs a cooking school called Portland's Culinary Workshop. "It's such a creative city that people feel like they can make a go of it, and that's what they focus on. I joke that my business is my baby."

Portland's Karen Foster published her book "No Way Baby!: Exploring, Understanding, and Defending the Decision NOT to Have Children" this year and said the census reflects a trend toward waiting for or forgoing children.

"Many of these people simply haven't had children yet," said Foster, 43 and childless by choice. "People live here because they want to as opposed to going somewhere because of a job, so the city attracts people who are taking advantage of the lifestyle and may put off child-rearing."

Progressive cities such as Portland apply less pressure to have children, particularly at a young age, she said. But she bristles at the "Portlandia" notion that the city is full of adults who refuse to grow up.

"People accidentally get pregnant, but they don't accidentally not have children. That takes planning," she said. "Sometimes it's a very grown-up decision."

PSU's Rynerson said having fewer households with children carries positive and negative effects. Fewer children relative to adults means fewer tax dollars spent on children's services. But it also means fewer people to pay into Social Security to care for an aging nation and to take jobs to fuel the economy as earlier generations retire. Locally, a dwindling youth population leads to school closures and other upheaval.

But if Portland is unusual in its childlessness, one need look only a few miles away to find very different landscapes. More than 50 percent of households have children in Bethany, Cornelius and Sherwood. In Happy Valley, it's 49 percent.

Jason Gardner, a 35-year-old real estate agent and father of three, moved to Sherwood 11 years ago and has watched it flourish as families planted roots. While Portland is heavy on rental housing -- 46 percent rent -- Sherwood draws families, and 75 percent of residents own their homes.

"People typically don't move here to have babies, but I see people more times than not coming here to purchase when they already have young children," he said. "The biggest reason people move here is because it seems to attract people who want an environment where they can raise their kids peacefully and safely, and send them to good schools. Sherwood is a haven for those types of families."

Falling.

2011-05-24T12:33:00.000-07:00

You give me that look that's like laughing

with liquid in your mouth

like you're choosing between choking

and spitting it all out

like you're trying to fight gravity

on a planet that insists

that love is like falling

and falling is like this

Feels like reckless driving when we're talking

It's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking

But no one's going to sympathize when we crash

They'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"

and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try

one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

I'm sorry I can't help you, I cannot keep you safe

I'm sorry I can't help myself, so don't look at me that way

we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists

that love is like falling

and falling is like this.

Dancing in the Rain

2011-05-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

Just a little Nip and Tuck.

2011-05-17T16:53:00.000-07:00

I admit.
I'm a photoshopper.

Goodbye sags under my eyes.

Goodbye giant blemish on my chin.

Are there parts of my body I'd like to lift, tuck and suck? Sure. Doesn't mean I'm going to (no offense to anyone but I still don't trust the medical techniques out there).

I think there is a time and a place for these alterations: i.e., getting rid of that giant red pimple on my nose before sending out the family Christmas cards.

There are some physical body-modifications I have a harder time with. I'm all for freedom of self and you can do to yourself what you want...I just start worrying when parent's are making these choices for their children and when modifications turn to addiction. But then I also know I'm not in any place to make the call for others.

Beauty changes with time and everyone's view of what "beauty" is, is different.

* * *

Capturing Beauty, With All Its Flaws

By Simone S. Oliver

May 17, 2011

IN 2010 there were more than 12 million cosmetic procedures — from breast implants to Botox injections — performed in the United States, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. Meanwhile, there is at least one mother who has injected Botox into her child, a beauty pageant contestant (as seen on “Good Morning America” last week); a steady stream of models in uneasy relationships with their body weight, and magazine layouts in which skin color and body shapes have been digitally modified.

All of these subjects are examined in “Beauty Culture,” the first fashion- and beauty-themed exhibition to be held at the Annenberg Space for Photography in Los Angeles, the heartland of Hollywood goddesses and plastic surgery. A celebrity-filled gala will be held tonight for the show, which opens on May 21 and runs through Nov. 27.

As visitors walk along the winding halls of the exhibition space, they will find 175 images by more than 100 photographers, from straight-up glamour portraits to more-unsettling images, such as a needle entering a lip.

“We wanted to talk about the ugly side of the beauty industry alongside the beauty,” said Kohle Yohannan, its curator. But, he said, “I didn’t want it to just be a finger wag. This is the beginning of a dialogue. it’s not a statement.”

Patricia Lanza, Annenberg’s director of talent and content, asked Mr. Yohannan to be involved in “Beauty Culture” after she visited “Model as Muse,” a 2009 exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art that Mr. Yohannan curated with Harold Koda.

Mr. Yohannan said it was important to him to present the pictures in “chapters,” such as “The Marilyn Syndrome,” “Beauty Inc.: The $300 Billion Cosmetics Industry” and “What Color Is Beauty?”

“The story of beauty is complicated,” he said. “Trying to generalize it is lazy.”

Many of the photographs were shot by heavyweights in the fashion industry such as Steven Meisel, and some are by lesser-known artists, including Nino Muñoz, who has worked extensively with the model Gisele Bundchen.

One of the show’s highlights is a 30-minute documentary that will play every hour. It was directed by the photographer Lauren Greenfield, whose prints are also featured.

Ms. Greenfield has covered beauty-related subjects like aging throughout her career, mostly from a cultural perspective. During her research for the film, she said she learned to look at the subject from a biological standpoint with the help of Nancy Etcoff, an assistant clinical professor at Harvard Medical School, who is interviewed in the film. Dr. Etcoff wrote the book “Survival of the Prettiest,” an exploration of the biological relationship people have with beauty.

Ms. Greenfield said her dialogue with Dr. Etcoff “gave me perspective when shooting things like eating disorders, plastic surgery, fashion.”

For her part, Dr. Etcoff said she thought the exhibition could make people “think again about many issues: about what they consider beautiful and why, why it is part of human nature and what role certain images and photographers and media play in our ideas about the boundaries of beauty.”

Digital photography has made it easy to manipulate how people appear, resulting in unrealistic examples of beauty that may skew some people’s expectations of themselves and others. The exhibition examines this with the Beauty Culture Digital Salon, where guests can alter a photo of themselves and choose a “before” or “after” picture.

It is tempting to think that the digital revolution introduced new levels of fakery, said Zed Nelson, a photographer featured in “Beauty Culture” who has spent part of his career considering the effects of the globalization of Western beauty ideals. But retouching and clever lighting are as old as portraiture itself, he pointed out.

Such manipulation, he said, is “kind of like the apple in the Garden of Eden: it’s so readily available that people use it without thinking. And I think that’s had an effect. Some images in magazines, they’re almost becoming illustrations instead of photographs.”

There has been some backlash against such images. For example, the May 2010 issue of Marie Claire had Jessica Simpson, without makeup, on the cover. In this month’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar, Diane Von Furstenberg, photographed bare-faced by Chuck Close, says she believes that imperfections and wrinkles give a person character.

But such experiments are rare.

“We have a Venus for every era,” Mr. Yohannan said. “And the war that pop culture wages on the female body should be looked at closely. These models are not the norm.”

One current pop goddess, Lady Gaga (on the cover of May’s Harper’s Bazaar), is challenging beauty norms. There are no photos of her in “Beauty Culture,” but she may share some of its goals.

“When everybody around you has had their breasts enlarged, their teeth whitened and their skin peeled, then you become the odd one out, you become the freak,” said Mr. Nelson, the photographer. “That’s the scary thing. And so anything that draws attention to that is a good thing.”

28 Day Challenge - Check In

2011-05-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

So I decided instead of posting a blog every day and boring the crap out of you all with "I walked around the building."...."I ran stairs"....blah blah blah. I'd do more of a weekly check in.

Today is Day 16 of 28.

I've entered into my Outlook calendar 3 times to get up from my desk and go take a walk around the building (not including the walking I do on my lunch break). So far it's working great. It not only gives my eyes a break from the computer screen but it gets me up and moving and keeping warm (my office building has no real heat and I've been chilly lately).

It's nice to have a "fall-back exercise" as it were. My goal for this 28-day challenge was to develop a new healthy habit. Adding in three walks to my schedule (including a pop-up window telling me to get out and go) every work-day helps me accomplish that. Doesn't mean though I'm not trying to do other activities outside of these walks.

Thursday we went to the pool and swam for a while.

Saturday we went to Multnomah Falls and hiked (I didn't make it to the top but mostly because I didn't want to make the family wait below for me for too long).

It's interesting some of the things I'm observing/noticing over the past few weeks (most of which I'm sure is in my head).

First I feel more emotional than I normally am. I know that exercising is supposed to release endorphins and therefore put you in a better mood...but that's not really what I've been experiencing. I've been out on a walk and had a burst of anger come from deep in my core. This weekend I had to go home and lay in bed to cry after a ridiculous comment from my brow-wax lady. No euphoria. No smile across my face. Just anger and tears. (WTF?)

The other thing I feel is that I've not been losing weight but gaining it. Now I know this is only Day 16 and I can't expect a miracle. I'd expect more to see no change...not an increase. Like I said this could just be in my head. But pants that don't fit, shirts that feel tighter than before, looking at pictures taken of me and seeing a larger and larger double chin.

It's frustrating.

I'm sticking to it though.

Coming Out Fat.

2011-05-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

A friend recently posted a link to this article called "Guys Who Like Fat Chicks" (from the Village Voice) on her facebook page. I was a little hesitant about reading it but I trust her judgement and most times agree or like the other articles she posts.

Here's a link to the article.

Okay. So I'm not sure why articles always feel like they have to parallel their cause with coming out as gay....but this article doesn't linger on it for long. It is nice to see an article that addresses the "FA" and not just BBW's with pride. A little on the long side (and pretty heavy on a single interviewee) but a good read nonetheless.

I'm always excited/interested to read articles addressing the topic of plus size (the term I prefer to identify with) people (not just women) having normal relationships. That we (and the people who find us attractive) are not freaks of nature, we're not abnormal or something to be hidden and only talked about behind closed doors.

* * *

I come from a family of curvy women - not all of them are plus size, but there are few without hips, butts, breasts and other curves.

I was destined to be a curvy lady.

At my smallest (obviously post-puberty) I was a 14 and at my largest (a few years ago) was a size 28 (at around 280lbs). Today I'm around 260 and a size 26.

I'm not ashamed. I'm not trying to hide my body behind muumuus and oversized sweats.

It's true I say I "carry my weight well" because I think I do. I dress stylish and appropriate and have had people assume my weight/size was smaller than what it was in actuality.

It's also true that I'm currently in the middle of a "28 Day Challenge" in which I'm trying to have more exercise in my daily life. I'm not doing that because I'm ashamed of how I look. I'm doing it so I can feel healthier, so I can battle the Seasonal Depression that knocks you over when living in such a grey part of the country.

* * *

I've had boyfriends, when I was, from one extreme of weight to another. None (that I know) of them came out as "Fat Admirers" but obviously they liked a little extra something since they were dating me. Most of them were "breast-men" and as you can see I've got them covered there.

Even with a fair number of beaus growing up (five in the first year and a half of HS before dating my "high school sweetheart" the remaining two years) I did struggle with self esteem issues around my weight. After my HS sweetheart and I broke up I went through a depression that really took it (the wanting to date) out of me. I just didn't feel attractive or desirable. He didn't tell me I was fat, or give me an ultimatum to lose weight. We just broke up (like you do when you're in high school).

For the most part (after highschool) I just wasn't interested in dating. I did toy around with internet dating here and there. I remember one date I went on. He took me to see the (newer) Planet of the Apes. (Yippee?) I didn't even bother asking him up afterwards. I said "Thanks, have a good night" and closed the car door.

Then there was the guy in college. The rebel who drank vodka out of a 7-up bottle during our English Freshman seminar. The smooth talker who, when I was upset with him, would spout lines from cheesy romance movies (I'm talking "You complete me" level). The one who as soon as I slept with him wouldn't give me the time of day....yeah not a highlight in the Men-In-My-Life.

Then somewhere a few years ago things changed - I opened up to the idea of dating again and as a result met my sweetie. (See our love story here).

* * *

I think it's wonderful that more and more people are "coming out" as appreciators and admirers of curvy/plump/heavy/plus-size women and men...let's not forget those of us who appreciate a stockier built man.

I'm a plus size woman. I like men with meat on their bones. I like someone who enjoys going out and trying new food and doesn't expect me to eat a garden salad when there's pasta on the menu (I mean really now I'm 1/2 Italian!)

It bothers me sometimes when I see/hear friends express feelings about being unattractive. Everyone is desirable to someone. I truly believe that you just need to embrace yourself and see yourself as deserving and desirable before you can expect others too (or at least before you can expect to start noticing that others do already)

To close I just have this to say.

If you don't understand how or why someone is attracted to me.... Just don't worry about it, no one's making you take me out in the first place.